Used and Abused

Flashback

  My life as a teenager sucks. I mean, when will I get a break? My mom has physically and verbally abused me up until last year when I finally slapped her in the face as self defense and called the police on her for punching me in the back of the head.

  Since I was thirteen boys would use my weakness for love just to get in my pants and now I'm pregnant at seventeen with no baby daddy or family support. Why did God bring me into this world? Maybe there is no God? Who knows; all I know is that my life has been horrible so far!

  I have to call him, but I'm worried about what he'll say. What am I expecting him to say? Does it even matter? I can take care of this baby with or without him, so his opinion doesn't matter. Maybe I shouldn't even tell him, after all he left me for some random hoe after two years of what I thought was a loving relationship. Yeah, but it is his baby and we tried so hard to have a baby. A stupid decision for teenagers, but we made our bed and now we have to lay in it. Here goes nothing.

  "Hello, I told you to stop calling Lexy. I'm with her now." He says in a tired voice.

  "I know Jason! I don't need to be fucking reminded that you chose to be with that home wrecking whore over me! Besides I didn't call to talk to you... I have something important to tell you." I say twisting a strand of hair around my finger.

  "Well, spit it out already so we can hang up!" He snaps.

  "Well if you would shut the Fuck up and let me talk I would have said it already!" I spit back.

  "Fine, I'm listening."

  "Well after you left me.... I stopped eating and started popping pills. I also stopped going to school and started cutting my wrist for the last three....."

  "Lexy, look I heard how hard your taking this breakup. You told me over and over again. It's not that I don't care, but you need to move on."

  "Can you just let me finish I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me!"

  He sighs. "Fine, continue."

  "Anyways, with me dealing with all this Crap in the last three weeks, I started getting sick and throwing up daily. My mom started to worry that I was starting to overdose on the pills, so she took me to the doctor. Jason, they called me today saying that I'm not overdosing, but if I want a healthy baby I need to start making healthier decisions."

  "Okay, and this has to do with me how?"

  "Don't be fucking stupid Jason, the baby is yours!" I spit at him.

  "Okay and your expecting me to come running back to you?"

  Is he serious? "No, I don't expect shit from you! You're like all the other piece of shit men out there anyways. I just thought you'd want to be a part of your baby's life, but your to self centered to even give a Crap! You can stay away from me and this baby and stay with your little bitch and don't try looking for me because you won't find me!!!"

  "You do what you have to Lexy. I already told you I'm with Julia now and we're going to move to Oakland and have our own baby some day..." Click!

  At that I hang up and slam my phone on the table. I didn't want to hear him finish that statement. I know it's not true, he doesn't even know her. I know she's a tramp. She planned on moving into our relationship from the very beginning. I trusted Jason with female friends all the time, but she was different. From day one she was obsessed with me and even said she wanted to meet me so we can be friends too! After she met me she didn't even ask about me. She just wanted to see what she was competing against. Too bad she thinks he left me for her, but I know he left me because I disagreed to stop talking to my guy friends.

  All that doesn't matter anymore.  This baby is all that matters..... even if I'm the only one that loves it. I wipe the tears from my swollen eyes and grab my razor blade from my hiding spot underneath the sink. I know I shouldn't be doing this, but physical pain takes my mind off of the internal pain. I push the blade into one side of my wrist and drag it across, deep enough for the blood to come through the wound. I grab a towel and apply pressure. There, just to keep my mind off of him, but I wish I had the balls to actually cut the vein upward rather than across and finally end my miserable life. Who knows though, maybe God send this baby as my guardian angel. To give me strength and motivation for me to do something wonderful with my life.... Shit, its been three weeks I need to go back to school. Without a high school diploma, I won't be able to make shit out of my life. I'll talk to the counselor at McLane first thing tomorrow.