Dear Andrew {COMPLETED}

[OPENED] WHEN I DIE

Dear Andrew,

So if you're reading this that obviously means I'm dead.

I started this letter so many times, wrote like a page then ripped it up and threw it in the bin before starting again. And I have a confession to make...I didn't recycle them (I am so sorry). If you knew I would get an earful about how I'm wasting the trees and causing global warming. You always had the tendency to exaggerate (insert eye roll)

I hope you didn't make my funeral that much of a big deal. You know I don't like too many sappy people. Actually this is the part where I tell you that I can see exactly what you're doing, isn't it? You know, I really don't know what the hell is gonna happen. I don't know if I'm going to heaven or if I'm going to just stay in my grave and all this spirit shit is well just...a load of bull. I guess I'm going to find out pretty soon aren't I?

I know it isn't going to be easy, Drew. I know raising our little boy by yourself wasn't the plan and I am so sorry I'm leaving you alone. I wish I could stand by your side while we watch him grow up quicker than we want. Watch his first steps, hear his first words...I'm just glad that he has you by his side.

You're going to be such a great dad, Drew. You are already such a great dad. You're doing such a good job right now and I know it may not be easy but you're going to do just fine by yourself. If times ever get hard then just look up at the stars and smile because I'll be there watching over the both of you.

I love you so much Drew. God I love you so much. You have been such a great friend, boyfriend and especially a wonderful husband. I remember back to when I met you at the cafe and how different things were. Imagine how lucky I was to chose the seat beside you. You were so shy at first, barely held eye contact with me but soon enough you were this confident man only to go back to being shy again.

Don't get me wrong, I love how shy you are but occasionally seeing you as this confident man really does something to me. Although it is like that with our close friends and family. I just love so many things about you. And some things I don't even know why because I just do.

I don't think I ever told you when I knew I loved you. I know you told me- like five months in and we were food fighting (took forever to take the egg out my hair btw) and then we just ended up making out because that's what we love doing.

But it took me seven months. I know, I'm sorry. But you know when it was? It was the time you asked me to be your date to your friend's sister's wedding. I didn't think too much of it so I said yes. At that point in time I just really liked you, knowing I was slowly but surely falling in love with you but there was no...confirmation let's say. So here we are, in my room, packing my bags because it was in Manchester. You sat down on my bed, telling me jokes that were absolutely terrible. Slowed me down so much that you had to leave the room at the end when we only had an hour left to leave and I only made it as far putting my toiletries in.

So the wedding was wonderful. The reception was absolutely beautiful and let's not forget our first dance. You held me so close to you, smiling down at me, occasionally giving me your wonderful short kisses. When the second song came along, I rested my head on your shoulder and you asked me if I was okay- of course I was. I was just really happy being with you. I mean I know we had our complications in the beginning with friends and family about the age gap but we overcame that. We had so many great moments over the last few years.

Okay so the dance isn't when I knew, it was actually when we got back to the hotel. So after having sex (couldn't pass on because you looked so sexy in that suit and seeing you as this confident man greeting all the guests just did something to me). So we went to the balcony and you handed me a coffee- extra strong black coffee. You opened up your arms and held me as we sat there just looking at the beautiful city. We talked about absolute nonsense, reliving our childhood and a load of bull but when sunrise started you looked in awe at the sky. I looked up at you and you looked absolutely breathtaking.

You had no sleep the entire night, you smelt of sex and your hair was a complete mess but you looked breathtaking. You looked down at me and smiled and then frowned when you saw the tears in my eyes. It hit me all that one second. I was in love. I was in love with such a great man who I somehow got. I still remember this moment like it was yesterday. Please excuse my story writing skills, it has been a while since I have written anything.

"I love you," I whispered as tears started falling down my face. Andrew stared at my face for a second before bursting out laughing.

"You fucking idiot," he said whilst laughing. "Why you crying about it?" He wiped away my tears with that beautiful smile of his. "Is that such a bad thing?"

"No...I'm just happy." He gently placed a hand on my cheek before leaning down to kiss me. "Drew, say something please," I pathetically begged.

"Do I have to cry when I say I love you too?" He pulled back so he could see my face. "I mean you make me happy and everything but-" I didn't let him finish as I pulled him down and kissed him.

And that is the end of my story. (crowd cheers)

That moment is slightly embarrassing and wonderful at the same time. But something I will cherish forever.

I hope you can another moment like this again, Drew. I mean we talked about this again and you repeatedly said no but I'm actually telling you to try and find someone after some time. You love everyone with that big heart of yours and you deserve to be loved just as much.

I love you, Drew. You are the best thing that ever happened to me and please forgive me if I did anything wrong to hurt you. I wish you the best with everything. Until we see each other again,

Love Spencer xx