Summer Nights | fillie

15. Art

A/N: HI I HOPE YOU GUYS DIDNT GIVE UP ON ME!
So this is your fifteenth chapter. That means 5 chapters left to the epilogue. That's okay tho, I just published the prologue of my new book! Go check it out!
Sorry for the late update, here we go. Enjoy!
(biggest a/n at the end ↓)
*

Millie's POV

  This is our last month. The last month at this camp. The last month at the camp that changed me. That made my life turn upside down. And I couldn't be more grateful for it. I guess I'm really happy. Specially because this past week was the best of my life, spending the nights at the campfire and watching sunsets with all the gang, meanwhile dating the boy I like. It's really been great.

  Except for the fact that I broke up with Finn.

  Yes, we dated for only a week. And yeah, I'm an absolute idiot, I know, and that's what led me to do it. The fact that I'm an idiot. Finn's amazing, we get along so well, and I honestly got to believe that we could last a lifetime together if we wanted to. But that's the problem. We won't have all that time together.

  I've always had this on my mind. I always worried too much about the future. And I think that's why I used to be such a bitch, if you excuse me the word. We only have a month. After that, everything is going back to normal. I'll move back to England and he'll follow his dreams. We could never be together. I never believed in fairytales anyways. That's why I don't want to get attached. I never get.

  I know what you may be thinking. I know how stupid I am and how silly this sounds. Sadie is mad at me and Maddie just won't stop telling me how dumb I am. But it's just how I feel. If I give in and allow myself to feel all of this, or even eventually fall for the boy, I don't think I could handle being left heartbroken at the end. Just because we had to follow different paths. So it's better for both of us not to get too involved in the first place.

  We broke up yesterday. It was my fault, and I couldn't look into his eyes again ever since. I just locked myself in the room, ignoring my friends while they worried about me and just wouldn't stop asking why I did it. Only the girls know the truth, and they're annoying enough on their own.

  I don't like to think about what Finn must be feeling. I know it hurt him a lot. He must be thinking he was the problem. Oh boy, he didn't do nothing wrong. Nothing at all. It was all me. I messed it up. And now I just  can't stand being close to the boys, being next to Finn, and knowing that he must be heartbroken because of me.

  Last night was the first one I spent alone since I came to this camp. And today wasn't going to be different. All of them went to the beach, following our everyday ritual, to watch the sunset. But I went to the fields by myself. And here am I, laying on the grass, the sun almost setting, and I can't stop thinking about everything.

  I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I wasn't supposed to be this sad. It's not like I love him or something.

  I don't know what it is, but I can't help it. It's consuming me. I'm feeling horrible. I'm such a bad person. I lied to him. I said that I didn't like him the way he did, that I didn't feel the same way. Just so he wouldn't judge my real thoughts like the girls did.

  Friends don't lie. That's the rule. That's what they all told me on the first day of summer. And I lied to Finn. I lied about how I feel. Cause I don't know his feelings towards me, but I sure feel a LOT of things. The zoo that lives in my stomach, the way I smile when I'm with him, the way I feel when we kiss and the happy memory I get every time I look at the ring that I refuse to take off my finger. This is too clichè, and too sad to be true. But what can I do about it?