saints and soldiers » klance

22: ...But Home is Nowhere

Asphyxiate on words I would say
I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue

He couldn't hear birds outside, but he could hear traffic. The sun was peeking over the edge of the horizon, just starting to cast light across the city, and the dining hall was opening for breakfast somewhere below.

He hadn't gone back to sleep after Lance left the night before- he estimated that he'd slept for maybe an hour and a half- but he hadn't locked the door again either. He was now caught somewhere in between wanting to go downstairs and talk to them, like Lance had so plainly said he could- even should- and wanting to hide here until they forgot he existed so that none of them would have to deal with him anymore.

Before he could over think it, he stood up and walked out of the room and straight into the dining hall.

He got in line with a tray, both hoping and not hoping to see Hunk behind the counter again today. He could almost feel his heart pounding against his ribcage, but he'd made up his mind.

He didn't want to be afraid forever. He'd always hated being scared; it was part of the reason numbing himself became such a handy skill. Numbness he could take so much better than being scared. He didn't want to be afraid, and he didn't want to be weak.

So he wasn't going to be.

He filled his plate without looking at the faces of his servers, because he wasn't sure if he'd be able to maintain his resolve if he saw Hunk's concerned face. When he hit the end of the line, he sucked in a breath and turned to search the dining hall.

He didn't see any of them. His heart sank. Maybe they all had the day off. But the back table was open, so he grabbed his tray from the counter and walked quickly toward it before someone else could stake a claim. He couldn't help a slight grin of satisfaction when he sat down before another group that had been headed this way.

"OH MY GOD-" someone shrieked from his right, just before being cut off.

Keith looked over to see Shiro, Pidge, Hunk and Lance all standing off to his right with trays in hand. Pidge was pointing at Keith, wide-eyed, and Shiro's hand was over her mouth as the latter grinned embarrassedly and waved a little. The other two were slack-jawed and staring, Lance smiling slightly through his shock.

Keith stared back at them like a deer in the headlights, thoughts racing. What did he do?

Pidge squirmed until she managed to wriggle free of Shiro's grip, then turned to stare at Keith again. "Oh my god," she said. "Did you guys see that? Please tell me you saw that!" She was still pointing, and Keith leaned away slightly, worried her flailing arms would hit him.

"I think that was actually the cutest thing I've ever seen," Hunk said faintly, hands on either side of his face as he continued to stare. "And my mom volunteers at a kitten rescue."

Lance was grinning, obviously amused by Keith's confusion as the four of them found places to sit on the benches around him.

"You were smiling," Lance explained, and Keith stared back blankly, feeling his cheeks go red. He couldn't remember the last time he blushed, either. Pidge shrieked again, flopping dramatically onto Shiro's shoulder. "It's so cute," she moaned, and Shiro just patted her head reassuringly as he dug into his breakfast.

"These eggs are subpar," Hunk said disdainfully, already moving on from what had apparently become a very important topic. "Izzy must have made them." Lance grinned over at his friend. "If you want we can sneak into the kitchen and you can make a new batch to replace them," he suggested helpfully. "I know a guy."

Hunk rolled his eyes. "You know all the guys," he said, but he was smiling. "That won't be necessary," he reassured after another bite of the eggs. "I'll just make really good eggs tomorrow to make up for today."

"Please do," Shiro said, pushing his plate around so the eggs were furthest away from him. "I don't think I can ever eat other people's eggs again, Hunk." Hunk grinned proudly while Lance laughed. Pidge was engrossed in another heaping plateful of strawberries.

"How-" Keith broke off and cleared his throat when the word came out raspy, trying to ignore the way the table had gone silent around him. "How do you keep getting strawberries?" he asked weakly, resisting the urge to curl into himself at the weight of all the stares focused on him.

Pidge stared blankly for roughly four seconds before grinning, sitting up, pushing her glasses up on her nose. "I made friends with the guy who does most of the work with the produce in the kitchen," she said, a self-satisfied look on her face. "He gets me the strawberries."

Keith nodded and returned to his pancakes, keeping his eyes focused on his food until he feels their eyes start to drift away from him. He hadn't stopped to think before he spoke. He had just blurted it out, which was probably how it had to be; overthinking it probably would have stopped him.

Slowly, they began to return to their conversations. Keith listened in but didn't contribute- someone named Matt had been staying at school way too late to work on things for his classes, according to Pidge and Shiro, and Lance was excited for an upcoming swim meet, according to Lance and Hunk. Keith smiled slightly into his food every now and then as he listens to them. With the dissolution of his silence came the dissolution of his constant straight face, apparently, and he was surprised at how good it felt to allow expression to show on his face again- to smile. He'd spent a long time hiding these things.

It felt like a pressure had been released from low in his chest. He wasn't sure he'd even really noticed its presence before. He felt... more free than he really ever had. He almost smiled again. Really, all of this was because of...

He looked to his right.

Lance.

Hunk was chatting away merrily opposite Lance, and Shiro and Pidge were still talking about Matt. Nobody was watching him as he slid over on his bench, leaned toward Lance and quietly said, "Thank you."

He got up to empty his tray, and nobody really noticed the smile Lance wore as Keith walked away.