Dear, My Thereafter

Chapter 13 | A bad day can also be a good day

    " But I was fortunate enough to grow closer with her and even call her my best friend."

  " Sasha Perkins"

" Tashash Williams?" and I was forcefully pushed out of my thoughts by Miss. Martin.

   " Umm... present."

   " I'm not calling out the register Tashash , my question was what is the definition of Amalgamation?" 

   " Umm....its...." attempting to flip through my book. Its not that I don't know the answer but my brain is definitely not working at the moment.

   " No its okay, Sasha as already answered" and I could have tell that I heard giggles coming from her way. She took my best friend, now she's trying to take my spotlight as well, (you weren't paying attention anyway Tash, you were too business replaying what Claire said at the trip like a stupid scratch record). 

   This shxtty feeling though, I just can't wait for the bell to ring so that I can go home and sad myself up. I never taught that it would've been so hard to forget about someone you only knew for almost two years. Its not like we were coming from toddler days but yet things seems so hard to get over.

   Maybe its because, she was the first person to talk to me the day I landed in school. She was my first friend here before Ren came along, she first talked to me when I did not wanted to be talked to, who showed me around the school even when I did not care to know, who encourage me to stop being a loner and be happy,that good days are coming and also who accepted me as a friend and best friend when no one did.

   And you know what hurts the most, she did all of those when I did not asked for them to be done, and even though I did not tell her much about my past and the reason I got transfer which I don't know of, she was still there. Its like she set the pace for me to follow when I landed in this place.

   We've grown close, even I started doing the same things to her, damn I even help her with her school work, we were just so perfect of a best friend. But she's gone now and I don't know what to think of it, if I was the cause of it, if that stupid party caused her to be ashame of me and not wanting to be my best friend anymore.

   "Okay class, have a great weekend and don't let partying let you forget my essays," Miss. Martin stated jokily but I knew she meant it with all her heart and soul.

   Packing up my stuff sluggishly and making my way out the door not bothering to look at Miss. Martin for any good bye nods. I walked down the halls, with my bag almost falling off my shoulder, my feet moving slowly and me blocking out everything around me or what I taught what everything.

   Setting my feet onto the grounds of the parking lot, James was standing there across from me, with his back leaned against his car, accompanied with two other boys I picked out from around  the school's campus.  Markie being one of them, the other being also one of the school's best student but my brain was too lazy to remember his name or focus on his features or maybe it was more like because my eyes were immediately locked with James's after that.

   Scanning his face emotions,I could've seen the worried look, the concern, the wanting and needing to rush to me and ask me if I'm okay and to be honest me myself and I was captivated too, feeling the same need but I'm not going to allow that, I can't fall for it nor him.

   Realizing what I'm doing to myself I immediately turn my head away. Damn never taught it would've been so easy to ask for comfort from even the most unwanting person.

   However I can't go back on my words and on my feelings and even though there's this part of me that comes from where I don't even know, telling me to go talk or at least hear him out. Though I can not, I have to hold not only my words but my grounds, I'd appear weak if I fall so quick and easy even though it felt like the right thing to do at the moment, because of my stated right now.