(tylers pov)
Tick tock tick
Time passes by
Tick tick tick
Time will die
Tick tick tock
Oh that stupid clock
Tock tick tick
It's time for me to go
____________________
(Jennas pov)
I'm in my bed as I listen to the sound of my parents fighting again. I turn around time and time again. I listen to the sound of my ticking clock.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
It drives me crazy. My brain won't stop screaming and my lungs keep catching fire and it's too much too much too much. I listen to the sound of the rain ticking onto my window and onto the roof.
Tick
Tick
Tick
What is this world. What is this we live in. I'm nothing.
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
I sit up. I decide that I can just as well get my laptop as I can't sleep. I open it and see a message from Tyler.
'Hey. After today I wanted to ask if you're okay. I found you at the tree and I didn't really ask you what was wrong. I'm not sure if you want to tell me anyways. I hope everything is okay, even though you're probably asleep because it's one am. Sorry for bothering you. If you don't want me to message you again, then just leave me on read and I'll know. Sleep well Jenna. Don't let it get to you."
I
Am
Afraid.
He
Knows
Too
Much
Too
Much
Too
Much
Too
Much
I am not sure if I want to cry laugh or scream. I just want to disappear into the emptyness of my body. This empty feeling, it's killing me. I feel like I'm carved from the inside, like i I'm hollow. Hollow like the bunnies they sell in stores for easter. Hollow.
Just hollow.
The worst thing is that hollow Also means that I feel nothing.
Am nothing
And every time I feel hollow at night. The urge comes back. I want, no I need to feel it. I need to feel something. I want to grab the blade like I can't even control myself. My hand already reaches out to my nightstand where I keep the razors as a message from tyler pops on again. ' I'm sorry for bothering you. You'll never see me again.' I am perplexed. I left him on read.
I left him on read.
I type back as fast as I can
"No no no no no no I'm so so so so sorry. Please don't leave me. You helped me so much. You seem to understand me. No one understands me."
I wait for a response.
Nothing.
"Please."
He is online.
Read.
Nothing.
"I need you"
Bam confession. Bam I just ruined the whole thing and-
Bam a message back
" I can't imagine what's going on in your head right now. I need to know. I know I sound creepy but everything just takes me down, it tears me apart. Punches me right in the stomach, jumps on my back and explodes in my skin and it rakes it's fingernails down my neck and I'm choking. Choking on all of it. Too much too much too much. I'm sorry to scare you. But if you didn't notice yet, my head isn't just as normal as it should have been."
His words.
So many.
So much meaning.
So wise.
And I know that I'm choking too. Choking and I need release. And when I'm with this boy, I feel released.
______________________
(tylers pov)
'You can't do this Tyler'
Shut up
'You can't do this to her, you know this.'
Be quiet
'Come on you know you can't just go and open up all about yourself.'
And why not?
'The world won't accept the people who think like you. They will lock you away. Treat you like an animal. You have to talk to a psychiatrist. They'll give you medicines. You won't longer be Tyler. You'll be 'depression'"
I shrug. He's right. You're right Blurry.
'I know. I am you.'
I nod. Stare at my computer again.
"Jenna we actually really can't do this. We can't go crazy like this. I should stay away from you.''
''No.'' Is what she sends back.
"No I can't do this to you Jenna."
Jen: " Listen Tyler. I know how you think. I know how you feel. I truly hope you don't do anything to yourself. You need to listen to me, not just hear me. I know you read this but you get the idea. I just need you to understand. You're the first one to ever ever understand this. You seem to get me, sort of. I don't want to let go of that. I can't. I don't want to. I need you.'
My mouth drops a little. Nono she can't I musn't... I can't
But I want to.
___________________________
(Jennas pov)
* the next day*
I walk to school like I always do. Its quiet at this time in the morning. I pass a few buildings, see a few people. Cross the street, turn right, left. There we are. School. I shrug.
Ten minutes later I put everything in my locker and enter my first class. Some people are already here. Others aren't. In the corner of the room I see Tyler staring outside. I stare and sit down at the other side of the classroom. Five minutes later everyone else stumbles into class and a boy with bright yellow hair sits down next to Tyler. I wonder how I never noticed anyone in my classes. Like the guy with the yellow hair is really just something you'd think someone would notice. Now we see how locked up in my thoughts I am and have been. I sigh and see that my friend Zara took place next to Summer, instead of me. I swallow. Hard. Try to keep the tears back. I don't know why I feel so easily offended by this.
The teacher walks in.
"Goodmorning folks! Today, I have a fun assignment for y'all." He's always super enthusiastic. And he loves making music and to teach it to us. Not everyone is that fond of him, but I like him. "So, I made groups of two and you are going to perform a song in front of class with your partner. Both of you have to play an instrument and you both have to sing as well. I'm looking foreward to see what you all will come up with, this is a very creative class." I swallowed and was kind of excited to do this, but I was hoping on a good partner, because most of my class just hates me.
_______________________________
(Tylers pov)
I think I just got the best and the worst assignment at the same time. I truly hope I'm paired up with Josh, he's the only one good at music, plus he's my only friend. Maybe Jenna is. I don't know. She couldn't be, right? hm. I look at Josh. "Tyler, he knows we're best friends, we're certainly not going to be a pair." I nod. "I know..." I stare at the floor. "Don't worry about it buddy, you'll do amazing, after all you're the most talented guy I know. Come on, you write your own songs, play the piano, bass, drums, ukulele and you sing like crazy! You really do have talent, don't doubt that okay?'' "Okay." Josh was the sweetest. Always had been. He used to be a popular dude, but he has a huge heart and anxiety like you've never seen it. He dropped his friends for me. I think I truly do realize what he has done for me and what he still means to me. But I've made a mistake letting him get to know me this well. In the end none of it matters though. We make music together and that makes us both really happy. I think."So here are the groups." He started reading out names. I got paired up with a girl named Summer. As if this day couldn't get any worse. I know Summer. She hates me so much, great. She also has zero interest in anything or anyone and will only do as she wishes. I couldn't envy someone more, even though some people are just as bad as her. Then you have the boys version of her, which are even worse. Long story short. She's a bully.
______________________________________
(Jenna's pov)
I think maybe I got quite lucky. I was paired up with Josh, Tylers best friend. He seems nice, but I've never really talked to him. Before Tyler was in our class he used to be one of the popular guys though. Skaterboy, cool looks, dyed hair you know. He still has all that, but he isn't ike the other popular guys. He doesn't insult like them. He's nice and I suspecct him of having a crush on Tyler, but I couldn't just put it like that, because they are just really good friends. I sigh and walk over to Josh as everyone else walks to their partners too. "Um hi, I'm Josh.. I don't believe I know you that well, but I hope you are kind of good at music, because I kind of like to keep my high grade and... Oh, I'm sorry that was kind of mean.... I just... music means a lot to me. Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude or anything." He nervously played with his hands. "It- It's okay. I'm eh Jenna and I kind of like to keep my grade high too. Music is my favorite thing ever, even though my parents don't allow me to buy the ukulele I so desperately crave, so I go to the music store nearby my house to annoy them once a week, with my not so great skills." I laughed nervously. "Oh wait really? I do that too, but like I don't play the ukulele, but the drums... I've never seen you there before though." "We probably go to different stores, since there's like 5 in the neighbourhood." "That's true. Hm. So what music do you listen to mostly?" I looked at the ground. "Eh.. It's kind of mixed because I really love Green Day and Blink-182, but sometimes I listen to things like Macklemore too, or eh Katy perry and such? Muse is a great band too. And the Editors, the Red Hot Chili peppers, eh Pearl Jam, Metellica, the Cranberries, Foo Fighters, the Smashing Pumkpins, Nirvana.... Well you know.. most people don't know those bands so maybe it's a bit weird but it's just what I listen to, I guess." He looked at me with big eyes. "Dude, are you kidding? Did Ty tell you what my favorite bands are or what? Those are the best! that's sick. I've seen boys who like it, but girls? Not really. Actually you're the first one." Wow, is he serious? I thought no one knew these bands, this is actually pretty cool. It might be a fun excersise after all.
