Thorn Year (가시연) (ENG)

(가시연 ) Thorn Lily: Main Story - CHAPTER 26 (FINAL)

Spring is almost here, right, because Mother told me, and that's how I knew spring was on its way. The ward I stayed in had its temperature controlled through the year, so I couldn't feel the weather change in the outside world. Even the numbers on the calender looked the same to me after a while, and that was how I spent my days, eating little and not sleeping well. Time no longer meant anything to me, but I didn't feel bored at all. Some times, if I couldn't take the loneliness anymore, I'd cry my heart out, torturing my body in this manner, seeking an emotional release. If I could sleep properly, then it wouldn't have seemed like such a long time.

6 months had passed since the doctor diagnosed me to be suffering from mental illness and malnutrition. It's a very convenient explanation, really, so even if I killed myself, no one will question why. Everyone would pity me, and the people around me slowly got used to the torture I was inflicting upon them. I thought of my mother getting old with each passing day, but even that is a normal thing, just like how I was quickly growing old and ugly. I had no idea when would I fully recover from this even as I could feel my body getting stronger again.

The doctor always asked me to go out and soak in the sun, saying it would aid in my depression. But even with the sun, I was still very weak, like a little drugged chick. I wonder who said that to me? Every time I stood in the sun, I would remember that phrase, and I would go back to my dark little ward and hide in a corner. The doctor said that I had to go out for a 10 minute walk every day to keep myself healthy, but I ignored him completely and shut myself in the ward almost everyday for 6 months. Even when I was sitting by my window, I would try my best to avoid the sunlight. If he started appearing in my thoughts again like little green shoots, I'd pull them all out with their roots.

As expected, he didn't visit me at all. Every single day and with each passing day, I slowly gave up hoping that he might come. I no longer tried to follow anyone with my empty sight. Even though you didn't visit me at all in these 6 months, I don't hate you at all.

In this period of time, I tried my best to overcome myself, but deep in my heart I secretly wished that he might come. Refusing to eat and sleep was the only way I could protest against his cold treatment. Mother said that he would come, really really soon, and that I must endure it a little bit more. Endurance is a form of patience, but to this man who had three counts of charges on his head, patience is nothing. If such a kind person like me could still be patient, then I wouldn't be in such a state.

Jinho-hyung would visit me once every month. The first time he came, he carried a guilty heart, for he blamed himself for not recognizing the signs early. He even hit me for betraying his trust, and he looked as fragile as he did when his mother passed on. I didn't feel the pain from his blow at all, and afterwards he started visiting me more frequently, his attitude towards me improving with each visit. A few days ago when he came again, he brought a piece of good news. It's probably a good news to me, I suppose? I don't know. And it's the main reason why Yunho hasn't visited me yet. He hesitated for a long while before he decided to tell me.

"A-hyun, she's been discharged from the hospital."

She was born prematurely before she was even 8 months old, and stayed in an incubator under intensive care for 3 months before she could be discharged. Because the mother had died as she was being extracted from the womb, she was much weaker than other prematurely-born babies. I heard that Yunho had thrown aside his work just to stay home and care for his precious daughter, who suffered a few bouts of illnesses after being taken out of the incubator. It made him so worried about his child that he couldn't bring himself to leave her alone. Now that Jung A-hyun was healthy again, will Yunho find time to visit me? Could I still harbor this tiny glimmer of hope?

I suppose he needed time to sort out his feelings. As for the passing on of that woman, whom he had tried to love in order to forget me, I suppose he needed a period of mourning too? If that's what it was, I would gladly accept it and endure it. But it does tire me out some times.