A Beautiful Mess

Chapter 25

Why didn't I prepare myself for this possibility? 

A man who, now at twenty-five, affected me twice what he had in my troubled teen years. Ten times that!

God, he was sexy. Dark, dangerous, that sense of the untamed just barely suppressed below the surface....

His face was more mature, more shuttered than ever before, and impossibly handsome. He had dark eyes that seemed to hold all the mysteries in the universe, a long nose that flared slightly when he was mad, frustrated. Or aroused. The features of his face seemed to be carved from stone.

All at once, there was nothing in my universe but Josh kissing, touching, biting, and exploring every inch of my body with his mouth, his tongue, and his hands. For the first time in my life, I forgot everything else. The bliss sent an earthquake through my loins, causing my body to fluctuate on the brink of the sublime.

Nothing in my experience prepared me for the new sensations; the tingle on my neck, arms, and hands; the tightening of my belly when a wave of lightning engulfed it; 

His lips devoured mine; his tongue explored my mouth, neck, and ears. His teeth found my breasts and nipples, his tongue torturing them until I moaned in need.

With gentle, delicate flicks of his tongue, he brought me close to the edge so many times that I lost count in ecstasy. I could do nothing more than squeeze the blankets.

His hands finally placed himself between my thighs, slowly, gradually, insistently.

Gripping his shoulders, I raised my hips in glorious surrender to the first wild wave of pleasure.

Lifting himself over, he entered me on the second wave. Instinct had me wrapping my legs around him, and we held on to each other as if the world would burst apart if we let go.

Crying out as one, we soared over the edge and all the way to the far side of paradise.

Even in the aftermath he wouldn't let go. Rolling to his side, he brought me with him, kissing me with untamed joy.

"I loved you. God, I've never loved anyone the way I loved you. I would have given you everything I had to give if you'd only let me in a little." I confessed to him finally.

********

 My head was pounding when I woke up, it was 4 in the morning and everything around me swirled yet I could sense something was wrong. I looked down at myself; I was wrapped in nothing but a bed sheet. I looked to my right and there he laid in all his naked glory. Realization dawned and I quickly gathered my clothes and ran to my room. This can't be happening. Somehow I stumbled in my room. My head was exploding from the obvious liquor consumption and now with these overwhelming thoughts. I popped a pill and hugged my pillow and secured myself with a cozy blanket. Hopefully it's all a dream and when I wake up things would be normal.

******

It was horrible, the next morning I mean. When I woke up and realized it was all true. Me and Josh; we, yes we made love. I wanted to cry my eyes off, but what was I supposed to do? It was Arya's wedding day and I couldn't spoil it. Dad arrived in noon and I just couldn't face him. I tried to avoid any human contact and drowned myself in unnecessary work. Mostly I was in an emotional turmoil, what was I supposed to feel? Sad that I lost my virginity, Angry that I was drunk, ashamed that I did it before marriage or I could just blame it all on Josh or our drunkenness. Was there a possibility that I could be happy that I did it with the one I loved, from all my heart and soul. The easiest thing right now was to avoid any contact with anyone, escapism is what I chose.