I don't cry
Something inside me must be broken.
I have not cried since you left.
You were the beginning of tragedy,
But no tears leak from my eyes.
I wept by your side,
As you left this world behind.
My heart stopped the moment yours did.
There are times,
I should have cried.
I tried to.
She wailed by my side,
Her brother was dead.
He wanted to be a baker,
And he always made us cupcakes.
She held me and sobbed,
I couldn't react,
I can't remember how to grieve.
Beloved classmates,
Who were always kind to me.
Their father hand carved their crosses,
By the road where they died.
Every day, in the sun, he worked.
It was heart-wrenching.
Or so I'm told,
I could not feel it.
The first girl,
I confided in,
At the ward where we stayed,
She sang me to sleep at night.
She slipped away,
Leaving a note,
That said she felt alone.
My heart tried to feel,
Then my brain remembered pain,
And I felt nothing.
The first boy I ever danced with,
My neighbor, childhood friend,
We fought once, I never forgave him.
He tried, but I hid.
Then a month later,
He, too was gone.
They autopsied him.
Cut open his chest, sawed his ribs
And removed his heart.
A second of violent pain,
Then nothing again.
The next must have been worse.
My best friend,
We wasted many an afternoon together.
He thought god would protect him,
He was wrong, his skull caved in.
His little sister wore ribbons in her hair, trying to be strong.
At his funeral,
His girlfriend hugged me and cried.
I stood, arms at my side,
My face blank.
But worst,
The bright beautiful boy.
He loved me with all his heart.
He suffered a fate worse than death.
He was afraid of the nothing in me.
He begged me to feel pain,
Begged me to feel.
He cried the tears I could not.
He suffered more than death.
He loved a girl,
With no heart left.
