I fell in love with this great guy, he loved me and treated me great. We would hang out and he never took advantage of me, he loved me the way I was. When I wasn't ready to kiss him, he didn't push me.I was wrong, very wrong. This "great" guy ended up hurting me, he changed me and when he finally broke my heart, 5 months later, I didn't even recognize myself.
We started going out when I was in grade 8, he was in grade 9 and I hadn't even had my first kiss yet; at first we were going to pretend date just to mess with our friend that introduced us but then we started liking each other. We would text and Skype and we would always be talking. As I mentioned, I hadn't had my first kiss yet and I wanted to have it, but not go any farther. Honestly, I was scared to kiss him; I had never done it before! How do you move your lips? Do you close your eyes? How long will it be? My head was filled with questions that I was too embarrassed to ask so I turned to the thing with all the answers...the internet. I found myself watching YouTube videos about how to kiss, then how to make out, then how to french kiss. I practiced and I guess I got good.
We started kissing and it was great, just being near him would bring butterflies to my stomach; holding hands, looking into my eyes, kissing my lips, it was all so great. But, he wasn't as great as I thought him to be. Pretty soon he wanted more, and he managed to convince me that I wanted it too. I didn't really realize what was going on but he wasn't letting me hang out with my friends and he would avoid them at all costs but would want to spend all his time with me, I lost a lot of my friends because of this.
A few months later, he bought a box of condoms, brought me into a bush and fucked me. I never wanted to go past kissing. Never. I had told myself that I'd wait till I'm married, or at the very least, 18. I was 14 and he would bend me over, spank me, and shove it inside of me. (I was wrong when I wrote this. I wrote it as rape and that's a lie. He didn't rape me, I wanted it.)
When he broke up with me, I thought it was the end of the world. I didn't have anyone to talk to because my friends had warned me about him and I told them that he was a good guy and wouldn't hurt me. I should have broken up with him as soon as he started acting like an ass to my best friend. I trusted some douche bag above her, I hated myself for it so much, even now I still regret it.
The night he dumped me (on a Skype call!) I went upstairs and cried with my mom. She said she felt like she was getting her daughter back, I didn't realize it yet but I wasn't myself, he had manipulated me to be exactly what he wanted.
We went to the same school when we met but I switched before we broke up. He started to tell people that he had nudes of me and one of my only friends that I had left called me to tell me that he's showing people. I was crying and my mom walked up, she called my step dad and they discussed it. My mom called his mom to check to see if he had deleted all of them, his mom wouldn't check because she didn't care. My step dad decided that if he didn't delete them that he was going to call the cops for possession of child pornography. I called him and he deleted them while we were on the phone.
I guess that if there's anything to learn from this, it's that friends always need to be above boyfriends. Your friends know you better than he/she does and they care about you more. If someone points out a red flag or something that isn't good about them then you need to take a step back and examine it. A lot of people care more about others than themselves, I know this applies to me, so trade places with your best friend, would you let your little sister or best friend date a guy after he did this to her? If no then break it off before he breaks your heart!
