The heart monitor beeped irregularly. Luke was attached to so many machines that all together they must have weighed more than his fragile, failing, body. He had woken up a little bit when they put him in the hospital bed, so he could hear what I was saying, but he couldn't form full coherent sentences back. I knelt by his bed while Calum comforted ashton who would not stop rubbing his scars and silently sobbing in the corner. Luke lifted his hand and I took it, feeling how cold he was.
"Lukey, you're going to be okay. Okay?" I whispered, if I tried to talk any louder my voice would have broken completely. Luke took a shallow breath.
"No... Mikey... The letter..." He managed to say.
"What letter?"
"In my... guitar... case.. the letter... for when I... go." I couldn't believe this. Luke had written me a letter for when he died. If it was supposed to help the pain it didn't, or at least, the idea of it didn't, I hadn't seen the letter yet. Luke gripped my hand a little tighter. "Promise me... You'll read it," he stammered. I nodded, my face wet with tears. He lifted his lips in a half smile and his eyes fluttered closed as he took another deep breath in. I kissed his forehead and pushed his now-flat-quiff out of his face. He opened his eyes again and the blue wasn't as vibrant as it used to be, it was surrounded with grey. But he was still beautiful.
Calum and Ashton walked over beside Luke and they down at his solemn face. Ash kissed his fingertips and placed it on Luke's heart. Through all of this Calum hadn't cried much at all and I watched him, right then and there, break down into a puddle of sobs. He screamed, cursing the world for putting this curse of cancer on Luke. He asked why it couldn't have been him and I didn't tell him but I asked myself the same question. Luke tried to calm him down t it was no use, Calum had to get it out, and all the while we were made to watch as Ashton held his hand and embraced him tightly.
"Cal... Please... I've made.. Peace with it," Luke said calmly, reaching for him. Calum nodded and took the hand that I wasn't holding. Ashton whispered a simple 'goodbye, Lucas.' Before backing away, he added a 'thank you for helping save me' and then he was in the back of the room. Calum went next, he dried his tears and cleared his throat. "Thank you for being the coolest, best-best mate anyone could ever had. I love you Luke, I hope it's nice where you go." Luke smiled and chuckled a little before Calum backed away and it was my turn.
"Mikey... You don't have to-" he started to say, but I shook my head.
"Lucas Robert Hemmings, Luke, Lukey, I love you so much. You brought so much happiness into my life, our life, and I'm so grateful that I got to spend these last three years being in a band with you.
"There's so much we didn't get to do, but there's so much more that we did do, and I'll never forget it. I'll never let go of what we have, it's too special. I love you, more than anyone in the world, Luke. And this fucking cancer might have gotten in the way of your life, but it'll never get in the way of that," as I finished, tears rolled freely down Luke's face. He breathed slowly.
"thank... You... I love you... so..."
The heart monitor flatlined. He was gone. I kissed his forehead again and watched the nurses come in. I was still in shock, but I backed off and Calum and Ashton lead me out of the room.
As soon as the door shut behind me, I ran.
"MICHAEL!" Calum and Ashton yelled.
"I have to go find the letter!" I replied, and continued running out of the door. I called the nearest cab and climbed in. "Grand Hollywood Hotel! Hurry please!"
I searched our room until I found Luke's guitar case under the bed. I opened it and attached to his capo was a folded piece of paper. I unfolded it and began to read the letter.
Dear Michael,
If you're reading this, the cancer finally got a hold of me. I'm sorry, I would have loved to stay and live a life with you, but I had no chance. I know you're going to be grieving for a while, and that's okay, but don't let it take over your life. I know the way you think and you'll want to forget it all.
Why is it the things that we most want to forget are the things that most often leave scars? The way you are, you'll do everything to forget me, and that would reek havoc on your life. Continue living Mikey, if you love me, be okay. I know you want to forget me, but don't. Let me leave my scar, because that's the only way you can keep all of our wonderful memories.
After all it's just a truth of life, memories leave scars.
Love always,
Luke
