INCIPIENT

thirteen - CHRIS

Søndag | Sunday 1:19 am

Chris

"Shit, shit, shit," I muttered under my breath as I jogged from my parked car to the entrance of my apartment complex and continued jogging through the few halls until I reached my door.

I braced myself for what was waiting for me on the other side of the door and slowly opened it. I stepped inside and closed the door behind me, locking it in the process. I pressed my back against the door contemplating whether or not I should face the problem or get the hell out of there as fast as I could. I chose to stay.

"Mamma?" I called out to my mamma and waited for any sign that would signal the presence of another human in this room. It was disturbingly quiet. Even more quiet than usual and that made goosebumps rise up on my skin.

"Christoffer?" I heard mamma reply from the kitchen. I anxiously walked over and saw her sitting on the floor, her back against the stove with one hand holding a glass of wine. She looked the same as she always looked when she was drunk– vulnerable and empty.

My heart yearned to see her fixed, to see her the way she had been before his death. Sadness engulfed my heart at the sight of her disheveled form.

"Mamma, please," I crouched so that I was at eye level with her, "Please don't do this anymore. You can't keep doing this to yourself," I begged for her to listen, but I knew she wouldn't change. She's been messed up since his death. And she'll always be this way. There was no way she could be fixed, but it didn't mean I would stop trying and hoping.

"You don't understand, Christoffer," she slurred and drank the rest of the wine. "You don't understand." She repeated and raised her hand to throw the glass of wine onto the floor, but I quickly grasped her wrist. I gently pried her fingers off and placed the glass on the table closest to me and far enough away from her.

"I do understand! I was there! You can't keep acting like this, you're just throwing your life away and I don't want to lose you like we lost him," I shouted in frustration, but slowly, my voice started getting smaller and smaller.

She turned towards me, so that her hazel eyes were staring into my green ones. Her eyes looked around my face as if searching for something until finally she cupped my face with her cold hands. "You look so much like him," she whimpered and her bottom lip started trembling. I looked away because I knew that if I continued to look her in the eyes, I would break down right alongside her and I didn't want to be weak.

I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat and slowly exhaled. I clenched my fists and finally turned to look at her, "Come on. Let's get you to bed." I stood and reached down for her hands and helped her up. I wrapped her arm around my shoulders and slowly walked to the guest bedroom, also known as her bedroom. She isn't here often, but when she is, that's her room.

With my free hand I open the door and gently drop her onto the bed. As soon as she's on the bed she's fast asleep, looking so peaceful.

"Fuck," I rub my face with my hands and I let out a heavy sigh. I absolutely hate when shit like this happens. She appears and disappears whenever she wants and the only time she needs me is when she's in trouble. I wish our relationship wasn't based on her getting in trouble and me coming to the rescue, but that's just how it is.

I walk out of there and close the door behind me. I walk down the hall and lock myself in my room and take out my phone, checking the time, 1:26. I look through my notifications in hopes of finding her name among the other bazillion names of the girls who constantly hit my line. Disappointed that I didn't see her name, I turn off my phone and take off my shirt and jeans and crawl onto bed, ready for sleep to take over so I can forget about my mamma.

•••

I'm backkkkkk!! This is really short & I'm sorry. I've gotten inspired to write again so hopefully I'll be updating frequently.

Have you guys watched any of the skam remakes?

Personally, the Italian one is my favorite one of the remakes and I'm really excited about skam Austin bc I'm American and it's nice to see my culture in the show + I'm also Hispanic (I'm Mexican & Salvadoran) and the fact that Josefina (Jo) is Hispanic is pretty great !!

See ya guys soon. xxx