Jennas pov
I've been at the tree all week.
I've been sitting in it, each day, for hours on end.
Hours of thinking passed.
Hours of doubt.
Sadness.
Numbness.
Basically I was a mess. That night had scared me in a way I couldn't describe.
Not saying I'd never found myself in that situation.
But...
I hide myself behind a mask
I hide myself behind a mask like everyone does
A mask that covers up our true soul
A mask that hides our real face
We all hide behind the mask
But really,
I don't want to hide behind the latest social media trend
I don't want to hide behind the aesthetic skies or the stunning trees I post
I don't want to hide behind the person I'm faking
I don't want to hide behind the art I create to make it look like I do something special
I don't want to hide behind the music the industry creates about being happy
I don't want to hide behind society
I want to take it off
But I'm keeping my mask on
I'm keeping the mask on because it's easier
I'm keeping the mask on so I look happy
I'm keeping the mask on to please people
I'm keeping the mask on not to be a bother
I'm keeping the mask on because I'm afraid
So afraid
But I want to take it off
I'm getting tired of hiding
I'll take it off when I'm ready
I hope you will, too
Every night I thought of Tyler. Not once he messaged me. Not once talked to me. Not even glared.
He must be disgusted by me.
I don't blame him. I'd be too.
I miss him. Maybe that's odd.
Seven more days passed. Seven more visits to the tree. He wasn't there once. I was sitting on my usual spot and looked at the sky. Flying birds.
"I want to be known. By you."
I softly spoke. I hope he knows me for who I am. I want to talk to him again. I want to tell him I'm so sorry for him.
What if he doesn't want your pity?
What if he does?
He doesn't.
Then I'll offer him my help.
He won't accept that and you know it. Who could you help anyways. You can't even help yourself.
A lump formed in my throat and I tried to swallow it, but the feeling wouldn't go.
You know it's like that. You're a pathetic girl waiting for a stupid boy that you don't deserve anyways, hoping he'll show up. And then what Jenna ? What are you going to say to him? That everything's okay? That it'll all be alright? You know that's a lie. You know it better than anything else in the world. You're worthless Jenna. You couldn't help him. No matter how hard you wanted to. Never.
"N-no th-thats not - thats not true." I felt a hot tear rolling down my cheek. It was getting dark. She should head home. Home.
It had never felt like home.
Every time she would open the front door and step into the hallway, hearing her own "Hello." Echoing without any further response. The dinner table felt tense when they ate together. Her room felt like an empty cold place she'd just lay her head on the pillow every other day. And it was always in that room. The bathroom had emotions splattered out over the place. The bathroom upstairs was a place of bad memories Jenna didn't want to think of. Not rigjt now.
Not ever.
Instead of home, she found herself still in the tree crying uncontrollably now. The sky had gone black as a sound escaped her mouth and she covered it, not stopping her silent crying. She cried and cried. She ignored her buzzing phone and stayed there for a longer time.
"I want to be known. By you." She said.
