Miss Cloudwalker (COMPLETED BUT MAJOR EDITING)

Chapter 18

Limerence: The state of being infatuated with another person

I woke up to warm blankets swaddling me. I groaned and shielded my eyes from the light that burned through my windows. My head hurt and my eyes were blurry. I frowned, slowly sitting up. Why was I in bed? I searched my mind for the reason, but the only thing I could remember was a wild mix of emotions.

When I fully sat up, my vision spun. I felt back on my pillows, groaning. I pinched the bridge of my nose. I was hoping that someone would come in to find me awake. I glanced to my nightstand and saw my glasses and a cup of water. I pushed my glasses up my nose and took a long drink from the cool liquid. I sighed.

"You should go see if she is awake," a woman murmured.

"Why me?" A boy snapped back. I recognized the roughness as Ethan's voice. I shrunk in my sheets.

"You two need to talk things out! Now, go," the woman hissed.

I watched my dark door as it slowly pushed open. I saw his pale hand creep around the door and grasp the edge of it. His black hair came first and then his sea-colored gaze. He slid into the room, quiet as a shadow. He was clad in a fitting blue tee with faded blue jeans. A black leather jacket was slung lazily over his shoulder. His shirt fit to his muscled arms and even the faint outline of his abs. I licked my lips and looked away from him.

"You're awake," he murmured in surprise. I glanced back at him, studying him for a second. He was hiding his emotions well.

"I am," I sighed blankly, trying to suppress as many feelings as possible.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

I tried to figure out if I was okay. I didn't know. Everything was still riding on my emotions and I could barely remember what happened. I just remembered his eyes and a crazed train of thought. I shrugged in answer to his question.

He frowned and walked towards me, sitting on the edge of my bed. He glanced around my room. Taking in the simply boring feel that coated its walls. Half of my room was still empty—I hadn't been able to find anything to fill it with. The bed shifted as he turned fully to me.

Looking into his eyes, I couldn't hold anything back, "I'm sorry!"

He blinked.

"I am so so so sorry!" I murmured, "I've turned into a psycho. Everything that has gone down between us is all my fault."

He watched me, "I suppose it is."

I was shocked. I at least expected him to say that it wasn't fully my fault. That he took some part in it, just a small part. Hurt spread from my heart and bloomed across my chest and down to my toes. I hooded my eyes, not wanting him to see the pain that flared me.

I started to sit up and wobbled a little bit. He offered me a hand, but I ignored it. I steadied and looked into his eyes. We were just a foot apart. Every time he breathed, it fanned across my face. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent. Wet cement and paint. I needed him to know my emotions. I opened my eyes—gaze darting down his lips for a split second—and looked directly into his eyes.

Before he could react, I reached forward. My arm snaked around to the back of his head. I gripped his hair and pulled him to me. My mouth pressed against his. There was a moment of stillness between us as I held back the passion that dared to burst. Then I went for it. He kissed me back, gripping my waist and pushing me away from him.

I fell into the pillows and he hovered over me. His eyes looked over me. I then noticed that my clothes were rather lacking. I was in a low-cut tank-top with work-out shorts on. I didn't know why—it was the middle of winter. He bit his lip.

"Good-bye," he whispered. His lips plunged to mine.

The kiss held so much more meaning than the first. It was slow and intense. I gripped his shoulders as he ran a hand through my hair. Then he nudged me away and stood up. I frowned, watching him walk towards the door.

"Why are you walking away?" I cried, yanking the duvet off me. I tumbled out of my bed, dizziness gracing my movement. I fell onto my knees and watched him open the door.

"Sera... I love you," he said softly, looking at me. I smiled, "but; I know you can't love me back. So I'm saying bye and walking away from this."

My smile dropped as realization hit me full fledge. I actually fell onto my hands.

"Ethan I—" the door opened and closed, "I-I love you!"

I whispered the words, but he was long gone. I rolled to my side and curled my knees up to my chest. There were no tears. I felt like I was losing the last part of me. A structure that I never knew was there. I could hear something shattering and a blank pain consumed me. It was suffocating.

I pressed my face into my knees and shook my head back and forth. I murmured no over and over to myself. This couldn't really be happening. I lost him. I lost him because I took my damn time and now I was too late. I should've embraced my feelings the second I knew they were there. I should've kissed him back at the Winter Formal. I should've talked it out and forgiven him for what happened between Violet. I should have apologized that day. I should have let our rendezvous to go on longer.

I screamed—a loud, broken, and lost cry. My whole body was numb and I was fighting against the odds. I knew I was fighting for something that could never come back. I screamed again, then continued to shriek over and over. My knuckles were so white from clutching my legs. My glasses were discarded. My hair covered my face and surrounded me like a brown puddle of dried blood.

The door opened, but I ignored it. I heard footsteps, but continued to let out loud cries. Where were the waterworks? Where were the sniffles? Arms engulfed me, picking me up and placing me on the bed. I caught sight of black hair and froze. Ethan?

"It's okay, my little girl," he murmured. He kissed my temple and pulled the cover over me.

I closed my eyes and screamed again. Finally, the tears showed. They filled my eyes and spilled out. The ran over my cheeks and dribbled down my cheeks. I cried to myself, wondering why I was so stupid. Why couldn't I have tried harder? I shouldn't have let him go!

☁☁☁☁☁☁☁

For the rest of winter break I stayed in bed. My mom dropped off food and I would munch on it boredly. My siblings would come in. Every day they read a book to me, a fairytale about a princess warrior. The protagonist of that story was strong. I wasn't strong, even in my own story. I thought about the empty space in my room and then would compare it to the emptiness that filled me. I had lost every last thing the second Ethan said his final good-bye.

Seeing him in school wouldn't be enough. He would ignore me, move on, and I would still be a shell of something I never was. It was my last day and I was willing for it to go slower. I was cuddled in my blankets, not staring at anything in particular. I was trying to stay dead to the world.

A knock on my door didn't make me move. I kept myself huddled in my cocoon. I wasn't ready to see anybody again. To talk. I didn't want to go back to school tomorrow. I dreaded it. I yearned to see Ethan, but seeing him would kill me.

"Oh... Sery," someone murmured. Their voice was muffled by the blankets on my head.

I shot up, throwing the blankets off me. Only one person called me that. I burst into a smile—despite everything—as I took the woman in. Grammy stood there, watching me sadly. I jumped out of bed and rushed over to her. I was dizzy, but I didn't let it stop me.

I threw my arms around her and she happily hugged me back. She sighed as a strained, broken laugh spilled from my lips. We stood there, embracing each other for a long time. In my time alone, I forgot about Grammy. I forgot about the person I fought for so many years. I smiled as tears pricked my eyes.

She held me at arm's length and studied me. She glanced me up and down and frowned. Grammy pursed her lips and shook her head. I glanced down at myself, unsure of what was wrong. I was disheveled, but I didn't think I looked that bad.

"You are so gaunt," she mumbled, then pinched her nose, "and you stink. Go shower, I'm not talking to you until you do."