i'm glad ; k.sy

023

"all of this started developing during highschool; before we broke up, taehyun said, that i only think of the past highschool days and yeah, he's right." seungyoon began and added in his mind besides that there were rarely times when he wasn't right.

kyungmi's eyes widened. "you guys broke up?" 

"yes, we did." awkwardly seungyoon cleared his throat. "anyways, you still remember how i was crushing on hanbin, head boy and member of the basketball team? how i was the happiest boy on earth when he became my boyfriend?"

"of course i do, you were my ultimate ship." replied kyungmi, a smile forming on her lips.

"that's just one of the many reasons, why i never wanted to talk about this to anyone, because i will sound stupid and overdramatic. hanbin was and probably still is well liked and nice to everyone." he sighed, already feeling dumb and weird about the story he was about to tell. it made him feel gross about himself.

"of course you also remember how my mother kicked me out, the day i came out as gay to her. after that i moved in with hanbin, since he was my boyfriend it seemed like the most natural thing to do."

seungyoon swallowed on the lump in his throat. "i don't even know, why it's so hard for me to talk about it. everyone likes him, that's makes it even worse."

kyungmi attempted to take his hand, but he pulled it away, still feeling disgusting.
"after a while it just turned out, that hanbin wasn't the way he seemed to be on the outside to everyone else; he was abusive and i'm not just talking about some leg spreading when i wasn't in the mood- he abused me physically and mentally and it was the most horrible thing i ever went through, worse than my own mother calling me a whore."

actually seungyoon was surprised that he managed to say this without stuttering, but the tears rolled down his cheeks anyways. "i don't want to go into too much detail, that doesn't make it any better."

actually kyungmi wanted to say something during the whole time, but also didn't want to interrupt him until he had finished. though this was worse than any explanation she had thought of in her nightmares.

"when you got together with minhyuk... i had this feeling about him, that he was doing the same to you. the way he acted around you in public, basically everything about him gave me that vibe. you're the most precious person to me in this world, i just don't want you to go through the same things, like i did. i went to all types of therapies, but i refused to talk about what happened to me. sometimes i still wake up at night, as if i'm feeling him hitting me in the face with that damn belt of his. hanbin is the reason why i couldn't be with anyone after him, not even taehyun and still i felt like trying to get him back every time i felt insecure."

just when seungyoon had finished speaking, he started sobbing softly, but quickly covered his face with the sleeve of his hoodie.

this time kyungmi didn't hold back and hugged him as tightly as possible from the side. she could feel how her best friend lost his tension and finally let all his tears out.

"minhyuk didn't abuse me, yoon, you wouldn't have to worry." she whispered close to his ear. "but he also made me feel very vulnerable."

eventually she also cried on his shoulder, while saying, that even though they were now at their weakest point, they would find enough strength in each other, like they always did.

and seungyoon cried even more, because this was the way they belonged and he felt like he had done the right thing for the first time in a long while.

on the headphones which had dropped to the floor while they were talking john lennon was still singing about a better world; that night really seemed to be the first step to another, better world for them.

(a/n) i really love hanbin, i just needed someone for this role, sorry