Used and Abused

Flashback

  I'm only seven years old I don't understand why I need to change my baby brother's diaper. Why can't she do it or Destiny? She's way older than me, but here I am trying to change my brother's pooped diaper well my mom and sisters are eating popcorn watching a movie. Sometimes I wish I was fifteen like Destiny or special needs like my two youngest siblings, but nooo... here I am being punished cause I'm smart. My face already hurts from being slapped so many times because I struggled with spelling the word orange. I hate those silent letters. Who thinks of these words anyways?

  I pull the elastic tape off of each side of the diaper and the nastiest smell hits my nose. Eww.... gross! I hold my breath to avoid throwing up. I have a weak stomach from nasty smells, but if I throw up she'll beat my ass still. I feel like Cinderella living here in this dump. Everyone hates me because I'm different. I'm smarter, I love school, I'm prettier, and I don't cuss or care about boys. Well I do, but I won't admit it. That'll give them another reason to make fun of me. People say be careful with bullies at school, but they never said anything about bullies at home.

  I'm frightened to ask my mom for anything at all because she flips out and either cusses me out for hours or hurts me. For some reason, she always makes sure that I have no visible bruises and that I always look presentable. I think it has to do with the people who wear suits and badges and ask my siblings and I a lot of questions. They always come, but my mom threatens me that if I say anything or show them anything my ass is grass. This phrase was always said to my mom by my dad when he would beat on her. I wonder if he beat her because he was drunk or because he was defending us? I like to believe that it was my second thought.

  "Well what are you waiting for! His ass isn't going to change itself." My mom yells from across the living room.

  "I know hurry it up! That shit stinks!" Destiny adds on.

  "I'm trying, but I don't want to throw up or get poop anywhere.....he keeps moving. Gabriel, stay still.... I need to wipe you." I say while struggling to hold his legs up.

  "Well if you hurried the fuck up he wouldn't be moving!" She spits out.

  "Oh man! He got poop on my hand, all over his leg, and on the carpet!" I say in a panicked tone.

  "Are you fucking serious! How hard is it to change a fucking diaper!!!" She spits getting up.

  "I don't know he's your son! This is your job not mine!" I spit back without thinking.

  Uh oh.... why did I say that. I put the fresh diaper down as she gets up. I flinch when she bends down to finish what I started; then I start backing away slowly towards my room. I know this isn't going to end well. When I get in my room i close the door quickly and begin searching for a hiding spot when the door flies open.

  "You can't change a diaper right.... I'll show you how to change a diaper so you'll never forget!!!"

  She grabs me by my hair and starts dragging me down the hall. The rug burn doesn't phase me because I'm used to her dragging me. It's whatever is coming next that I fear most.

  "Mom...please! I'm sorry I'll try better next time!" I say begging for mercy through my crying.

  "You had your fucking chance you little prick!" She says then shoves my face into the pooped diaper.

  "Aww what's wrong the smell to much? You going to take your sweet ass time washing it off your face!"

  I quickly get up to run towards the restroom, when she grabs my shirt and pulls me back restraining my arms from pushing away. I avoid opening my eyes or mouth because I don't want poop in them. Leaving only my tears to wash away some of it.

  "Oh no you don't that shit is going to sit on your face till I'm ready to let you wash it off!" She yells into my ear.

  "Mom! Your doing to much! Sop that shit already!!!" I hear Destiny say while leading me to restroom.

  "Here, wash your face. Sorry, I should of helped even though it's funny it's sick."

 

  "What the fuck is your problem you sick bitch! That wasn't...." I close the door to cut them off.

  After washing my face I look into the mirror. Why me God? Do you even exist? Why does my family hate me so much? I continue to ask my unanswered questions.