The Collision Theory of Love

28 | Addressing Emotions

[Robert]

I lost her. I fucking did!

The car speeds away right in front of me and all I can do is call for Katherine. It hurts the same as the day Shelby left as if someone very dear to me is being snatched away.

I feel like my head will explode into a thousand pieces. This agony is unbearable. I text her over messages, emails hoping to hear from her something, anything.

"Hey! It's Katherine. Just drop the message I'll call you as soon as possible.." My calls go to voicemail and I throw my phone against the wall out of frustration.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

I think of the day we met when she bumped into me. She looked like a pretty hurricane. That was the first time in a year I smiled. She was in such a hurry that she collided into another guy after me and even forgot about her diary.

Shit!

Her diary! It must have something that will help me to reach her. I dig into my cupboard, my drawers and there it is...

I open the pages for finding a clue. Then a paper, tucked in between the pages, slips down in my lap. It's dated the day before we collided.

Tomorrow will be another day, just like each day of the past three years without Mom & Daniel. As ever I'll be plastering a fake smile on my face all day long, telling people around me " I'm doing great." No one will bother to ask me if I am!

I believe that beneath all skins, we all are somewhere or the other hiding a pain. A pain that wants to make it's way out. A pain we want to shout out to the world. But somehow we know it's not going to make any difference!

Now I am letting go of Daniel because I have been clinging on the memories so hard that they have pierced into my skin making me bleed.

I hope of meeting someday a person with whom I can share my agony without any hesitation and I hope he'll be broken too. So we can fix each other all our lives with love.

Years ago it sounded lame to imagine a life without Daniel. Pain changes people. So today I decided to put a full stop to all the sufferings, the subdued cry, and memories. I open my heart to new beginnings. I know I'm going to miss him now and then but I can't let my past be the guardian of my future anymore. I can't let my suffering and pain choke me.

I would have never let him go but sometimes being a perfect couple is not all it takes. The perfect timing matters.

The ink is smudged with dry tears. I can feel how much of life it took out of her to write such a thing. I take out Shelby's letter from my wallet.

....If life gets you someone who makes you feel insanely happy. Just hold on to them...

All this time, I thought that my pain was the greatest among all. Till her last breath, Shelby told me that I am loved. I never felt unwanted in her presence and was never left to wonder if I were ever truly loved.

Katherine has been through worse. All along I was engrossed only with my pain without even realizing that she lost every single person she could ever count on. She bared her soul to me and I denied as if it was nothing. As if she meant nothing.

I recall the time, I spent with her. How she doesn't let the pain destroy her softness. How much my heartfelt at home around her.

Then it strikes me!

Fuck!

All this time, I was falling in love with her!

"I love her!" I whisper to myself.

"I love Katherine!" This time my voice comes firm and louder.

I run out of the door with the diary. There's only one person that can help me.

Lara!