Agent Jane Doe 1: The Catalyst

I Won't Let Go

I stare at my acne-covered face in the mirror and recall how mean the kids were when I was ousted from school. Even the girls who are just like me laughed alongside them. The party girls who wear tons of makeup on their faces. From the time I was young, I was told that physical flawlessness was the only thing people will accept when it comes to appearances. Any sight of acne or anything like that is seen as imperfect. Ugly. Hideous. Looking at myself right now, I feel ugly and naked without makeup. The world says that hating oneself is a bad thing.

The holophone around my neck vibrates against my shirt. I pick it up and see it's a call from Christian. I answer it.

"Jojo! I'm so glad you answered!" Christian heaves a sigh of relief.

"Yeah," is all I could say.

"Where are you? You know, I've been so worried about you. My mom's been working day and night to find you," Christian informs. Of course, I was at Christian's house frequently enough for his mom to consider me as a daughter. Tears well up in my eyes. Unable to hold them back, I let myself weep, knowing very well that people are currently asleep.

"Jojo? What's wrong?" Christian asks.

"I don't like the way I look without makeup, Chris. I wish I was like London Bane, flawless and pretty. I wish I had her long wavy blonde locks, not this dull and boring brown hair."

"Jojo, it's okay to feel this way. We all get insecure about things. I'm pretty sure London feels insecure about herself sometimes. Nobody's perfect. I get insecure about things sometimes. I get insecure about my relationship with my girlfriend Nicole. You're single, so I don't expect you to understand. But that's not my point. My point is that to feel insecure is to be human. It's not a good feeling, but it makes us human. And Jojo, you're beautiful, even without makeup. Beauty isn't skin deep."

"But everybody makes it so, Chris,"

"In that case, society is wrong. Why do you put on pounds of makeup everyday? Doesn't it take a lot of time to do that? And I'll be honest, it makes you look like a prostitute and that's not a good thing,"

"Because it's the cool thing to do. I had a reputation to uphold,"

"Looking like a prostitute is not cool, Jojo. It's lame. Being cool is being comfortable in your skin,"

"But I'm uncomfortable in my own skin,"

"It takes time to do that. I'd start by thinking positively. Maybe you getting ousted might've set you up for success,"

"How? I've been kicked out of society. That's not good, that's bad,"

"Maybe it would've been a good thing in the long run. Sorry, gotta go,"

"Wait---!" I hold out a hand, but the hologram of Christian's face flickers thrice before disappearing. Somebody knocks at the door.

"Is everything alright? I heard you crying," Trevan's voice boomed through the door.

"I'll be fine," I shrug it off. This is a lie I've used multiple times to get people out of my business.

"I couldn't help but overhear you talking to your friend Chris," Trevan opens the door to the bathroom. "Let me give you a lesson, Jojo. The media likes to bombard us with perfect images of other people. The more we see them, the worse we feel about ourselves."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm trying to say this: you shouldn't compare yourself to those fake-looking models and celebrities you see in the magazines. That's not healthy because it's gonna make you feel bad about yourself. However, loving yourself doesn't happen overnight. You should start by thinking positive thoughts. They affect your thinking, trust me,"

"Well...I'm not that much of an optimist, honestly,"

"If you wanna invoke change, Jojo, you should be optimistic about the outcome. It affects your performance. Now, excuse me. I gotta get back to bed," Trevan exits the bathroom, leaving me alone with my reflection.

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Author's Note: You know those Photoshopped pictures? How do you feel about those?