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Today was the day, I've waited for it for awhile now. It was like when Bev told me her thing, That was last year. This year I told her my thing.
I didn't want her to find out cause I didn't consider it a big deal, but I also wanted her to find out cause it was the biggest deal.
"That long, huh?" She asked as she looked at me. I stared out the window we sat at, I don't know why we were sitting here. I guess everyone knows the term 'outside looking in' but we were on the 'inside looking out'. It felt surreal. In a more depth sense I was 'on the inside f the inside wishing I was on the outside looking in'.
I nodded as I watched a few kids eyed skate of bike down the sidewalk. I knew them from school, from the halls, from the outside.
"I didn't exactly hate it, or him, well not at first." I didn't really know how to feel. I just breathed rally hard.
"And now?" She asked. I thought about how all of this came up, you know how you feel after walking all day or working your muscles for a long period of time? That's what I felt except all of this feeling is in my chest.
You see, my parents had been like this for awhile, opposites attract, right? Well, no. My mom was a free spirit, always having fun, never really grew up— she let everyone grow up for her. My dad, however, was not; my dad had always been strict, he never road his bike fast as a kid, never went as far up the hill as the other kids whilst sledding. He didn't like noise, he was boring...I had boring.
My parents are opposites.
Richie and I are opposites.
I never answered Bev, I was just so jittery that my eyebrow had twit her up, I decided to say something, "everyone fights, including couple, young or old." I said, my voice was a bit deeper and raspy from the salty tears that I kept swallowing. Bev's never seen me cry. I was five when my mother had last seen me cry.
"Did he scare you?" She asked, I think she asked because of how she felt when she first went through her thing. Henry was an asshole for doing that to her.
I scrunched my face up as tears welled in my eyes on instinct. I sniffed really hard and put my hand on my head gently, "I'm really sad." I sobbed. I cried, hard and leaned on my window sill while putting my face in my hands. I didn't know why I was sad, I didn't know I cried, but maybe because I thought about Richie and I.
I was always so uptight and worried about school and college, Richie never cared. He just sat around and loved me, I tried to do both, school and a relationship. I didn't want us to become my parents, that's why I cried. He cared so much and sometimes I wondered if I loved him enough, if he thought about leaving me. I swear I love him with all that's within me but life got hard out of nowhere and I wouldn't dare tell him about why he hasn't been saying 'Hey, Mr. Mulligan' lately. He's been stressed too, he's trying to catch up on his classes and I'm such a distraction to him.
