Autophobia

Chapter 10: Mess I Made

    I woke up to banging on my door, I tried to ignore it but the person started to get louder and louder. I grabbed my gun and walked up to the door and look through the peephole.

   "Oh my god," it was Kells, a very annoyed Kells to add onto that. "Devyn I fucking flew on a plane to get back here now open your damn door."

    I chuckled at his annoyance and set the gun on the little table I have next to the door. He started knocking again and I opened the door while he was mid knock. "Finally," he said under his breath.

     "Do you want to come in or do you want to sit there and look stupid." He pushed past me and sat on my couch.

   "Between the two of us I'd say your the one who looks stupid," I rolled my eyes at his smart mouth, It's like I'm having a conversation with myself.

   "Hey I'm the one with the attitude here, so turn it down a little sir." I looked in the mirror in the living room, my eye was a little swollen but it was still pretty purple. My eyebrow had a scab over it now.

   "Come here," he sat up on the edge of the couch and looked at my face. "Looks the same to me," he joked. I punched his thigh playfully acting insulted. "Damn if that little girly punch could knock that guy out, he must have been a big pussy."

   "Now why did you wake me up so early, and I thought I told you that you didn't need to come back today," I sat on the other side of the couch.

    "Well I took after you and didn't listen," he stated. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him. "Okay I got tired of all the hoes and their pussy."

   I laughed, "I never thought I'd here that sentence come out of Machine Gun Kelly's mouth."

   "I said I got tired of the hoes and their pussy not I got tired of the pussy." He stared at me, the same look that he gave me when we were at his house. I know where that look led to. A smirk was planted on his lips when I zoned backed in.

   I don't think two leaders of the same clan should act like this, it wasn't professional. But then again it's Colson a man who defies all rules on purpose. If we had drama between each other then that meant drama with the whole clan and it could break us up. But fuck buddies didn't always have to entail drama.

   He kissed me which caused a shock of pain to go through my nose, I forgot about my little injury. If he could even think about kissing me when I looked like this then he should get a reward. I tried to push the pain aside and focus on us. His tongue pressed against bottom lip asking for entrance as it got more heated. He pulled me closer into him and his kisses got rougher. The pain was too much so I pulled away.

    "What's wrong," my forehead was resting against his.

     "I'm still sore," he nodded saying that he understood and pulled me onto his lap. He looked more attractive than ever in this position. I don't know if it was because of the circumstances or what but he just looked hella fine.

   He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me closer, "I don't think we should tell the crew about this, or any other times like this," his voice was low and deep.

   I don't know what he was implying by 'any other times like this' but it shook me to the core. He was a person that I am supposed to trust with my life and 'other times like this' could either make that trust or brake it down.    I'm not sure how I felt about it. I didn't want to depend on anyone in a relationship way and by the way his past has gone he doesn't go for relationships so it was all confusing. If he's never gone for relationship then why were we doing this. Why is he holding me and not leaving because we didn't fuck? Why did he fly straight back from his show in Cali? Why did he come to check on me?

  I heard my phone ring and I shot up. "Oh fuck today is Monday isn't it?" I asked hoping that somehow it wasn't that day that came after Sunday.

    "Um yeah, why?" He was very confused with what was going on.

     I sat up and walked to the phone slightly muttering shit with each step I took I looked at the caller and I was right. "Hello?"

     "Devyn were the hell are you? You were supposed to be in two hours ago!" It was my boss, I've been late so many times and the last time he said that he'd fire me the next time I came in late.

    "I know, I lost track and I'm sorry I'll-,"

    "No im done with this, you're fired!" He yelled through the phone which didn't help the slight headache that I was getting from the pain of my nose. I hung up and sat back down. I've now lost my best friend. My car is recked. Some clan could attack mine at anytime. And I've managed to lose my job. On top of that the one guy my lips should have never touched is sitting on my couch waiting for his next shot to get lucky with me.

   "What was that about?" Kells asked.

    "I think you should leave." I said sternly. I could feel the knot in my throat growing tighter.

    "Come on Devyn just tell-,"

    "I said leave Colson!" I demand, he huffed and shook his head.

     "They were right about you," He said before he walked out the door.

   I'm not sure why but I ran at the door behind him and I went crazy. I punched the door tiles over the little table and the coffee table. I punch the couch cushions before I threw them across the house. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a knife, I attacked one of the cushions and ripped the bottom apart. The stuffing went everywhere and I looked at the mess I made.

   Then the tears came. I backed up against the cupboards and slipped down till I was on the floor. I fucked up everything like I've always done. This is why my dad told me to show emotion, if I don't let it out then I turn into a psycho and ruin everything. Another thing my dad was right about. One thing that kept pecking at my brain was what Kells said.

Who were they and how did they know my life.

______
Okay but is anyone else literally unable to cry more than like twice a month, cuz umm I can relate:/ Please correct me on any spelling errors;)

Love y'all💕