LOST BOY | PHAN

twelve

dan sat on his bed, tugging at his caramel locks of hair. he felt like it would fall out any second, and his skin prickled and burned.

why had he done that? why had he let that happen?

he was thirteen. he knew people who had had sex at that age, but... but still. he wasn't one of those people. at least, he hadn't thought he was.

he felt like he had been hypnotized, scared into phil's arms by his parents and then caught in his web. trapped. and phil could kill him whenever he pleased.

dan shivered, wrapping his arms around himself and squeezing until it hurt.

he had felt safe in phil's arms. felt like he could kiss him like that and let phil have him, like in that moment, nothing could go wrong. but now the moment was over, and dan's skin felt like it really had melted off where phil had touched him, leaving open wounds in his wake.

he had fallen asleep with him and woken up alone. phil had left the blanket on him. dan dragged it back to his window and slipped back inside, trembling from the cold.

and now he was all alone again.

his parents had stopped shouting some time in the night, and now the house was silent, haunted with the echoes they'd worked into the wood the night before. this house had seen some shit.

finally dan forced himself to get up and get dressed, weaving a dead flower into his hair with a ribbon, for comfort's sake.

he took the bus to school, hiding in the back as always. no one really noticed him or taunted that day, maybe the universe had decided to give him a break.

not so.

as soon as he stepped off the bus, his white sneakers hitting the pavement, he saw phil.

phil was standing with a girl, his back to dan, but he was turned enough that dan could see her. she had blond hair, curled into ringlet shapes, falling over her shoulders. she wore trendy looking clothes; dan didn't recognize the brand. she was laughing- dan couldn't hear it, but he saw her shoulders bob and her head fall back, her mouth open. it looked like a slow motion laugh, something you'd see on tv from some attractive tv actress.

he felt stupid for letting his cheeks grow hot. phil was allowed to have friends, it wasn't like it mattered. but then he realized phil had reached out and grabbed her hands, pulling her closer. her cheeks were a pretty shade of pink when she blushed, not red and patchy like dan's.

phil leaned over and kissed her cheek, tucking some hair behind her ear, and dan broke down.

he needed to be home. or he needed to get to the bathroom and throw up, or maybe just cry. he would probably just cry, he hadn't eaten anything to throw up, he had been too scared to be downstairs for too long.

he whirled around and ran for the front door, shoving it open and pushing past other students, ignoring the weird looks he got. heartbroken already at thirteen. was that a record?

he was nearly to the bathroom when he ran straight into someone, colliding with a firm body. jackson grabbed his shoulders, his face painted with surprise. "dan...?"

dan squirmed, trying to pull away from him, but the boy's grip was firm. "l-let me g-go."

"no, wait..." jackson searched his face. dan wouldn't look at him. "are you okay? what's going on?"

finally dan couldn't hold everything in anymore and he broke down, falling to his knees and hiding his face in his arms, shaking with sobs. this had to be... what, the twentieth time he'd cried this hard this week? he heard a sharp breath from the other boy, and could feel him kneeling in front of him. the soft pads of thumbs pressed against his cheeks as jackson brushed away his tears, his fingers pushing carefully under dan's hands. dan felt a surge of gratefulness that he hadn't made fun of him, and wasn't scared to do this in front of every demon of their school.

"what happened?" he asked again after a moment. his voice was calming, and dan let it seep into his skin and cool him down.

dan shook his head, rubbing at his eyes.

"it's s-stupid."

"it's not. tell me."

dan glanced at him through puffy eyes, wondering whether he would leave if dan started sucking his thumb.

dan told him everything, leaning forward so he could speak in a soft voice, keeping himself from being overheard. he told him about the kiss, and what had happened the night before (leaving out the part about his dysfunctional family), and what he had seen that morning. jackson listened to it all with wide eyes. not-phil eyes.

"oh," he said when dan was finished, and had run out of tears. "god, what an ass."

"h-he isn't," dan said defensively, rubbing at his eyes with his sleeve.

"he is, though. he's so mean to you."

dan pouted, avoiding his eyes, annoyed with him. why didn't he understand? why couldn't he see it like dan did? phil wasn't mean, or an ass, he was a very good person. he was just doing lots of things that made dan sad right then. it wasn't his fault, it was dan's fault for being such a cry baby.

jackson sighed, tugging gently at the ribbon in dan's hair. "okay, i'm sorry. i'm sorry for calling him an ass."

"it's o-okay."

jackson went silent and dan frowned, looking up, and then following his icy gaze down the hall. phil was coming down the hallway next to the girl, standing too close to her, looking at her in a way that made dan's gut jolt.

he gasped softly when he felt arms snaking around his waist and pulling him close, and hugged jackson back after a second, hiding his face.

if he kept his eyes closed, he felt like phil.