The Beginning Of My End.

Chapter 6 Part ( 2 )

||WARNING|| This chapter will contain many forms of abuse , including: verbal / physical abuse , and self harm . it is not intended for individuals who are underage or lack the maturity to understand such mature concepts. So if you are over-sensitive or have a problem with self-harm or the idea of suicide is not that appealing to you , you can skip that part of the story.

 

Lucianna's POV.
*VALENTINA'S MOM*

          I was so busy signing all those papers . it's so boring but when my phone rang I got a little hope that I can shut this annoying man up for just less than 5 minutes .
I opened my purse , and took my phone out to see who is calling ..it's val .. " I really need to take this " I said to the man , fuck ! finally..
" Sure, ma'am " he said . The same moment I approached the phone near by my ear, I heard her sobbing.." Sweetie are you okay? "
" Not really, I mean no I'm not.. " She stopped sobbing and I think she felt a little bit safe .. I don't know.. " Can you pick me up ? " She asked, after a long silence.
" Sure .. but aren't you supposed to be at school right now ? "
" M-mum, I left the school .. and it looks like it will rain any minute soon so please .. "
" Then give me few minutes and I will call you back okay ? "
"yeah sure.." She is very annoyed I can tell ..
" MUM, WHY DID YOU GET PREGNANT WITH ME ?? WHY YOU GAVE BIRTH TO ME ? "
" What kind of question is that ? Are you okay ? " I said calmly .. I don't want to make a scene ..
" No mum I'm not okay .. I'm done !! " She said , breathing hard .. I even can hear her heart beats through the phone .

"Hey .. Stay there , and don't move .. I'll come and take you home please ? " .. like it was the most stupid question I could ever ask .. " Stay wherever you are and give me few minutes only .. I will call you to pick you up " Can this day get any more worse?
" Yeah sure . " She hung up after saying those two simple words..

Val's P.O.V.
           
          " Yeah , sure " I said to my mum and hung up .. Didn't feel like I can say more .. I felt like it was rude not to say bye at the end of the call , but that was something I don't really care about right now ..
I won't wait till my mum finishes whatever the fuck she is doing .. I'm going home .. I need to be home now .. I walked as fast as I possibly could .. I stopped crying , but I still feel the burning ache in my chest .. my eyes are puffy and i'm dizzy .
15 minutes later and I was starting to recognize my house .. it was raining .. yes. in the middle of June and its raining .. YAY what a fucking amazing beautiful day .. I opened the front door , and went straightly to my room .. I threw myself on the bed .. feeling hopeless and stressed ..
How could he do this to me ?
isn't he a human being??
A human that has feelings ??
But no ! it seems like he is a robot .. FUCK HIM .. FUCK HIM MILLION TIMES .. no one has the right to do that .. I hate him . with every bit of me .. what if I didn't go and thank him ? for fuck's sake do I have to be so polite and thank people ? I could be at school now enjoying a good day .. reading or doing whatever .. My head is burning me , I can't take this anymore , too much thinking .. too much thoughts swimming in my mind .
It always starts when I hear my heart beats .. feel the beat right there in my chest .. a dead one but it hurts .. it's always a beat that makes me feel like my heart is screaming its blood out of its veins ... it's the same beat where you feel like it gives you a lot of strength to fight back and be better .

||SUICIDE SCENE||

I moved from my bed , and walked towards a small old closet in my room , I opened it and got an old razor that my dad used to use it for shaving , He used to put his things in my old closet .. sometimes he slept the night here ..
I headed my heels to the bathroom and locked the door behind me .. I took off my shirt and started to draw long sharped lines on my wrists , my arms and my hips . I saw blood coming out from every line .. It's harder than ever .
Every drop fell was battling the other to be the one who swims first in the sea of my blood .. Seeing me hurting myself .. is the worst feeling in the whole world .. Can you imagine yourself hurting your body on purpose ? With your own hands ? it's the first time that I feel like I want to die ..
Have you ever felt that you are completely done that you even can't take it anymore and you only want to die ? the moment when you don't care about anyone .. even the people who love you the most 'cause you only feel the hate that comes from the other ones who hate you the most ? The moment when you feel nothing , that you are not worth to live .. The moment when you are no different from a dead person .. Just your eyes are seeing the most disgusting truth .. then what's the point to be alive if you are like a dead person but just with red big eyes seeing all of this happen?
why can't I kill myself ? none will even notice . yes .. none .. I can hear my heart screaming for help .. i'm screaming but nobody can hear me . I can't hear myself . Why doesn't anyone listening to me ?? why can't I hear my voice ?? " LISTEN TO ME " I screamed , with every bit of strength I have
.. finally I heard myself .. this is the moment when I didn't realized that all that previous screaming was inside of me , till I screamed out loud . I looked at my scarred body .. I like to see blood .. When I see myself bleeding .. sometimes I feel panicked. But just a few seconds later I feel overwhelmed .

I stared at those fresh cuts for a while .. Then I decided that I should take a quick shower , and go out for a walk .. I turned the cold water on and took the rest of my clothes off .. I don't wanna feel anything but the cold water running on my body .. when I stepped into the shower .. I didn't expect this would ever happen .. I felt so dizzy .. and I couldn't hold my ground .. what tha .. I saw nothing .. it's all dark .. and I hear silence .. where am I ? I opened my eyes to see my mum talking with someone .. and a large room painted white .. it's all white ..
" It's a suicide Miss .. the police will be here any minute ." that person said ...
"It's not .. she was in shower and maybe someone did this to her .. my daughter can't do this to herself " She said angrily, and unaware of whats happening till now I can see ..
" Mum ? " I said , hoping that this is not a shitty dream .. " You can talk to the officers who will get here soon "
" she is up .. Val are you okay ? "she said , her eyes full of concern
" What's happening mom ? " I asked her softly
" Nothing sweetie .. I will tell you later .. are you feeling okay ? " I understood why my mum didn't tell me now .. it should be something embarrassing , or something very bad happened to me
" I have avery stong headache and my wrists are hurting me "
 " Don't worry , We gave you something to reduce the pain " I heard a thick voice saying those words .. He must be the doctor .. and this must be a hospital's room .. What the heck happened?

" The cops are here .. can you come for a second ? " That man said with his sick voice to my mom .." Sure. Val , I'll be back soon okay ? "
What cops ? I will get crazy if I don't know what is happening here " Sure " I said simply but the uncertainty in my voice is failing me and exposing my nervousness . When my mum walked out of the room .. I stood up and walked to discover this place which is absolutely a hospital .. there was a big , long curtain separating the room as it seems .. I looked behind it .. to see another big white bed .. I am clearly not alone ..
all that I could see was a blonde long hair stretched on a big white pillow .. but when I walked towards the bed I saw a beautiful face .. wait a minute .. a familiar face .. oh my god .. is she that girl who I met at the restaurant week ago ? I don't remember her name .. Umm OOH YES Zoella ..
" Fuck " !! I said it out loud .. She is sleeping .. or maybe passed out ? I don't know .
I took a few more steps and saw a lot of books on a small shelf .. in a messy order .. my curiosity got the best of me and I went closer to look at those books .. I didn't know she is a reader .. that's so cool . I found pride and prejudice .. it's a good book . a classic ..and the fault in our stars , woah , She has a good taste .. I found another interesting one .. it was pink and has no title .. I opened the book and looked at the first page and read ..

DEAR DAIRY, ....