A Beautiful Mess

Chapter 35

  I laughed at Arya's antiques. Arya and Ashk were adorable. Living around them brought me out of my depressing phase. Arya being the sweet heart she was had called over Zarine for a month as well. So Zar and I were staying with Dad and Arya would come over now and then. They helped me a lot. I began to smile more and somewhere down the line I rediscovered myself.

 The Kalsi who was always happy, who used to bake, who used to be busy for her own good, the sassy sarcastic Kalsi was back. Last few months with Josh were horrifying, we were a complete mismatch and the whole arrangement was a disaster. But I got my shit together and decided to lead a merry life. In the last few months after I left Josh, we vacationed in Bahamas and now in my 9th month I was in London with my Dad and friends.

There has been no contact with Josh whatsoever, occasionally I would chat with Keegan and that was about it.

Josh still doesn't know that I’m in London. He has been searching for me since I left but I left him no clue and nor did the people I knew helped him. Juju had grown and outdone himself; I still couldn't forgive myself for risking its life. I missed Gam more than anything right now; she would make me all sorts of food which is consumed during pregnancy.  I'd gained weight a little more from pre- juju and pre-sufferings.

Arya and Zar said they could never forgive Josh for what he did to me. They left after lunch and I was home alone. In the evening I decided to take a stroll in the garden nearby. It was getting colder. After dressing adequately I went for a walk. I walked at my own heavily pregnant pace. It was breezy and my scarf which was hung loosely around my neck flew. Arghh! I couldn't chase a flying scarf for obvious reasons thus I just stood looking at my bright green scarf fly away and nestle around a man standing at a distance from me.

I walked over to him; he grabbed the scarf and turned around to face me.

Yet again I froze in the already cold weather. What was life? Why was it making my existence so difficult?

“I was hoping it was you,” he said with a faint smile.

“And why is that?” I asked nonchalantly.

He came forward wrapped the scarf around my neck and touched my face.

I flinched and moved backwards.

“What do you want?” I asked.

He smiled, this time a genuine smile.

“You, now and forever.” he said.

I'd always dreamt of a day when Josh would realize he loved me, but now was not the time, it was too late. I wasn't the same Kalsi anymore, sure I adapted and chose to be happy but the real fact was I was broken from the inside, his love broke me and now I had no strength left.

I just looked at him, his face was tormented, and he looked pathetic and tired. His once handsome face looked pale, with an overgrown stubble and heavy bags under his sleep deprived and once dazzling eyes.

“It's too late Josh,” I simply said and started walking towards my apartment.

“Kalsi, Kalsi, please wait!” he cried and ran in front of me. He knelt in front of me and folded his hands.

“Please Kalsi,” he said.

“I love you,” he said again looking at me.

I just glared at him.

“I know, I was a jerk, I still am and you deserve someone way way better than I am, but I’m in love with you, I’m truly and deeply in love with a girl I met at the age of 17,” he said.

“I made a hell lot of mistakes, I screwed up and it took me 8 years to realize I was in love with this amazing kind beautiful girl I met at Maa's place, I don't expect you to love me straight away after what I've put you through, but please, please, one chance is all I ask for.” he finished.

I was choked. He just said the words I'd always wanted to hear but this wasn't enough.

“I’m sorry Josh, but that 17 year old girl, she isn't here anymore,” I said and walked away leaving him on his knees.

He stood up and ran behind me again.

“I am not letting you go this time Kals, I’m not,” he said.

“And I’m for sure not divorcing you,” He yelled.

“Divorce?” I asked completely baffled.

“Yes, like you don't know?” He asked.

“I don't,” I stated.

“I got divorce papers a week ago, that's how I found you, I tried to locate you Kals, I did, but no-one knew where you were and Keegan wouldn't open his mouth, it was through these papers I got your address.” he said.

“I don't know what you're talking about, but that doesn't matter, divorce is an eventual fate of this relationship,” I said.

“No it isn't, hear me out loud and clear, I’m not letting you and juju go; do you get that, this time I’m going to give my best.” he said holding onto my hand.

A figure flashed in front of me and I heard a loud thud.

Josh's left eye was half close and he placed his hand over it while Arya massaged her own bruised hand.

“Leave her alone, you son of a bitch,” she yelled and pulled me away in her car.

“Let's go Kals,” she said we zoomed away.