Used and Abused

Used & Abused Chapter 1

  It doesn't take much to remember the past as frightening as it has always been to live in such a nightmare I made it past that point in my life. It's times like these that I wish I went to see a psychiatrist to help me erase the horrible images that play through my head... "Lexy, Lexy.... were the hell are you!!!" Fuck, why did I give her a damn key in the first place.

  "I'm in my room." I yell back to my mom.

  "Well you need to hurry before you miss your flight!!!" My mom yells back.

  "Ok, I'm almost done packing be out in a minute!!!" I snap back. I shove the rest of my clothes in my duffel bag and head down the hall to meet my mom in the living room.

  "How much time do I have left to get to the airport?" I ask my mom.

  "You have ten minutes left. Are you sure this is what you want?" She asks shyly

  "Since when did you start giving a shit about my wants and needs?"

  "I have always cared since the day you born." She replies sincerely.

  In my twenty-three years of life, she has never seemed to give a shit about me until I told her about my brain tumor. Now she acts like I've always meant the world to her. She reminds me of the mom from that movie "Mommy Dearest". Always so fake around others, but behind closed doors she would.... my thoughts are interrupted by the ringing of my phone.

  I take a deep breath when I answer it. "Hello."

  "Hi mommy, I just wanted to say that I love you and good luck." Relief washes over me at hearing her voice instead of her piece of shit father.

  "Hi baby, thank you and I love you too." I tell my five year old daughter Sofia.

  "I just want you to now that I'm going to miss you mommy." My heart drops at her words.

  "I know baby, but you need to remember when I get situated that I am going to come back for you okay?" I wish I could take her, but I can't afford to just yet. It's for the best to leave her behind for now.

  "Of course mommy. I know you need time first." She's so strong and intelligent for her age.

I really hope that Jason takes care of her the way that I would. I hate to leave her with him after he abandoned us to live with his other baby mama in Oakland. I cringe at the fact he chose that trailer trash over me. We spent two years together and he did me so wrong. Yet another memory to get over along with the rest of my chaotic life.

  "Well ok baby, mama has to leave now." Thank God I only live five minutes away from the airport.

  "Okay mommy, be safe, love you, bye." She says so sweetly. God I love this child, my guardian angel.

  "Love you too, bye baby." I hang up the phone and walk out the door.

----

  I am so nervous when I get to same airport my mom used to work at years ago. "Christy? Christy...is that you?" The bag checker walks past me to greet my mom.

  "Harold? Wow, long time no see!" I roll my eyes as my mom plays catch up.

  "I haven't seen you since you got injured on the job! How are you by the way?" The gray haired man with light caramel skin carries on a conversation.

  "Yea, I had worked at a retirement home, but got injured there as well..." Not this bullshit again.

  "Well as much as she would like to play catch up I gotta catch a flight!" I rudely interrupt and drag her away from the man.

  "Lexy, you don't have to be so rude!" She scolds.

  "As much as I would love to hear about your pity party I really need to get going so I will call you when I get there. You can go back to your lies when my flight leaves!" I snap.

  "Fine, and they are not lies!" She snaps back.

  "Whatever, I love you bye." As much as she won't admit it, I still believe that my alcoholic father was the one who messed up her knees when he forced her to the ground and began punching at her head. He thought it was amusing when I was sent home from school for repeating the same action the next day at school. I still feel bad that the girl got suspended and I was just sent home for the rest of the day. I guess hard work and staying out of trouble helped me out of that one.

  "Last call for Nashville, Tennessee!" Says the loud speaker above my head.

  I look at my mom. "Well that's me." I reach in to hug her.

  "I can't believe that you're finally leaving Fresno, California after all these years?"

  "Don't get all mushy with me. There's not much to miss in this damn city anyways." I will only miss my baby Sofia. Sure, I've forgiven my mom for all the abuse she put me through, but I need this more than anything. I need a new beginning away from it all. At that I turn and aboard the plane.