Lights like Stars [BoyxBoy]

Chapter 10

Garrett and I kept on the down low for a while. People saw us together but nobody ever really put two and two together. Sometimes he would be asked why he was hanging out with me so much and instead of just saying we were together he said "things change." We kept on our schedule for a while, shutting the world out in his apartment. One different thing was I started going to the counseling center that was free for students, at least for the first six sessions. I went for an initial assessment and they asked me all sorts of questions in a form, like if I was suicidal, had an eating disorder, was abusing drugs, etc. They didn't flat out ask about those things, but they alluded to it. My therapist, Cheryl, showed me a graph of where I landed in regards to different areas of my life. I scored a 100% on everything, the only time I wanted a 0%.

"In one of your answers, you said you feel 'very strongly' about discord in your family. Could you tell me more about that?" she asked.

"I just...don't really like my family. They're not that good," I said.

"How so? What do you mean by not good?"

"I don't like going home, like...my dad doesn't like me, he's not proud of me. My younger brother is his favorite, the athletic type. I'm the artsy, weak kind."

"Does he call you weak?"

The carpet was gray with lighter gray stripes. The only color was the red pillow sitting next to me and Cheryl's red hair. "Yeah. He's sexist, homophobic, just an all around bigot, and not because of religion or anything. He just thinks the most important thing is being a man, a strong man, but he is so fragile. Anything can make him tick. He's emotional but doesn't see it that way even though that's definitely what it is."

Cheryl nodded, and when I didn't say anything she asked me about my mom. "My mother believes my dad, or like agrees with him I guess. I don't know exactly but she's fine being told she's weak just for being a woman. She really loves my dad, and hates him I think. They're just hateful but still love each other. I don't really know. I don't like going home or talking to them and I think they're fine not talking to me or seeing me."

"How does that make you feel?"

I shrugged. "I've gotten used to it, but I don't get why parents have kids and decide they don't want to care about them. I mean I know people will say 'oh they care deep down' but they just don't. Not all parents will care about their kids. It's just fact and so I don't like it when people say I should give them another chance. I'm just done with them, at least after graduation. I really want to find a good job with benefits because then I won't have to rely on them. My dad hits me, okay? I shouldn't have to give him a second chance when he won't change."

"He hits you. Have you ever reported this to anyone?"

I shook my head. "No. Since coming to college it hasn't really been that much of an issue, and back in high school I thought I could change for him so I didn't bother telling anyone." I shook my head even more. "It doesn't matter. I don't want to talk to them. I don't need them. My boyfriend has been an exceptional person and he doesn't have a family. I want him to be a part of my family, like...we start our own."

"Do you plan to move together after graduation?"

"I don't know actually. We haven't really talked about it..."

Garrett was waiting to hear back from graduate schools and he was totally going to get into one, probably all the ones he applied for. He had his heart set on Berkeley, way out in California. He wanted to live in the Castro in San Francisco, they gay district, and all he had to do was cross the bridge to go over to Berkeley for class. What was I planning though? I was going to graduate with a degree in Mass Communication and a degree in Film and Video Studies with a Theater Concentration, along with a minor in dance and creative writing. That was a lot of stuff that I could go off of, and I worked hard to achieve those degrees. I spent two summers taking more classes just to graduate on time, and yet I wasn't looking for jobs or anything. It was only a week later when Garrett started to find out if he got into the graduate schools he applied for.