Sadness Inside

Chapter 6

A/N: This Chapter is dedicated to my brother, Dan. This is because you know when to come in when I needed you and you try and comfort me during my most vulnerable moments. You know my secrets and when I'm hurt, you gave me some sort of weird support to tell me you're on my side. You are part of my ride, forever and always. I love you, bro.

xxx

CHAPTER SIX

"Freddie is charming, isn't he?" Dad said when I shut the door. I didn't realise I was smiling to myself when he asked.

Dad chuckled and shook his head.

"I know a girl in love when I see one," I turned to look at him and he was smiling so wide. I hadn't seen that smile for twelve years.

I blushed at his comment and walked up the flight of stairs.

"Well, aren't you going to tell me about your day?" and this was even more odd. Dad never do talks.

"Dad..." I tried to avoid but he interrupts;

"Oh don't dad me. C'mere," and he was never so cheerful, especially not after Mum died.

I really wanted his company. I've missed him for so long and now when he wanted to talk to me, I shouldn't refuse, right? But I couldn't have him hurt. I couldn't make him sad, or upset.

But I missed him so bad. I did it anyway.

I sat beside him on the couch and I crossed my arms. He put his arm around my shoulders and stayed that way.

"So, looks like you got your hair and nails done," he winked.

"Yeah," I laughed weakly, "I'm not sure why Fred brought me to be pretty when I'm going to be all sweaty tomorrow," I looked at him. This time, in the eyes.

He smiled at me, nicely, "So you are going."

I paused at the realisation of what I just said. I looked away from Dad. He must had realise the tension and took his hand away too.

Did I want to go? Was I lying to myself if I said I don't? I loved being with Fred but I couldn't. He was too good to be hurt. Everyday, I am so self conscious in what I was going to say to him, or do in front of him. I couldn't take the fact that he was hurt or miserable because of me.

"Uh, yeah, Dad, I'm going up now, alright?" I stood up.

He nodded, apologetically and climbed up the flight of stairs with me to his office.

I went in my room and I couldn't stop myself from crying. I just hurt my Dad by avoiding him. I just hurt him and I couldn't take it back. I put my knees to my chest and rock back on forth on my bed, crying like how I cried when my mother died, when my brother left us, when my friends hated me. I was sobbing so hard I knew my eyes would be swollen by morning.

This was what I was trying to avoid. And look what happened when I took the chance. I couldn't face going through this all over again. Since Mum died, it was as if half of Dad died along too. And I suppose, the other half was me.

I didn't know who to talk to, who to call when I was down. I didn't want to. If I did, I would be blabbering my problem to them, making their life miserable too when it shouldn't be.

I was reluctant to call Fred, but I knew I needed to. I hesitated on clicking call but I did. It took just a few rings before Fred picked up.

"Myra?" Fred's voice was in shock. I just continued sobbing because I couldn't find my words.

"Flower?" Fred's voice was soft, and soothing. I took short breaths and stutter something even I couldn't understand.

"Myra, I'm coming over okay?"

I shook my head so fast, I was crying so hard I couldn't get the air in. I nearly suffocated if I didn't end up coughing. I realised I was on the phone and he couldn't see what I was doing.

"See you," and he hung up.

I wanted to text him not to come over but it was no use. My eyes were filled up with excess tears and I couldn't see very well. My hands felt too paralyzed to even wipe them away. Fred lived four blocks away from my house so it didn't take that long for him to reach. Dad gave him our house keys so he could come visit anytime.

I heard the keys clacking and I knew he was already here. My room door was opened slowly and Fred peeked in. When I looked at him, he got in, shut the door, and rushed to my side.

He placed my face on his chest and I continued crying. I didn't understand how my tear glands could produce more tears than I could ever imagine. I wanted to stop, but I so many things to let out and I knew if I wasn't going to tell anyone, crying was the only choice I had.

He hushed me and stroked my hair backwards until I calmed down. There was a wet patch on his shirt but he didn't seem to mind it.

"Breathe in... breathe out, Flower," he said softly.

I breathed in and out a little bit too fast until he hushed me and said, "Slowly," and tried my best to slow down.

Once I finally stopped, he looked up to him from his chin level. He had gorgeous eye lids. I could see it from here. He looked down and stared back at him.

Did I just cried in front of him? Oh God, that was disgusting.

He was looking right into my eyes, the same look he gave in the saloon. I really didn't understand what it meant. I'd never seen that look. He stared at my lips and then he smiled. He kept a straight face, looking over at my guitar and broke the silence, "Do you want to sleep?"

I smiled weakly back at him, "No," I lied. I started scratching my neck, even though it wasn't even itchy. I can't explain why I did.  I was tired. But Fred here made me want to be awake either every second that he was around.

"I know when you lie, you know," he winked at me and I got up to use the toilet to brush my teeth. Fred waited outside. I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and puffy. I looked at myself with disgust.

You're stupid for crying so much.

I gave one more glance at myself and stepped out of the toilet. Fred was still there on my bed waiting for me. He was nearly sleeping.

"Fred?" I said and he jerked awake.

"Myra," he said, yawning.

I sat beside him in bed and just looked at him.

"Do you want to sleep?" I'm not sure if he noticed that it was his second time asking that. He had a big match tomorrow and I was keeping his awake.

"I will, if you do."

He chuckled, "You want me to sleep with you?"

I blushed. Did I?

"Well, you can if you want to. You take this side of the bed, and I take this," I pulled out my tongue.

"You're lucky I brought my football stuffs."

"I never said I wanted you to."

"I can leave," he winked, evilly.

My heart sank.

"But I won't."

I covered myself over my blanket. And he does too.

"Good night, Myra," he whispered.

I smiled to myself but my exhaustion took over me. I couldn't find my words to tell him back as I drifted off to sleep.

xxx

A/N: I'm really sorry for all the delays I've been busy :(

Dins x