A butterflies journey {Octavia Blake} BOOK 1

Chapter 25 Trying

       I wake up on the floor with my arm through the crib. Hailey's peacefully sleeping holding onto my pinky. I smile and yawn. I've been on the floor every single night the past few days, I haven't slept in so long and I feel like a walking zombie. I sit there with my head leaning against the bars and my hand stuck in the crib. I'm slowly drifting off when I hear her scream. I jump up from shock and gently take her out of the crib. "Hey Hail. Good morning to you too." I say walking out of the room. I walk downstairs to the living room and lay a blanket down on the floor. I grab my computer and lay Hailey on the floor. "You wanna call Daddy!?" I ask her smiling. I place my computer in front of us and skype Lincoln. A few rings later he picks up. "Ahh look. Who's that's!?" I bring Hailey up to see Lincoln. "Aww Hello baby girl. Hailey!" He smiles and waves at her. I lay her back down. "Hey sexy mama." He says to me. "Hey. What's up." I ask him. "Nothing much, I miss you." He says says. "Yeah, I miss you too." I say looking down. "How's work been." I ask. "Pretty good, it's really busy out here." He tells me. We continue to talk for another hour before he has to leave. "K babe I got to go now, love you. Love you Hails!" And he hangs up before I can say anything else.

    After lunch, I'm running around the house like a crazy person trying to find Hailey's susie. I can't find it anywhere and she's crying. I think I left it at Bellamy's house the other day. I grab my phone and call him.
O: Hey bell. Is Hailey's Susie there?
B: Um no, I haven't seen it.
O: Ugh Ok.
B: Um O? Are you ok... Hailey sounds like she's dying...
O: Yep everything's amazing... shh Hailey, it's ok. Ok bell I got to go.
B:Um ok... call me if you need anythi-
O: ya I will bye.
I hang up and throw my phone on the couch. I lift Hailey up and bounce her. "Come on Shh calm down please." I walk over to the kitchen and back to the living room. I walk back and forth with her for what seems like hours.

I walk upstairs with her still crying. I walk into my room and try to calm her down. I'm getting so frustrated. I lay her on the bed angrily. She's screaming and crying and squirming. I hold my face and back up staring at her. She's freaking out and all I can do is watch her struggle. She's slowly moving to the edge of the bed. I hear the door open and I'm frozen and continue to watch her. She's so tiny and loud all at the same time. I feel like I'm going to die. "O?" Raven comes running in. "Woah. Omg." She runs over and quickly picks up Hailey and brings her to her chest. "What the hell O!" She looks at me confused. I run my hand through my hair and look at her. "I can't... I can't do this!" I say. Ravens standing there bouncing up and down while Hailey stops crying. "How could he leave! She hates me and he knows it! She won't sleep! She won't drink from me! She screams and cry's all day and night." I say crying. "Im so tired... I just wanna sleep. I wanna sleep in bed and not on the floor." I say holding my head. "He left me. He left me thinking I could do this but I can't." I take a big breath and let my tears fall. "I just can't." I cry. "Octavia. Your doing a great job." Raven says still bouncing her. "No I'm not! You stoped her from crying just now... I was gonna let her fall of the bed! What kind of person am I!"I tell her upset. "O.. Your tired and stressed and your trying. I know it's hard alone. But you gotta just breath." She says to me. "Here hold out your arms." She tells me. "No she's gonna start crying." I say stepping back shaking my head. "Hold out your hands." She says again. I slowly let out my hands. She places her in my arms and I look down at her. She's so small and innocent, her beautiful green eyes and her lips so identical to Lincoln's. She's staring at me and smiles. I smile back at her. "You need to sleep O. I can stay here for a bit and watch her if you want." Raven tells me. "No.. I think I got it. Thanks Raven." I say. She smiles at me. "Your an amazing mom, your gonna be fine." She says. I nod my head. "Call me if you need anything. And try and sleep." She tells me and hugs me.

After she leaves I walk over to my bed and sit down. Hailey's getting sleepy I see it in her eyes. I lay down and bring her close to my chest. I fall asleep and don't wake up until morning. When I wake up it's 9:40am. Hailey's glued to my chest with her eyes closed. I smile and lay my head back down.