Mingkit ~ A sudden rainy night

Chapter 9. I'm your idiot

M: Will you be my Valentine?

At that exact moment, I grasped the situation. I'm under the rain, kissing with Ming. What the heck am I doing?

K: ehm...I have to go.

I turn around and start walking towards the door when he grabbed my wrist. I look at him and his eyes were pleading me.

M: Please don't leave me like this. At least tell me something. Punch me in the face too, but don't leave without doing anything. I need to know from you what do you think.

K: Ming, you already know. You saw it yourself that I'm Beauty's boyfriend.

M: Your actions tell otherwise. Do you really love her?

K: I am happy.

M: I'm not asking this. I'm asking you if you love her or not.

K: Why should I tell you?

M: Because you never told you love her. You never told me you don't like me, so I'm here hanging on a thin rope hoping that you will pull me back towards you.

I stare at him not knowing what to do. He takes a deep breath and starts talking again as the rain keeps falling on us.

M: I know what you're thinking. Yes, we're two men, but what's wrong with it? Are you afraid of people's judgment? Leave them be. People will always criticize us for everything we do, including breathing. So what's the point to care about what others say?

K: There's nothing wrong with it. But why me?

M: There's not a correct answer to that question. It's just you. I love you like I've never loved anyone else in my life. I just keep thinking about you, I see you in other people's face and everything in this damn world reminds me of you. I love the way you look at me when we're not fighting. I love the sound of your laugh and your smile when you're with your friends thinking that nobody is looking at you. I love your deep dimples and how they make your smile more precious. I love when you're worried but you want to keep it cool. I really love you and all your little things. I...I...

He is stuttering and slightly swinging. I take a step towards him, clearly worried. In a second, his gaze goes blank and he faints. I grab him before his head hits the ground. I call his name a couple of times but he doesn't answer. I hurriedly pick him up and piggyback him to my room laying him down on my bed. I look at him not knowing what to do. "Maybe he's ill. Let me check his temperature." I take the thermometer and when I check it after 5 minutes I can't help but almost scream.

K: Oh my God! He's burning with fever.

M: Mmh..P' don't scream.

K: You're awake.

M: Yeah...what happened?

K: You fainted and you're ill!

M: I'm okay. I can go back to my dorm.

K: No. You won't go anywhere.

M: I don't want to burden you.

K: What if you faint again while you're going back?

M: Are you worried about me, na?

K: It's not the moment.

M: Na, na, na?

K: Fuck. Yeah, I'm worried, are you happy now?

M: Oh, my P' is worried.

K: Only an idiot wouldn't be worried. Now, I'll get you some dry clothes to put on.

I get to the clothes and take the first things I see. I take some towels, a hairdryer and give all to him.

M: Can't you do it for me?

K: Go fuck yourself. You can do it alone. I'm going to the bathroom and change too.

After I got my pyjamas on, I got in my room and walked in a half-naked Ming.

M: You like what you see?

K: Can you please not?

M: I'll take that as a yes.

K: It looks like you're healthy so you can go back home.

M: Oh my head. I think I'm going to faint again.

He says while he falls dramatically on my bed.

K: Shut up and dry your hair so you can go to bed. You need to take your medicine and rest or your fever will never go away.

M: If that means that I can stay here longer, I'm okay with my fever.

I roll my eyes and got to turn on the hairdryer. He sits on the bed and I give him the hairdryer. Our hands brush and he looks at me while I quickly look away. I can hear him giggling. What an annoying kid.

As soon as he finished drying his hair, I bring him a cup of water and some pills to lower his temperature. He takes them and then goes under the blankets of my bed.

M: Are you sure you don't want to sleep next to me?

K: Sure. Why would I?

M: To take care of me and cuddle.

K: You're an idiot.

M: I'm your idiot.

K: Ew, don't say that ever again. Now go to sleep or I'll send you home.

M: Okay, P'. Goodnight and dream of me.

K: If it's like that I won't sleep.

M: You will!

I turn off the light and go to sleep on an armchair next to the wardrobe. I will be uncomfortable but I really couldn't send him home knowing he could probably faint again or wouldn't properly take care of himself. He's so irresponsible, how can he possibly live alone? It's a mystery.

After a couple of hours, I hear some noises and I wake up. I see Ming moving on the bed. I turn on the light and see that he's sweating a lot. I put my hand on his forehead and he's hot. His fever must be very high again, but I don't want to wake him up again so I decide to take a bucket of water and a towel to lower the temperature of his body. While doing so I start thinking again about what happened earlier and how I feel about that.

I remember that I started dating Beauty because of him because people thought I liked him and that we could be a couple it wasn't because I loved her. I feel bad for lying to her and keep doing so, but I will hurt her more if I say her the truth, also I wouldn't have the courage to break up with her. At the same time, I don't want to trap her in this lie when I know she can have someone better than me, someone, who can really cherish her and stay always by her side. I can't do that. I've just kissed Ming and I really don't know how to feel about this. I'm confused. I don't know what to think. Those words, the rain, that kiss made me feel like I've never felt before. For once in my life, I felt special and actually understood. We haven't talked that much and we've known each other for about a year and he already knows how I am like. He knows that behind my being stubborn there's someone who wants to give love but has actually no one to give that love to. But he's right. I'm afraid. Afraid that this is the wrong decision, that I shouldn't even think about all of this, that I will fall too deep, that maybe he's just playing with me and in the end, I will be the one with the broken heart. I don't want that. I've already suffered too much and I don't want it to happen ever again. However, I can't deny that he's making his way to my heart...

As I was thinking about that and looking at him sleep, I slowly fall asleep sit on the floor with my head on the bed still not knowing what to do and hoping things won't get worse. The rain was still pouring down, that rain that witnessed the blooming of a new love.