Autophobia

Chapter 6: Memories

                        One Month Later

   We got everything moved in less time than I thought. Right now we're just kinda putting everything in place and stuff like that. Kells has been pretty handsy if you know what I mean. I don't really mind it because, well to put it bluntly, sex isn't a relationship and he's hot as hell. I know that sounds low but that's just how it is.

   All I've been doing this whole month is working then coming here and working and listening to people bitch about working so I walked outside to clear my head. I sat on the cold cement step and lit a cigarette. It was raining (I'm glad there was a little overhead so I stayed for the most part dry) it was a little cold, I had on a black t shirt and ripped jean so I was really cold but it felt nice just sitting by myself. Everything just felt gloomy and dark.

                           ~Flashback~
     I ran over to him and sat on the cold ground next to him, "No... Hey look at me, come on," he was trying to talk but nothing was coming out. "Save your energy I'll call 911-" he reach up and grabbed my phone from my hand and shook his head.

    I sat there and looked at him. I wasn't dumb, he was bleeding out and had little time. He was dying. Right in front of me. I sat there and thought of all the memories we had which were very little. I thought of his smile, the smile that I'd never see again. His laugh, the way he protected me when my mom would get angry. I was 13 years old and I was watching my own father die right in front of me.

   A tear slid down my faced and I smiled down at him trying to stay strong. He said that was my only weakness. I held stuff in and acted like everything was okay, as if my life was was nothing but complete heaven. I smiled bigger thinking back to the time when he was scolding me about that.

   "I love you dad. I'm sorry that you had such a shit life." I hugged him tight.

    "D," he reached into his front pocket and pulled out keys. "You take care of yourself, live the life that I always hear you talking about. And don't you EVER rely on anybody but yourself," His voice was scratchy and I could tell that it took everything from him just to say those words.

     I knew what I was supposed to do. Sadly we already made a plan knowing that this would be one the possibilities of his death. I felt the hot tears running down my face as I watched the light burn from his eyes. All I did was sit there and let the tears roll down my face I've never been a loud crier. That only showed that I was weak.

   I listened to rain hit the roof reminding me of what it sounded like when that trigger was pulled. I wrapped his coat around me tight and stood up.

   This would be the last time I saw him. I walked right through the door and left him, just like he told me to do.

   I was pulled from my memory by the door opening, "You good D? You been out here for half an hour," I could by the deep voice that it was Kells.

   I looked at my cigarette, it burned itself to the butt. I flick it away and ran my hand through my hair and shook my head. "I just need to clear my head."

   I heard his feet scruff around and he sat down next to me. "It's freezing out here,"

   "Yeah," I kinda chuckled, I totally forgot about the cold. My legs and arms were covered in goose bumps.

    "Here," he took his jacket off and put it around my shoulders. "You're the last person around here that needs to get sick." I look over at him and he was staring out watching the traffic. I half smiled, It was strange just watching him be a normal human. Usually he was high or yelling at people. He laid back against the step and rested on his elbows.

    "It's nice to just be in silence," he looked over at me.

   "Yeah all those guys do is complain about everything," I said.

   "Those fuckers are really hard to control. I feel bad for you when I leave for tour.  Imma be taking the only sane ones with me," he shook his head and smiled.

   "I guess I'll just have to let out my crazy. Maybe they'll listen if they're afraid for their life's." We both laugh. "I'm just kidding, unless they dive me crazy,"

    "Believe me, it'll happen." He lit a joint and took a hit.

    "How long are you usually gone for tours?" He passed me the joint and I took a hit while he talked.

    "Umm I'm usually gone for a month, unless it's global then it could be about three," I don't know if I can handle theses fuckers for three months.

    "Must be nice getting all that pussy for three months," I took another hit and he laughed.

     "You know it's not as great everyone thinks. I mean I ain't complaining but some of these are fucking hood rats, I don't know where that pussy has been and who's been in it," I silently agreed. It was almost like he had different personalities. He was a pretty good guy when you talk to him one on one, he was definitely a show off when he was with friends or other people.

    After our conversation I worked at the warehouse for another hour or so then went home. I know it seems creepy but I listened to his music to know his back story and turns out he had a fucked up childhood too and always worked for what he had. He never had it handed to him. My dads words replayed in my head and I decided to go to the gym to clear my head again.

   The only reason I went to the gym was to box it's been my out let for a couple of years now. I turned on my music and put on my gloves. An hour passed and I was dead, all I wanted to do was go home an take a shower and go to bed. It was 11pm and I had to go into work at 8am. All I could think about was Kells I don't know why it was like he was glued into my head.

   I wasn't falling for him I've never fallen in love, and judging by what I know about him neither has he.

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This chapter started out good then just went to shit. I'm sorry guys :/ please correct me on any spelling errors ;)

Love y'all 💕