beloved ࿎ finn w

twenty two

sadie came over early to help me prepare myself for today's shooting. it was the last day, even though we thought we'd have another to say goodbyes.

today was the filming of kissing scenes galore. noah and i weren't expecting to have to kiss, but the duffer's hadn't decided yet. if i had to, i don't know if i'd be able to get the image of finn's face out of my head.

we drove to set, and i was still panicking. i thought i prepared myself, but imagining situations is nothing like reality. pulling up to set only made things worse. butterflies flew all around me, not caring about staying in my stomach. i swallowed hard and opened the door slowly.

sadie gave me a glance of reassurance, and we walked in. millie and emily were talking to finn. as we entered, all eyes we on sadie and me. finn's stare only lasted for a few seconds. he turned and walked into the hair trailer, completely ignoring me.

"hey," emily said cautiously.

"how are you?" millie asked me.

"still like feeling like a toilet seat in the middle of an arena," i replied. they laughed, but i didn't even crack a smile.

"so we were talking to the duffer's," emily started. "good and bad news."

"they were joking about giving finn and me a make-out scene," millie sighed. i blinked slowly, trying to stop the tears. i still wanted him. he can't be anyone else's.

"but they said it was just a simple kiss!" emily smiled.

"not helping," i rolled my eyes.

"bad news now?" emily asked millie, obviously scared of my reaction.

that wasn't the bad news? shit.

"you're kissing noah," millie sighed.

"i love my life!" i said sarcastically, pretending to be happy.

"aria," sadie said, trying to hold back a laugh.

"sorry, millie," i apologized.

"i kissed your boyfriend, too," she said.

"wait what?" sadie gasped. "boyfriend?"

"surprise!" millie smiled weakly. "bad timing." i laughed quietly.

"she laughed! mission accomplished!" emily grinned.

we went to get changed into costumes and then waited until finn was out of the hair trailer. since my hair usually didn't take long, i was done first. i stepped slowly out of the trailer, not sure where anyone was. i turned to my right and started walking, not looking ahead of me. a body suddenly collided into mine.

"oh! sorry!" noah apologized. "oh hey aria!"

"congrats with millie!" i faked a smile, which he believed.

"thank you! i'm so sorry and you and-"

"it's fine," i cut him off.

"he who shall not be named actually wanted to talk to you," noah told me.

"really?" my first instinct was excitement; i wanted to clear up everything.

"he's over by the food," noah gestured behind him.

"i'm not so sure i want to talk to him."

"why not?"

"i can't even look at him without remembering something that was so small - but so painful. i don't want to."

"you can do it. it's for the better. maybe you could become friends."

"i can't handle that either." his phone vibrated. he looked down at his it and frowned.

"he said nevermind. he doesn't want to."

"why?" the weight that was lifted off of my shoulders came down on me like a brick.

"he's letting go of you. that's word for word. that bitch. i'll be right back," he rolled his eyes, pivoting back.

"no, he's right. i should let go."

"channel your inner elsa," noah smiled.

i laughed, again. it surprised me - how i laughed at that dumb joke. however, the sound of my own laugh brought back a memory of finn making me laugh at some stupid pick up line. my laugh stopped abruptly, making noah turn around.

"what happened? are you okay?" noah asked me.

for some reason, i heard finn instead of noah, even though it was noah talking. i looked down at my feet, only to see the shoes i wore that finn made fun of. i tried to look somewhere that wouldn't remind me of him.

the sky.
the time finn and i were pointing out clouds in the middle of an amusement park.

the trailer.
when finn and i were trying to flip it like eleven flipped the car in season one.

noah's feet.
when noah tripped me and finn caught me, but still dropped me anyways.

finn.

any memory that was stored somewhere that i couldn't remember came rushing back. i tried to blink away the tears, but i couldn't. i broke down. his words were inside my head.

"i want to be more than friends, beloved."

"my sweet pea."

"je t'aime, aussie."

i couldn't stand anymore. i couldn't see. i couldn't hear. tears fell uncontrollably. before i knew it, i was on the ground ruining everything i had done for filming. it wasn't that i couldn't handle seeing finn, i wasn't over him.

even if i was, i still would see things and memories would rush back. i can't do it. noah ran inside to get someone who knew what was happening. sadie and natalia came outside and instantly ran to me.

"what happened?" natalia asked.

"aria and -"

"don't say his name," i choked out, barely able to speak.

"they broke up," emily finished, helping me up. i could tell natalia was wondering why i was such a mess - no one really knew how close we were.

"i ruin everything," i said after we had gotten into the dressing room.

"don't blame it on yourself," natalia said softly.

"i have to kiss noah in ten minutes and i look like a rag," i whispered as i looked in the mirror. emily and natalia laughed as they helped me fix everything i ruined - minus finn.

before i knew it, i was on set with noah standing too close for comfort. he was leaning in, and as i looked at him, he shifted into finn. i smiled softly and shut my eyes. as noah's lips hit mine, i almost smelled finn. i had gotten used to everything finn did.

"cut!" shawn yelled. noah backed up and so did i.

"that was good, but we have to do it again. millie, sadie, and emily were all gasping very loudly."

"are you shitting me right now?" noah muttered, which resulted in me smiling slightly. "are you okay?"

"yeah, i think," i smiled over the awkwardness. he had just seen me break down and now we had to kiss.

"okay, i'm changing something! you need to hold the kiss so the camera can do a circle around you. it'll look better when it's done," ross said. noah and i both sighed.

the shot started again, so did the flashbacks. noah leaned in and his face morphed again. my hand left my side and landed on his shoulder - which was very weird because i didn't plan it. finn's - i mean noah's - lips crashed onto mine. i felt the camera whirl around us. just as matt shouted cut, reality set in that it was noah.

everyone clapped as the camera moved and i sighed.

"how do he who shall not be named and millie do that? i feel like my whole private life is invaded!" noah laughed.

"i know right," i attempted to agree. i looked around to see if finn was watching, but he was no where.

noah wasn't finn.