Sadness Inside

Chapter 8

A/N: This Chapter is dedicated to my parents. Mum for never leaving my side no matter the situations. You're the greatest support system to my passion. Everyone tells me we look alike, probably because a lot of my features are from you. Thank you, even though you know all of my imperfections and flaws, you are still a great mother to me who forgives and always lead me the ways to the right path in life and Jannah. 

This is also for my dad, because even though we don't have much talks, and we're not so close now, thank you, even though you're busy with work, and stressed out, you still use whatever energy you have for the day to teach me something new to become a better person, sister and friend. Thank you for loving me in every situation even though I still don't quite see your way of showing it. 

This is dedicated to the both of you. I love you both dearly

xxx

CHAPTER EIGHT

After lunch, Fred sent me back home and said he'd see me again tomorrow. A big part of me was grateful that I wouldn't have to spend another half day with him and risk hurting him again. Although he was back with his cheerful self after I stopped crying, I knew he was hurt. You could just hear it in his voice. It wasn't the same. 

Now I was going to face Dad for dinner. And he might ask me questions despite his change of his certain no-talk-character into someone who was curious of how my day went. Which was a little bit weird, but then a little bit great too that I could finally talk to Dad -- Which was not so good. 

When I talk, I tend to say some things that may hurt people and that was what I was trying to avoid, if you haven't noticed yet. 

I got in my room and I just sat on my bed, thinking what just happened. I just hurt my best friend. The person that I avoid most to avoid me from hurting him, was hurt. I shouted with full force to my pillow and tears started falling again. In my head, I kept thinking if anyone knew how I was acting right now, they'd think I was insane and I was too emotional. No one likes an emotional girl, right?

No one likes a person too sad inside...right?

My pillow started to get wet but I didn't care. I kept rocking back and forth with the pillow in my face and my knees to my chest. At times, I do think of ending all this. It's so easy isn't it? Taking away your life. And ending it, you don't even have to face it anymore. 

But it was never the solution. 

Even if I had no motive in life, I had to find something. I may not find it yet, but I will. 

No matter how hard we face this life, I guess we just have to breathe in the air with pride and accept it. It's a challenge and whatever happens, was for a reason. 

Since when was I so optimistic?

I finally stopped sobbing and sighed out loudly. I sat down and grabbed my guitar in front of me that was leaning against my table. The pink polished colour on it was still unscratched. Probably because I took really good care of it. It was a gift, I would treasure forever. 

I started singing Tori Kelly's Stained. It was hard, the way her vocal runs were flawless and her vocals were so high but it was a song that related to me so far. 

I'm really good at mistakes,

All the marks I left on the page,

They seem to never disappear.

Why do you still come around,

When all I do is push, push, push you away.

My voice started cracking because I started crying again. I reached the chorus and that was when I didn't care how I sounded like. I was terrible.