Sadness Inside

Epilogue

EPILOGUE

For the past week, I've been constantly visiting Fred when the nurses tell me he's stable enough for a visit. And every single time I leave the room, he'd make me promise that I would come back. It was as if he was not going to see me again. I know why he felt that way because I felt that way too. 

Although, the good news was Fred's looking more stable every day I come to visit. He look more healthier and fresher to talk than the previous visit. He smiled more and he had that cheerful self of his back again yesterday when I visited him. The doctors released me from the hospital two days ago because I seem fine. 

Fred was able to be released today. I was excited, because I finally got to hold him again in my arms. To feel the love he would give me again. But then reality striked, he didn't remember how he did it and I wasn't sure if I could get used to the way he would treat me now. I miss him. I miss our moments. I miss him.

He was still wearing the ring, our promise rings. I wonder if he could remember that. Maybe at the back of his mind? Nah, what am I saying. Only a miracle could bring that back.  

One of the nurses came to me and told me they will release Fred now. I went in the room to help him carry his bags. Fred was smilling widely when he saw me. I smiled at him back. It was a mutual feeling. We were going to bring him back to his home. I saw his parents and they helped him into the car. I sat beside him at the back with a silent journey.

I held Fred's hands tightly while leaning on his shoulders and he leaned on my head. Something felt different. I didn't feel the same, that was definite.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, as Fred's gaze was out the window.

"Better and brighter. Do you notice the new board? oh my Gosh..."

The board had been there for quite awhile...This was hard. And I knew it. Fred wasn't getting his memory back. Because I love him, I will be here.

Love is a weird and strong feeling isn't it? It makes you do crazy things and sometimes face the most unbearable moments but still have the strength to stay. It would feel nice to have someone bare your flaws and still stay, and still love you the same way.

The whole ride was a silence but Fred held my hand tight. When we reached his house, we took down the bags and went to his room. For the first time in months, I was actually in his room. It was still the same, except now there was a frame with both of us in Disneyland. Someone took a photo of us kissing and must have given the photograph to Fred. It was on his dresser. The room became unfamiliar to Fred. Because of the photos. He even pasted the photobooth pictures on his wall beside his bed.

"I don't remember what happened, flower. But I know what I feel is real and I hope you know that hadn't change," he spoke softly while touching my cheeks.

I knew he felt bad even though it was not his fault. Deep inside me, I felt bad for missing an old him. It was not going to return and I knew he was who he is now. I felt bad for feeling different and I hugged him. I needed to think of something before he loses himself. I needed to think of a way he would stop this guilt.

I looked up to his beautifully shapped face and smiled.

"Well, you know what?" and I grinned cheekily.

"What is it, sweet heart? Did I use to call you that?" he panicked.

I sighed, "Okay. I want you to do something."

He began to frown and I cupped his chin.

"Number one would be to keep smiling 'cause that is what you do, with or without memory."

He chuckled.

"Number two, is you have to stop worrying about what you had done. Because guess what? We're going to have a story time tonight as I tell you everything since where you last remembered. How about that?" I pecked a kiss.

He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. Enjoying the moment.

"You always have the greatest ideas."

I giggled.

We sat on his bed and started to make out for awhile. I had missed that. Just forgetting about reality and getting into our little fairytale for awhile.

When we stopped, all he did was stare at me. The exact same stare he gave. The stare. He gave me a sweet smile and I did the same.

Somehow even in this mess, I feel good. Just being by his side, being in his arms...

I feel...happy.

I feel happy when I see him happy.

He was my happiness all along.