Craving the impossible. | Kim Namjoon FF|

Chapter 36- I am Sorry.

*Namjoon's POV*
Jungkook spinned the bottle and it landed on me
"I will ask him." Jin said and we all nodded and waited for the question. Tbh i was kind of afraid from what he is going to say but i thought about why not dare.
"So.. Namjoon truth or dare?" Jin said.
I thought about it for a second making sure of my decision
"Dare.." i said and smiled.
"Tell Y/N something you've been hiding from her the past year we've been friends in." Jin smirked.
I gulped hardly and started to be nervous.
Damn! No i was not ready for that!!! Thats bad.
"Hey.. are you okay?" She asked me worried.
"You know you can just ignore that.." she said to make it less nerve wracking for me but it just made me more nervous.
"Noooo thats a dare!!!!" Jungkook said and all the members nodded.
"Say it! Say it! Say it! Say it!" All the members kept chanting together making Y/N and Sam look at each other in confusion.
"Y/N...." i looked at Y/N nervously and held her hand.
"Whats wrong Namjoon?" She was so confused.
"Y/N..." i took a deep breath then looked at her deeply in the eyes.
"I Love You." I told her and squeezed her hands tight and closed my eyes.
"FINALLY YOU SAID IT!" Jungkook and V cheered and all the members laughed.
I opened my eyes and saw her eyes started to become teary and Sam holding her shoulder to make sure she is okay i guess.
"Namjoon...." she said and looked at me.
"You can just pretend I didn't say anything." I said quickly and left her hand.
"Noona? Are you okay?" Jungkook said and she nodded slowly.
Sam then whispered something to her I didn't hear. She looked at me and was about to say something but her phone rang. She started to be tense and nervous.
"I have to answer that." She said and went away.
I sighed deeply and started to silently cry.
"Namjoon come i need to talk to you." Sam said to me and we stood up and walked away from the boys.
"Do you really love her?" She asked me without looking.
"More than anything i guess." I said with shaky voice smiling sadly.
"Look.. tbh I don't know if she will accept or not .. even though i am her friend i cannot really know whats going on through her mind and her life. She doesn't trust anyone and I don't think she will. She trusts me because she never saw me telling her secrets or thinking differently of her. Yet she still doesn't trust me fully i know." She said and stopped walking and looked at me.
"I know my words might be harsh but forgive me because i cannot really talk to people and choose my words wisely like Y/N does.. but i do want to say to you that i highly expect her saying no to your confession and i know this will hurt you as hell. But give her time.. everything she does.. she does it for a reason and she doesn't say. Be patient with her if you truly loves her Namjoon. This might be too much to ask and if you want to give her up it's totally your choice. If you really want her be patient she had a real tough life.. her life is not easy as you think Namjoon." She said and smiled at me softly. At this point the tears were coming out nonstop but I nodded.
"I will wait Sam.. no matter how long but i will always wait for her.. I really love her so much." I said and buried my face in my hands and started to cry.
"I am sorry you had to go through this Namjoon. I am really sorry." Sam said and hugged me for the first time ever. But i was thankful.
After 5 minutes Y/N came to us.
"Namjoon." She said my name and i looked at her.
"I need to answer you...." she said looking down so i knew the answer already.
"You don't beed to say anything.. i know your answer." I said and smiled to her.
I can tell she was crying so hard before coming to us because her eyes were so red. But they were different.. they were screaming for help but I didn't understand.
"I am sorry Namjoon." She said and walked away.
Sam looked so shocked I don't know why. But she excused herself and went after her.
I went back to the boys and told them she said no. And all of us went back home.

*Y/N POV*
"I am sorry Namjoon." I said and walked away. Thats the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. That was the moment i dreamt of having with him. I always dreamt about being loved by him. The only one i loved truly. And now i reject him. Fuck it!
Then i felt footsteps behind me.. of course its Sam. And i was right she stopped me in my tracks and started whisper shouting madly at me.
"Y/N what do you think you are doing rejecting the only thing you've ever dreamt of?!!" I looked at her in the eyes with my teary ones.
"Its not your business Sam." I told her as harshly as i can.
She looked shocked and taken aback from what i said. I am sorry Sam i am really sorry.
"Okay whatever lets go home." She said calmly but i can tell she is still mad and shocked. I nodded and we went home and i went straight to my room.

*skip to next month* <because I'm lazy af>
Its been a month and i have been shutting them all out.. the boys, Namjoon and Sam and i have been feeling extremely upset about it. I really hope they will forgive me specially Sam and Namjoon. I've been completely ignoring them both.
I am really sorry Sam. I am really sorry Namjoon. But i have to do this. I really have to.
I kept crying everyday because of them. Like the only people who loved me dearly i shut them out like that. Its bad.
How much i want to be dead right now.
Ughhhhh life is really not fair.