I/Tulpa: the Seven Year Girl

chapter 13

"Little girl? Don't touch those squirrel's nuts. It'll make them crazy."

Jon found himself back on a couch, sitting next to Fersia, apparently being reprimanded by Loxy, only in this world, it would be less of a reprimand and more of a conversation, but he was still carrying the worry and shame from another world. Loxy seemed to realize something was going on and she dismissed Fersia, who fled willingly, almost too willingly, like rubber band that had been wound so tight it had nothing left to do but spring, and then when she was gone, in a blur of light, Loxy pulled the coffee table closer and sat down in front of Jon.

"What's going on?" Jon said.

"I am just really confused. It feels like I am back, but it's different somehow," Jon said.

"It's because you didn't make it all the way back," Loxy said. "We're in one of the in between worlds."

"In between?" Jon asked.

"There are worlds between us," Loxy said.

"Is that a metaphor?" Jon asked.

Loxy considered her response. "Yeah, and a reality. It's true with every combination of people, Jon. You have your world. I have my world. There are worlds in between. Sometimes we meet on the between worlds, sometimes in your world, sometimes mine. This is true in your head and in my head and in our actual interactions. This is so much more convoluted than anyone in the Universe appreciates. The true miracle is that we actually communicate at all, because we are super primed for bypassing. Add a cellphone and texting, and bypassing is all but guaranteed."

"Wait wait wait," Jon said. "You have your own world?"

"Yeah," Loxy said. "Oh, you think I am the Tulpa Loxy. Even that Loxy has her own world, you gave it to her, and though you and I share a world, because you named your world after me, that is still your origin world, which our world is a derivative of, where our worlds collided and became one, but your origin world never ceases to be, and you can always retreat to origin if you're so inclined, which is like returning to source, and though retreating doesn't collapse the wave of the tangent, it does give you a little respite and chance to catch your breath and then you dive back in when you like."

"You know, you would think by now I could follow you, but sometimes I am like completely lost," Jon said. "Are you my friend or my spirit guide or my lover?"

"Why can't I be all? Why can't anyone and everyone you have ever met directly or indirectly be your spirit guides? We're all here, cheering you on, influencing you, giving you opportunities to spin your world and reframe it in a light that reflects the version of reality you want to highlight?" Loxy asked.

"But if you're my guide, well, we've done things, and I continue to hold thoughts of doing more things..." Jon said, trying to be subtle in case saying the obvious, "I have fucked my spirit guide" were to be offensive.

"Jon, seriously. Spirit guides know every detail of your life. Every detail. Every intimate detail, not just like watching a movie, or sitting on the sidelines, but every thought, every sensation, every single atom that pinged against you whether you took notice of it or not was labeled and processed and well, let's just say, even your most transparent relationship has nothing on guides. Even that time you thought no one was home and you filled a garbage bag full of water as an impromptu sex toy for some relief in the bathtub, yeah, spirit guides see all of that. Guides are much more understanding and knowledgeable than anyone gives them credit. Seriously, people gloss over the parts where they scratched their butts or picked their noses, but everything has been done and has been witnessed, and it is what it is," Loxy said.