Steam (Kleinsen)

Jared

About time I updated this. Enjoy your irregularly scheduled fanfiction:)

I sat in the forest. I knew what I saw was real. I thought back to the events of yesterday. The way Connor acted when I threw a fireball at him. Earth elementals can't stop fireballs like that. And how his "wig" magically disappears every time he takes it off? Or how his vines flitted to clouds for that split second. It all pointed to one thing. And I was not very happy with that. And if that's not proof enough, the way Evan acts even when anyone offhandedly mentions Connor is too intense a feeling to be real, especially for someone he only just met. Connor's burnt hair was too realistic to be a wig. He was always too in control. I knew Connor Murphy was bad news, but goddamn I didn't think he would be this dangerous.

Of course, Evan would never believe me. Connor's projectionary Magic is too strong for Evan to suddenly snap off. So I decided to keep it to myself.

I saw no point in always scaring myself into thinking I'd burn the forest down. I'd be spending some time here anyway, so I stole away the magic from my old house and placed it here. It was just a few square yards but it was something.

I didn't realize how stressful just sitting in one place was. I got up, dusting off the dirt on my pants. I knew I couldn't go back to my house, mainly because it wasn't my house anymore. So, I picked my stuff and started walking.

I didn't know where I was going until I looked up and saw Evan's house. I walked up to the door and knocked. The door opened to reveal a tired Evan. "Jared, what h-happened?" I fell into his arms, trying my best not to cry. "M-my parents found out I'm g-gay and k-kicked me o-out. I h-have no wh-where to g-go." Evan picked me up and brought me to his room. "How'd they find o-out?"

I swallowed harshly. "Connor kissed me and they walked in on that." Evan's eyes widened. "Did y-you kiss back?" I tensed. I turned to his window and saw Connor sitting outside, watching us. His pupils were impossibly small as he nodded slightly, a smirk on his face. I turned back to Evan. As I was about to answer, Connor spoke up from across the room. "He did, actually." His vines were pulled up into a bun as he slouched against the wall. Connor stood up and sat right next to me. He placed a hand on my thigh. "Right, Jared?"

"Uh, um..." I couldn't finish my thoughts. I clutched my pan pride flag as if it was the only thing keeping me on this earth. "Connor? What happened...?" Evan asked cautiously. "Just a little tongue tennis between two friends, isn't that right Jared?" I froze. I couldn't say anything. "Hmm. Maybe this is a reminder of what fun we had last night?" Connor pulled me onto his laps and smashed his lips against my own. All of a sudden, Evan wasn't there. He was never there. It was just Connor and I on Evan's bed. Connor Murphy kissing me on Evan's bed...

I kissed him back. I pushed him down onto the bed and continued making out with him. I weaved my fingers through his vines and smiled when I felt them change into clouds. Our tongues pushed against each other as our hands explored each other's bodies. I hated Connor Murphy. Wait-

How can I hate something that feels so good? That gives me such immense pleasure? How can I do anything but love it? Yet how can I love something that corrupt everything in its path? What is Connor Murphy to me? What is our relationship? Is there even a relationship? Is there an "us"? And what is Connor Murphy to Evan Hansen? He said they aren't dating. But if I told Evan we made out he'd never forgive me. What is Evan Hansen to me? My friend? Best friend? And what is a best friend? I didn't know. There was so much I didn't know. I hated it. I hated this. I hated Connor Murphy. No. I hated myself.