Guarded

||thirteen||

"Good morning, Cassidy," Marie greets me with a smile.

"Hey, Marie," I reply.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Why are you so melancholy?"

"I just got in a fight with my mother last night. That's all." I sink down in my seat even more.

"Oh, it'll be okay. What were you two fighting about?" She asks, trying to comfort me.

"I don't really wanna talk about it." Marie raises her eyebrows at me, nudging me to say it anyway. I sigh, but tell her. "We were fighting about love and relationships and how I don't think love is a beautiful thing and that I should at least date someone, but I don't want to get hurt and all that stuff," I say without any breaths.

"Love is a beautiful thing, Cassidy," Marie says. "You've read The Fault In Our Stars, right?" I nod. "Do you remember the last couple of lines of the book?"

"I do, Augustus. I do," I reply, quoting the last two sentences.

"No, no. Before that."

"Oh, during Augustus's letter? Yeah, I remember that." I sit up straighter to recite the quotation. "'You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choice, I hope she likes hers.'"

"See?" Marie says, excitedly. "Everybody is bound to get hurt in this world. That's how life goes. I believe you cannot go through life never getting hurt at least once. That book is a great example. Hazel Grace loved Augustus. Augustus loved her. They were madly in love. Everything was nearly perfect. Except for the fact that Hazel still had cancer, but that doesn't matter right now. Then Gus died and Hazel Grace was hurting, but she was still happy because she knew Gus was in a better place.

"I know that Zayn hurt you at the dance by ditching you for Kyla, but you forgave him, right? You're not still sad or mad at him, right? You guys are pretty okay friends now." I nod. "Everything will always get better." Marie smiles. "So, I don't know why you think love is an awful thing, or the reason why your heart is so guarded, but I say listen to your mom. Give it a chance. You're most likely not gonna fall in love with the first guy you date, but you should definitely expand your horizons. I mean, you can't just live your life guarded and alone."

You can't just love your life guarded and alone.

I nod slowly, taking in all that was just said to me. "What about if I get married to that guy and we live a long, happy life, but then one of us dies and leaves the other alone and hurting inside?"

"Then you would of had the joy of living a long, happy life with the person you love and the joy of knowing that that person is in a better place," Marie replies without missing a beat.

I nod again. "What if you think you love a person, but then they go and do something completely despicable and then they divorce you?"

"I can't say anything to that," Marie shakes her head. "But I believe everything happens for a reason. What that reason is, I do not know and I cannot say. Some things maybe just weren't meant to be. But some other things, some other things are meant to be."

"Wow..." I blow air out of my nose. "I didn't know you had that in you, Marie. That was deep."

"To be honest, I don't know where half that stuff came from." She giggles. "I just kind of made it up on the spot."

"Well, thanks," I say. It didn't really help, though.

-

"Cassie!" Niall comes up behind me.

"Uh, hi," I reply, turning to face him. I pull my books closer to my chest and rock back and forth on my feet.

"How've you been? I haven't gotten a chance to talk to you all day," he says with a warm smile.

"I've been okay."

Niall stares at me with ocean blue eyes and a large, goofy smile. He reaches his hand over and pushes a piece of my chestnut hair out of my face.

"Wanna go out?" I suddenly blurt out.

"What?" Niall cocks his head to the side.

"Wanna go out? With me? Just the two of us. Lets do something fun." I jump up and down with excitement.

"Yeah," he agrees. "Lets do something fun."

We run over to Niall's car and get in, laughing. I'm not even sure what's so funny. I text my mum to tell her that I won't be home until late. She okays it when I say I'm going out with Niall.

"So, where do you wanna go?" He asks, starting the car.

"Somewhere. Anywhere. I just wanna get away from people." I run my had through my brunette locks.

"Oh, so I don't count as people," he says with a smirk.

I've come to love his smirk over the past four months I've been here. Yes, I love his smirk.

"I think we both know you definitely do not count as people." I laugh.

We drive for hours, talking, singing songs, long pauses of comfortable silence. Until finally, we pull up to a lake.

"Niall, I don't have a swimsuit," I point out.

"Who said we need swimsuits?" He smirks.

My eyes widen. "Niall, um, I'm not into that-"

"Oh, God, no. I mean we can swim in our clothes," he quickly says. "Jeez, Cassie. Get your mind out of the gutter. I wouldn't take you skinny-dipping."

I laugh and he laughs, too.

"C'mon." He opens the door for me and I step out, breathing in the fresh air.

We walk along the edge of the blue lake, talking about things. I can't help but stare at his beautiful face. We find a tire swing and he offers to gently push me on it. I get shivers when his hand gently pushes my back, sending me forward on the hanging tire.

Niall takes my hand in his and stands me up. He places his hand on the small of my back and brings my hand to his shoulder. We lock fingers and Niall takes the lead. We dance without any music for hours. I lay my head on his chest and listen to the rhythm of his heartbeat, never wanting this moment to end.

"Cassie?" He whispers.

"Yeah?"

"Can I tell you something?" He bites his lip.

"Go for it." I smile.

"Okay, I'm not good at this kind of stuff, so I'm just gonna say it. Cassie, you've been on my mind ever since I met you that first day in first hour. I couldn't stop thinking about you. You were just always there. I've never met anyone who had that effect on me. When you smile, I get butterflies in my stomach and I can't help but smile back. You're laugh is so amazing, I've never heard anything like it." I can feel my flush and I look down at my hands. "And you're actually really cute when you blush. You're so beautiful. I wish you would see that, too. When we spend time together, I always dread the time that it has to end. I never want to leave you. I just wanna stay with you. Even when we don't talk and we just sit in silence, I don't feel awkward or uncomfortable. It's just nice and peaceful and enjoyable because I'm with you. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. You make me happy. You make me insane. But it's the good kind of insane. You're honestly the most amazing, interesting, beautiful, wonderful, girl I've ever met. And what I'm saying is super lame, but-" He takes his finger and gently raises my chin so our eyes meet. "I think I love you. And not just the kind of love that two best friends share. I think I might be in love with you."