Honey

11 - breaking

Wonwoo's POV

"Who was that?"

"I don't know. I think we should go home now, Wonwoo. If we hurry, we'll be able to catch the last bus to Sinsa"

And so we made our way out of the house. It took some time, due to the big house being packed, and us being drunk. Junhui, a bit less than me. We jumped on the bus and rode it in mostly silence. A song played, indicating that someone was calling Junhui.

"Hold on, you're on speaker" Junhui spoke.

"Jun, are you with Wonwoo?" a voice I recognized to be Soonyoung spoke, almost drowned by the music in the background.

"Yes, I am. Why?"

"Where the hell are you guys? Mingyu is in the bathroom and he won't come out nor let any of us in. You two are the only ones able to get through to him"

We looked at each other confused. I felt a little pang in my stomach, like before.

"He's crying" Soonyoung added.

Another pang

"Listen, we're on our way home. If the reason Mingyu is crying is what I think... Neither I nor Wonwoo will be able to do anything."

This time it was more like a punch. Like someone decided to randomly start punching and kicking my stomach, head, my whole body. I felt like I was going to throw up. Could that have been him? It couldn't, right?

"Okay. Be safe, then"

A loud bang could be heard, then the line went silent.

"Don't worry, Won. He will be okay" Jun said with a smile as he tilted my heard to lay on his shoulder.

"Get some sleep, I'll wake you up" I smiled. It will be okay. I'll talk to Mingyu tomorrow.

As I was falling asleep on Jun's shoulder I did a little prayer inside my head:

"Dear Moon,

Let him know I think about him

His deep calming voice

His similar eyes

His bright smile

His gentle hands

His personality, similar to all of those as well

Let him be at peace

Comfort him in his sleep

Let him cry no more tears

Let him come to me

Let him relax

For this person, deserves nothing but the best"

~~~

Mingyu's POV

I stormed down the stairs, almost falling. I didn't care, I just had to get to the toilet. I pressed through the crowd, ignoring the shouts of my friends, locking the door as fast as I could.

I let my tears flow like a waterfall. It was the only thing I could. I cried my heart out,

with bloodshed eyes and wet cheeks. I felt suffocated by all the emotions I had built up towards Wonwoo, and suddenly the things he said wasn't the only reason I was crying. I cried because of all the pressure and expectations that was a part of being 'Kim Mingyu'.

This title as the popular/handsome guy with extremely good grades was and had been too much for me to handle for a long time. Hearing those words from someone I trusted after only a couple of days, because it felt right, from someone I held dear, someone so meaningful to me. Those words were enough to make it all come crashing down on me.

Maybe I was lying to myself. Maybe the sole reason as to why I was crying, was Wonwoo, and only him. Maybe I wanted to cry from the pressure because I felt stupid for crying because of Wonwoo. He had never promised me anything, except for staying by my side and trusting me with his emotions. I had believed him like a fool, desperate to feel close to him.

We never agreed to be dating. We never even agreed to be friends. All we did was talk, cuddle, watch anime and sleep. But even that was memories I held dear. The hours I had spent close to Wonwoo were the ones that felt the most right. I felt like a whole like I belonged with him. Naively, I had held on to those memories and feelings.

When I woke up and saw the note he left, I found it cute. I felt like we had a relationship that should be put in the high end of friendship at least. Maybe even the 'to be more than friends' category. Maybe that was just me.

The fact that we weren't anything beyond friend, the fact that I let myself behave like I did, the fact I let myself feel like I felt, made me feel so stupid. I had taken him into my heart, I had felt loved. And until just then, I had been convinced that he felt it too. That special connection.

All of that was nothing, meant nothing. It was all useless memories and actions and emotions. A waste of life, time and efforts. I would be an idiot to not just forgot it all and move on, but I couldn't. I wanted to talk to him, tell him how I felt the day before, how I felt just then, how he broke my heart.

my cries became more violent, emotional, shaking my body from all the heartbreak and disappointment I felt. In reality, I had let myself down, not Wonwoo. I had opened my heart carelessly. After what he told me and how we were the previous night, he made me think I could trust him, so I did. That was all my fault.

I let out screams. Heart-piercing sounds with the power to cut through anything. To kill every living and functional cell in my body, everything keeping me mentally alive. The emotional songs that were playing in my head, made everything increase. My cries, my fear, my hatred. My existence becomes apparent to the others outside the door, but I faded into the corner where I sat.

I faded into a world of destroying thoughts and broken promises.

'It's okay, it's okay. Everything will be just fine' I kept telling myself that. But the reality wasn't like that, I knew. Not right now, not by itself. The storm would not just blow over without leaving marks. Without leaving scars. How could I let myself hurt like this?

My mind would never heal before I found someone. My eyes wouldn't not show sorrow, without the comforting words of that someone. My pain would never faint if I couldn't be with that someone. I found myself needing him to be able to perform tasks, like smiling or being just alright.

I call to you, so answer.

I beg for you to appear, so please come.

But the room remains empty. My mind and body too.

My body became jelly, and I fell to the ground with a loud thud. The last thing I heard, was the door being kicked in. And like that, my eyes slowly shut.