Sparkler and the Wolf

34. Abandoned

Dorian avoided Fenris all the way back to Skyhold, keeping his horse close to the Iron Bull. He saw Bull glare at the mage and say something, then shrug and return to his conversation with Sera. Whatever Bull had said had no affect on Dorian for he didn't leave the qunari's presence for a minute and Fenris didn't know what to make of it.

Back in Skyhold, Dorian vanished before he could stop him, so he headed to his quarters to change and decide what to do next. After changing, he had every intention of finding the mage and confronting him but his body had other ideas. As soon as he sat on the bed, his eyes drifted closed. He hadn't slept much and the stress of what had happened at the Winter Palace caught up to him and he passed out, exhausted.

The following morning he woke feeling drained and disoriented until he remembered Dorian. Leaping to his feet, he stormed from the room and into Dorian's quarters intent on confronting him, but the room was empty and cold. Dorian's things had been tidied and put away with such deliberate efficiency it felt abandoned. Cold descended in his gut and the next thing he knew he was running through the Keep to Josephine's office. He burst through the door, out of breath and his eyes wide, startling both the ambassador and the nobleman she was speaking with.

"Serah Fenris." Josephine said, recovering instantly. "My apologies my Lord Chevais, but I must take this meeting."

"Of course my dear Lady Montilyet, I understand. I shall return at a more convenient time."

"Thank you My Lord."

Josephine waited until the noble left before turning to Fenris, concern in her eyes. "Serah Fenris, what can I do for you?"

"Where's Dorian?"

"Lord Pavus has gone on a mission for the Inquisitor with Sera and the Iron Bull. They should be back in a few days."

"But his room looks abandoned."

"Oh yes. Well, Dorian had asked to have his things packed away. He was concerned they might be damaged by the elements without anyone there to light a fire while he's away."

"Oh." Fenris said feeling his heart rate slow. "Thank you for the information Lady Josephine. I apologize for interrupting your meeting."

"It's no trouble. Lord Chevais is most unpleasant to speak with and so I welcome the interruption. Though now that you're here, the Inquisitor would like to speak to you in private. She's in the War Room but will be finished shortly if you don't mind waiting."

"I will wait. Thank you."

"Of course."

He'd only been waiting a short while when the door opened and Cullen appeared.

"Fenris. Good, you're here. The Inquisitor is waiting inside." He said, holding the door for him.

"Thank you."

The Inquisitor looked up as he entered, smiled and bid him sit.

"Cullen told me what happened in Halamshiral. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, though I'm glad Dorian was there to help. I'm sure you'd rather not discuss it so I'll just move on. The man who attacked you is currently in our dungeon. Cullen has questioned him and Leliana will be asking her own questions later today. I wanted to know if you might know anything more that would help us learn more about his connections and business."

"He's a slaver. Well known, well funded. He has many connections throughout all of Thedas, though his main base is somewhere in Antiva."

"Oh! That's more than I expected. Thank you Fenris. Is there anything else which might help?"

"His clients number among some of the most powerful and dangerous Magisters in Minrathous. He has few enemies and countless supporters."

"I assume taking him out of the equation will do little to change anything?"

"There are a dozen more directly beneath his authority. He will not be missed, though it will shift the balance of supply until someone takes over."

"I see. Well thank you, your information will likely prove invaluable. One more thing before you go." She said, as he rose to leave. "Should the prisoner become expendable, what do you recommend?"

"Death."

"And would you be interested in carrying out his sentence?"

Fenris' jaw dropped. "Uh... no thank you Inquisitor, I see enough death and prefer to deliver it on a battlefield. Though I would appreciate it if you could let me know when the deed is done."

"Of course Fenris. I'll have Cullen inform you personally when the time comes."

"Thank you."

----xxx----

"Oh! Serah Fenris!" Josephine called as he passed through her office. "Leliana has asked to speak with you when you have a moment. She's in the rookery at present."

"I'll go now."

----xxx----

"Fenris. Glad you could come see me so soon. I have a letter for you from Dorian. I heard about the business in the Winter Palace and I'm glad Dorian was there to help."

"As am I." He grumbled. "How many people know about this?"

"Aside from Cullen and the Inquisitor, just Dorian and the Iron Bull."

"Oh. Good."

"I understand your position Fenris, but the people we told was necessary to transfer the prisoner here."

"It's not that..."

"You don't have to explain. I assume you've already spoken to the Inquisitor?"

"I have."

"Good. Then I will get back to my work. Good day Fenris."

"Lady Nightingale."

He left Leliana to her work, passed through the library and back to his room, the letter from Dorian clutched in his hand.

"Fenris,

I apologize for not doing this in person, but the Inquisitor had need of me and I didn't want to disturb your rest.

I'm sorry for what happened at the Winter Palace, though I am glad I arrived in time before it could go any further. I hope he didn't hurt you and I know not all injuries are physical.

Which brings me to the point of this letter. I think it would be best if we end things between us. You can do so much better than I Fenris. Better than a mage and pariah like myself. I am... not worthy of your affections. You have been more kind to me than I ever expected and it means more to me than you can know. I will never be able to repay you as I have nothing to offer of equal value. No future, no home and no family while you deserve all that and so much more. I'm sorry, but I fear that I will never be good enough and feel you are better off finding someone more worthy.

Dorian"

Fenris was furious. He read the letter over a second and third time and with each reading grew more angry and more frustrated. But his anger was not for Dorian, it was for Danarius and everything he'd suffered as a result of his former master.

He would not accept that it was over. Dorian had come to mean more to him than anything else in his life. The mage was frustrating, infuriating even, but he was also kind, compassionate, smart and humorous. He had a love of knowledge that was infectious, and a heart that was inspiring, gentle and kind.

He didn't care what it took, but he would not let the stain of Danarius' abuses influence his life any further. Nor would he allow Dorian to suffer for some imagined flaw in which he blamed himself for what happened in Halamshiral.

Once he felt calm enough, he left his room and headed for the tavern. He wanted a drink and faces. Even if he didn't yet feel like talking, he knew staying confined to his room was not what he needed now.