The Collision Theory of Love

27 | Reviving Memories

[Katherine]

"Daniel start the car!"

"But Katie...."

"Just go!"

The engine roars to life and Robert's voice fades away. I look at him in the rear mirror, calling for me and Lara standing puzzled beside him. I know she deserves an explanation but first, I need an escape.

Yesterday, I bared my soul to him and he refused to accept me. Why didn't even in the first place he asked me to stop? Why did he have to toy around with my feelings? Now, just the thought of him makes me feel naked. I want to crawl, hideaway somewhere, anywhere.

"Thank you, Daniel, for taking me to our hometown in such short notice." I force a smile on my face.

"What is it, Katie? Did he hurt you?"

"Daniel I really don't want to talk about him. It's just that I want to visit Mom." I want to run away in the arms of Mom as everything around me is crashing down. I want her consolation that everything will work out. I need her, her welcoming arms to hold the shattered pieces of mine.

"I needed some time alone with you too to clear things out. Lately, I have been acting so fucked up!" His words feel heavy, " I apologize for that night, jumping in between you two." His grip on the steering wheel tightens, making his knuckles appear white. "But I won't mind punching him again if he hurt you!"

"Thank you, Danny!" For rescuing me. I want to say this but I don't.

"It's been a while you called me that." He flashes his set of perfect white teeth at me, making me grin too.

'My heart will go on....' comes over the radio and I fall back on my seat. I close my eyes and let the music drain out the tiredness from my soul.

***

"Wake up Katie, we are here." Daniel nudges my arm.

Here I am, in front of the house where I grew up. I step out of the car with my eyes fixed at the house. Once upon a time, I used to call it my 'home'.

I can see the 8 years old myself being chased by Daniel on the ground under the scorching sun. Mom calling for us to eat her freshly baked cookies. Then, there's me running out of the door as I am being late for the school.

My heart sinks with every memory that revives in my mind. My legs are wobbly and I take a grip of Daniel's hand, leaning into him.

"I miss her too." He strokes my hair, planting a gentle kiss on my head. I feel safe and vulnerable at the same instant as I am trying to absorb the bitter cruelty of being a part of this life - death.

I can't call anyone 'Mom' now. There's going to be no one worrying about me to eat my lunch on time. No one dragging me out of bed, to make me taste the new dish she learned in her cooking classes. I close my eyes, taking a handful of my skirt in my fist because now these thoughts haunt me.

"It hurts." I cry, "It hurts so bad." This time I don't bother how pathetic I sound. This pain is of a loved one being snatched away and another one who left me on his own. It's pain of getting my expectations too high from a person I thought was worth letting in my heart.

Daniel touches my hand with him, "I know."

"You don't!" I jerk away from my hand. Hitting him on his chest with my palm repeatedly asking why he had to left me?

"Take it all out - the anger, the pain, the hurt. Everything that's inside you. Lift the burden off your chest, Katie."

"I fucking hate you, Daniel Williams. I truly do!" I shout at him. His absence made me look for love in a guy who toyed around with my feelings.

"I deserve to be." He takes both of my hand in mine and looks into my eyes, "Set your heart free, Katherine."