KiKasa RP - Black Magic

Chapter 13

Kise's POV

[ Once. A wave of realization hit me, finally understanding that it'd all be taken away from me in a heartbeat. Would I forget everything that happened? Forget my love for him, all I've felt, the pain, suffer, attraction, and happiness? I could only hope it'd fail, but I hurt him so badly, I might just have to force myself to let go too. Twice. I could see him struggling to speak out, he must be having so much thoughts running around in his head. Is he recalling all that happened today? I am. It was a long day, a lot managed to happen today. The burden must be heavy as a rock sitting on his heart, which is all by my fault. Thrice. I love him. Sharp pains stroke in my body in every possible place, like ice daggers stabbing me repeatedly. I bled from my ears and mouth once again, tears streaming down my face uncontrollably. It was pure, white pain that had me so distracted I couldn't even think about anything, I couldn't even scream for help. It felt as if somebody was pulling my heart right out of my chest by force, as if I was being torn apart... and then I collapsed down on the floor in a puddle of blood. These feelings were brutally taken away from me just the way they were forced in. I hadn't remembered anything next but darkness, and waking up later on didn't feel any better. Indeed, I woke up in my bed, wearing clean clothes from the laundry, no blood splashes seemed to be found in the room. From the rays of sunshine through the window I guessed it was already morning. Rio must've taken care of me. Rio and Kasamatsu senpai. I remember everything, I recalled slowly as I began to patch things up in my head. I know about everything that happened yesterday. One thing in particular, though, was stuck in my mind. It was Kasamatsu Senpai's crying face as he was mumbling goodbye. ]   

Kasamatsu's POV

[ The night ended as Kise blacked out. Rio praised me for being insistent and doing whats right, even if it was in her own tsundere way. I just nodded, and asked her if she could handle him alone. She asked just to help her to move him and change his bloodied shirt. I did as she asked, being the primary one to carry him to his bed. I watched his now serene face one last time before I said my goodbyes, and I was out of the door. The walk home was depressing and gloomy, as the moonlight shone on the streets. I realized, while it all, how lonely I was, and how lonely I am. Most of my life actually went to my team if not my studies, and Kise was a primary light when he joined the club earlier this year. His presence lit up any room we were in, and in his own way, he made me loosen up and feel more lively while we are practicing. I realized, that through it, my affections grew, and I definitely loved him, in the romantic sense of the word, no matter how hard I try to counter it. When I reached to my house, I didn't bother saying I was back. I didn't want my mom, sister, or god forbid, my dad, to see my puffy face and red eyes. I went quickly to my room, shutting myself in. I stood in front of my door for a few seconds before deciding to lock it. I went to my bed and curled under the blankets, and before even noticing, I started tearing up. It wasn't a surprise that I ended crying myself to sleep. The day after, I was still so depressed, I stayed home. I couldn't bring myself to get out of the bed. my mom thought I got sick from yesterday while walking home. Of course, she didn't know better. I sent a text to coach I can't come. I just... hope I didn't make my Kise feel guilty. It's not his fault. As I said before, this is my punishment. And I must endure it. ]   

Kise's POV

[ All along the school day I felt in some kind of trance, as if reality wasn't real enough for me. My classmates greeting me, the fangirls standing out the class windows as they peeked inside, the teacher's lectures, they all seemed to pass by quickly and harmlessly. I hadn't even needed to handle anything, as if I was put in a movie setting. I felt almost soulless and it scared me... I hadn't laughed today or smiled any natural smiles. I barely spoke to my friends since my mind was so fixated on what happened yesterday. I remembered every word, every moment, every tear and drop of blood. I remember telling Kasamatsu before collapsing into unconsciousness that I loved him, and that even when I lose my feelings when the spell dissolves I hadn't wanted him to forget it. I remember confusing him, making the thoughts run around in his head. I remember kissing him passionately as we both had tears in our eyes. I hadn't known If i drove him insane yesterday or just got him out of denial, but he seemed so torn apart at the last moments I saw him... I think I managed to make him like me back, maybe even love me. It would've been awful if I hadn't confessed to him, if I hadn't been open and talked with him yesterday, since all I remember was what I said. The feelings are gone and I just feel empty right now, mainly depressed because of the loss of him and what I felt too. He probably thinks I'm back to being a douche right now, he might try to deny everything that happened yesterday. I can't stop thinking about it, though. I want these feelings back. Of course, I felt joy by the thought of no longer needing to endure these pain strokes... but the loss of these feelings was something more. It made me want to keep going, it made him my goal, just the thought of him made my world light up... I loved him, hadn't I? And I forgot what it felt like. I know I hadn't wanted to forget.]
'Kise, are you gonna come with us to watch the cheerleader practice? There's that girl you like there too.'
[Chihiro, I recalled. My eyes widened as I realized my chest hadn't been filled with warmness at the though of her. I hadn't got up from my seat immediately just like previous times... I guess I thought of her only as a friend now. Moreover, there was something that concerned me more than the cheerleader's practice now. ]   

Kasamatsu's POV

[ I ended up sleeping until 1 pm, having a sweet dream about Kise where we needed no love spells for a relatioship to work. Of course, It was only a dream, and there was nothing could actually do to have him back, now. The thought was saddening and depressing, but I accepted it. If he's happy like that, it's better right? If I love him, I have to let him go, I thought bitterly, while that shitty song played in my head over and over again. Tragic. I got out quietly from bed. Nobody was home. Only me. Yay, I can wallow in my misery for a few more hours. I didn't have the will in order to actually make me an actual meal, so I settled on cereal instead, which I ate pretty violently. Mostly because I was attempting to feel alive in a situation that already buried me 20 feet under, fuck. I still feel like I need Kise desperately. That magic was no joke, showing how in denial I was for last months. Karma is a bitch. I couldn't help but think of him every minute I was awake. I knew I got a trauma, from him getting sick due to me and him having to go through the pain in general.. I was kinda scared, if everything worked, and he was okay... Maybe.... maybe I should text him. Just to make sure. Yeah, just zo make sure. I moved towards my phone and opened our chat on whatsapp. ]
『 To: Rainbow Freak
From: Me
Hey... I just wanted to make sure you are okay and that everything turned out okay... 』
[ I thought about writing I'm worried... but decided against it. I rather not make him feel guilty, now. ]   

Kise's POV

[ In the middle of class, when I thought nothing could become any gloomier, my phone buzzed with a new message. I made sure the teacher hadn't heard my phone buzzing and that no one happened to look under my desk at that moment, and then retrieved my phone out of my pocket. Gasping for a split second, I was filled with new energies seeing at the message has been seen from Kasamatsu senpai, and he was worried about my well being! Why would he do that when obviously he's in a worse condition. Doesn't he feel bad about what we lost? I do. I want to know how it felt... what I was so sure I wanted in my life, I couldn't stop wondering about it. Quickly I typed back, no getting into much detail about myself.]
<To: Kasamatsu senpai
From: Me
Im alri8. R u doin ok? I want 2 c u.>
[I hadn't wanted to elaborate on my intentions since I didn't want him freaked out. Maybe he was relieved to be done and over with it, but the previous me insisted what we had there was important to him. That it was different, it gave me purpose and will do go on, that it gave me butterflies. I had to know what it was, and if it was just as amazing as it was, why not keep it? I might not feel the same way, but feelings can change. Even though Kasamatsu senpai is basically a guy... I convinced myself that what we had back then was such euphoria, I don't even care what's his gender anymore. I wanted him... and I want to know why. ]