Mommy? (2)

Chapter 14

⚠️Trigger warning: mention of self harm⚠️

Shania's P.O.V.

I winced as the door slammed behind Hiroki.

I had just told him what had happened with Leonora and he took it very bad, as the slamming proved. He had grown very close to her in the last couple of years, and this reflected itself in how emotional he got whenever something involved her. And if she was hurt.... there was no saying how bad this might affect him. Especially with his antecedents. I grounded and buried my head in my knees, trying to ignore the thoughts coming to me. Leonora disappearing with Helena didn't just mean that she would get hurt, it also meant that people around her, like Emilie, Hiroki and I, would get hurt as well. What did her sister tell her to make her go? Did she threaten her? She wouldn't have gone without reason after all.... I shook my head to get rid of those thoughts and went to Hiroki's room.

I found him curled up on his bed, sobbing and shaking. Like I had found Emilie in Leonora's bed. No. I wouldn't think of her now. I was going to take care of my boyfriend and forget about my friend while I did. He needed me right now, and Emilie had her family. We would get through this, maybe not together all the time, but we would. We had no choice.

Looking around, I froze when I saw the razor next to the bed, blood on the blades. No. It wasn't possible. My heart shattered at the realization. This wasn't possible. He hadn't relapsed, it wasn't possible. I didn't want it to be possible, I didn't want to see the blood and the blades. I was afraid of what I'd see on his perfect body.

I held the sobbing young man in my arms and rocked him gently, whispering sweet nothings into his ears, reminding him that I was there for him and that I loved him. I held him like this for a long while, not knowing whether he was really conscious of my presence, or whether he was just there and I was there, but there was no two-way link between us. After a while, however, he turned around and, sitting on my lap, buried his face in the crook of my neck. I held him tight against me and rubbed his back soothingly. We stayed like this for some time, simply being in each other's presence, united by our common pain and love for our friend. I had always wanted to feel this type of emotional connection with him, it was so strong and powerful, but I had never thought that the circumstances would be so bad. Be careful what you wish for. Indeed you should be careful. Nightmares are also dreams after all. And like dreams they can come true. People often tend to forget that. I often tend to forget that, despite seeing my friends' nightmares come true. But now I had my own nightmares that were coming true. My boyfriend and love was in utter pain and I was completely powerless to take away the source of his pain. My friend was also in pain and I had no way of helping her either. My best friend was gone, and who knew whether I'd see her alive again. Who knew how badly she could get hurt.

Tears streaming down my face, I held Hiroki tight against my body, trying to give him as much comfort as I could possibly offer, seeing the circumstances. I held him tight, trying to take all of his pain away from him and unto myself.  I'd take any amount of pain necessary if it meant that he'd be happy and carefree. I was ready to sacrifice myself for him, and I wanted to show it to him through this hug, even if I had already told him countless. But telling wasn't always enough. Sometimes you had to show it to the person, sometimes you had to act on your words. Sometimes you had to give up a part of yourself in order to show that you meant what you'd said. And this was what I was going to do now. I was going to act on my words, and I was going to give everything in order to comfort him the most. No matter what it cost me.

I was going to suck up my pain and try and get over it as much as possible in order to help Hiroki with his.

I was going to take his pain and leave him with as little pain as possible because I wanted him to feel the best possible. Because I'd give anything for his smile, for his eyes to be alive and full of happiness. They might not have been that way many times, but that didn't mean that I wasn't going to try. That I wasn't going to try until the end.

"Hiroki, my love," I whispered into his ear, "I love you so much and I promise that I will do my best to help you through this time. I will always be here for you, and I will always be there when you need me. No matter what it is. I may not have the answers to everything, but I am willing to give everything in order to make you feel better. I promise you, we will get out of these dark times and we'll be all the stronger because we will have thought together against our pain. Hiroki, I promise you, I will protect you from anymore pain."

"Will she ever come back?"

🍼🍼

Hi there lovelies!

I hope you enjoyed these last chapters! What did you think of them? This one's so long, I'm amazed at how much I wrote lol.

What do you think will happen afterwards? I already know how it's gonna end, but I'd like to know your thoughts🤗

I'd like to say some things in this note. Regarding my book.

Ok so (a) reader(s) said that i had to put a chapter about the trial of Helena and her mother. That they wanted to write their own story/stories where the characters were brought to justice. They threatened to report my book/account.

I understand that you get attached to the characters, I do too, but that gives you no right to threaten me. I will take my story where I want to. If I want there to be a trial, there will be one. I don't want one to be there, there won't be any. If I want to write about it I will. If I don't want to, I won't. And I don't want anyone writing a story based on mine, especially not without my authorization. And i would appreciate not being threatened to have my account or books reported. Because it does actually hurt. And you wouldn't be doing yourself any favor as I could block you or report you for that. So yeah.

I put so much effort into these books. So much more than what you'd think. It is hard for me to write, as I associate writing with certain memories and they hurt a lot. It is also hard for me to write with all the problems I have in my life (mental, family and other) and I do my best for you guys. I don't expect you to like what I write all the time, but I do think you should respect the effort I (or any other author) does to update, to give you all something. I know that my books aren't that important in your lives that they'd make any difference if they weren't there but they do make a big difference for me. Wattpad is kind of my safe space and I can hide behind my books. So please don't ruin that for me. Please.

Im sorry for this super long note, but it had to be said.

Have a good day/night/evening!💖