Theodore

AINE 5

Kanina pa siya nakaalis pero hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin nauubos ang mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan. 

"Umalis ka na." I said. He saw that I was dead serious kaya kahit nagdadalawang-isip ay umalis na siya.

"Sorry for barging in. I know you are busy. I just want to talk."

"You're years too late." Gusto kong isigaw sa kanya yun. Gusto ko siyang sigawan at ibuhos sa kanya ang sakit na aking nararamdaman. 

How dare him tell me over and over again that he wants us to talk. What is there to talk? What for? 

I curl myself like a cocoon in the sofa. Iyak lang ako ng iyak habang pinagmamasdan ang umiiyak na langit. Damn it, even the sky is crying. I held my chest. It hurts all right. 

I am crying to hard, harder than the first time I saw him after he left me. It feels like it burns. I hate it. I hate how fragile and weak I get whenever I think of him. All these years I managed to be strong, brave and independent. Ni hindi ko na iniisip na magbabalik siya. Pero sino ang niloloko ko? Kanina lang ay nakita ko siya ng malapitan, ng kaming dalawa lang. Ang dami kong tanong sa kanya.

Kung bakit niya ako nagawang iwan...

Saan ba ako nagkulang...

I hold my chest, tighter this time. I can hear the thunder outside and it feels scary it makes me weak. Pero mas may nakakatakot pa pala. It's when we think that we could not get any better. That every day is getting worse.

I wake up with the familiar sound. It's my alarm clock. Sa tagal ng panahon, ngayon lang ako nagising dahil sa alarm. I actually don't need the alarm anymore because I always wake up before the alarm went on. Pero iba ngayon. Tumayo ako at tumingin sa salamin. I look horrible and pain, no matter how hard I conceal it, its visible to my eyes. 

Napatungo ako. Ano ba tong ginagawa ko sa sarili ko. It's been years, Olivia, wake up! I shook my head and tried to act as normal as possible but the pain seems getting worse and worse. I sighed in defeat. I think the more you resist, the more it pains. 

Tumayo na ako. I tried to move my body though I still feel that familiar ache.

"Get a hold of yourself, Olivia." I talked to myself in the mirror. Tumulo yung luha ko ng matitigan ko na ang mukha ko. I am not Olivia anymore. I don't look like Olivia. I look like a lost puppy, crying and waiting for someone to hold on to. 

I turned the shower on while I am still on my dress. Hindi ko na alintana ang lamig. I promise that after this, no more heartbreaks...no more tears. 

Paalis na ako ng unit ko ng may mapansin ako sa may pintuan. It's an envelope. 

Angel

I tried to compose myself when I read what's written on the envelope. Walang pangalan kung kanino galing pero parang alam ko na. There is only one person in this world who calls me Angel. But that was years ago. Hindi na ngayon.