Shatter [Jonathan Byers] Stranger Things II

XLVII: Despondent

de·spond·ent

adjective

in low spirits from loss of hope or courage.

Nancy woke up in an unfamiliar bed with a familiar feeling of regret deep in her belly. Knees tucked tight against her chest, she clutched the duvet and wondered how she would face Jonathan now, let alone drive all the way back home to Hawkins. Dread filled her as she realized she had caused a rift, something she would never want someone else to do to her relationship – even if she didn't have one to speak of now. She admitted to herself late last night that she did care for Jonathan, and perhaps she had for a long time now, it was insidious and hid underneath affection for Steve.

Now she had faced it head on and regretted every ounce of it. She would have done anything last night if Jonathan had kissed her back, but he had realized something. He realized how much he cared about Emilia, how much that kissing Nancy back would destroy her and whatever strings they had left keeping them connected. Nancy hadn't even thought about it, not for a second, and she felt so utterly selfish.

The right thing to do was clear, but she was scared.

While she had the adrenaline, she decided to face it head on. From the dim light coming into the window, to the sound of someone making breakfast in the kitchen, Nancy knew that it had to be around eight in the morning. She rose to her feet, quickly got herself dressed, and then went to address the situation. She had to at least apologize and explain herself to Jonathan, and it would either make things smooth between them, or somehow make it more awkward. Though she doubted the latter was even possible.

She didn't even knock when she opened the sliding doors to the den, and walked in on Jonathan pulling a shirt over his head. She noticed something on chest that she had -rightfully- never seen before. A small, upside down outline of a camera, simple but well done. It was a tattoo, something Nancy had only noticed on some of the more "punk" kids in the high school, and how they got them she didn't want to know -it made her think of all sorts of infections and garage-style tattooing.

"What is that?" Nancy asked suddenly, blurting it out without even bothering with formalities, like apologizing for walking in on him changing.

Jonathan held the discarded shirt in his hands and looked at Nancy, not sure what she meant.

She pointed at his chest.

Jonathan glanced down, and a faint smile appeared on his face, it reached his eyes.

"A tattoo."

"When did you get a tattoo?" She asked.

"The summer, when Emilia and I went to Lake Michigan. It was her idea," he said everything with so much love.

Nancy suddenly felt despondent; their love was so strong, so much so that they went and got matching tattoos, which in her mind was stupid, and yet she envied them. She clutched her left arm with her right, shifting her feet awkwardly as she realized just how far she had overstepped by kissing him.

"Look, I'm sorry about last night, it wasn't my place," she muttered.

Jonathan grabbed a new, clean shirt, and put it on. "Our heads were both in the same place, Nancy, only mine was confused. Maybe yours was too, but I know where I stand now. I'm sorry that it took us kissing for me to figure out what was right in front of me, what I need to fix. I threw everything I had away because I was upset, that's one of the most childish things I've done. It's embarrassing, really, to think that one hiccup and I walked away like Emilia and I had nothing, no foundation laid."

"She's really good for you..." Nancy said quietly.

Jonathan nodded, "I know. And I screwed it up. I'm going to tell her what happened last night, I can't withhold that from her. That's what mixed everything up in the first place. Let's get back home, maybe you can fix things with Steve, you know? We all made our mistakes, and I think it's time to start to repair them, just like we're doing with outing Hawkins Lab, giving Barb and almost authentic send off."

Nancy nodded, but she didn't feel much better.

They arrived at Jonathan's house a few hours later, the car ride having been near-silence but less awkward than either of them anticipated. It was as though Jonathan had aged ten years and was suddenly overly mature about it all, and Nancy felt left in the dust, still just some high school kid. She thought of the tattoos, wondering where Emilia's was, wondering how they had decided upon something like that. Jonathan had said it was Emilia's idea, and she smiled thinking about Emilia suddenly deciding it, and where they had gone to get it. She nibbled her lip as they pulled up the empty driveway of the Byers house, feeling nervous now that there was no one home.

Jonathan tentatively got out of the car, keys dangling in his hands as he reached the front door. It wasn't even locked, which wasn't all that strange -no one would come rob the Byers, and things like that didn't really happen in Hawkins. But something was amiss, it was the weekend and someone should have been home.

Nancy looked around at the strange drawings that covered the house -she didn't find it all that strange given the history of strange things that had occurred within these walls. However, something was amiss.

Jonathan began shouting for his mum and for Will, wandering through the house. He crouched down when he found something belonging to a camera that was not his. He gripped it in his hand, confused and perplexed. Someone else had been in his house, which meant that his family could be gone- from the looks of things, as strange as they appeared, something bad happened. Something was back, and he felt ice run down his veins and pooled in her feet. Wavering slightly, he realized that maybe doing what they did to Hawkins Lab was too much, maybe they had struck out and attacked their families in retaliation.

It didn't add up, but Jonathan knew that they had to go back to Hawkins Lab and demand answers.

He wondered, was Emilia safe?

Rushing to the phone, he dialed the number for her house -or Hopper's- and didn't receive an answer. He called the grocery store to ask if she was working -she usually worked weekends. They told him that they hadn't seen her or Joyce in some time -but that Joyce had phoned to take time off because Will was sick.

"Sick?" Jonathan asked.

"Some fever, or something, that's all she told us, hun."

"Th-thanks..."

Now it was his turn to feel despondent. 

So, I have no idea if I already revealed that they got tattoos, but when I did a "word search" in my Microsoft Word, I couldn't find any evidence that I had? So if I already revealed this, let me know! I scrolled through chapters too, but never spotted it. Also, please don't get tattoos with your significant other. I mean, you can do what  you want, but I've seen marriages of 25 years fall apart, so you never know. I'm covered in ink, even one for my best friend, I have matching tattoos with my coworkers, but I will never get one for my boyfriend. We've been together 6.5 years, but it's never going to happen. 

Question of the Day: When you're feeling down, or despondent, what do you do to lift your spirits? (and if anyone says "make Paprikash" I'll accept it)