Marmoris | Rabastan Lestrange [1] ✔︎

23 | SPLINTERS

The evening started out as quite a surprise to Phoenix. The head boy and girl along with the prefects had done a great job with the decorations. The tables, chairs and the chandelier floating in the air above their heads looked as if they were fully consisting out of ice. Combined with the soft light it turned into a wonderful winter wonderland and from time to time there was even artificial snow falling from the ceiling. On the dance floor beneath it the students spun around dancing to different kind of songs.

Somehow Phoenix found herself actually enjoying the evening. At least as much as she could with the constant headache pulsing against her temples from the inside of her head and Cara and Rabastan reminding her of their little fight, which hadn't yet been settled down. But Alexander did a great job distracting her without even knowing what he did. Suddenly she was glad about the hours of dancing practice with her father when she was younger. Gently Alexander led her movements between the other students making her laugh at any given chance. If she hadn't known how to dance for so long his distraction would definitely have made her trip several times already. Seeing Dawn and Sirius over the boy's shoulder made her evening even better. She knew about the consequences but she couldn't remember Dawn ever being that happy before. She looked like a big weight had been lifted off of her shoulders, and perhaps that was actually the case. Like her Dawn had often struggled with the expectations of her family and with that huge step she might finally be free. Of course it wouldn't be easy at first, she knew, but in the end she might be happier with it.

But at some point Phoenix' headache increased to a level where it was hardly bearable. She had to ask Alexander to go sit down for a moment which he agreed to with a kind smile. Carefully he led her through the crowd, making her sit on a chair and disappearing to get them something to drink. Phoenix took several deep breaths, hoping the pain in her head would fade, but it didn't. The mess of emotions around her made her feel like there were a thousand needles pinching into the inside of her head. Her body slightly started to tremble as she pressed her palms to her forehead.

The crowd in front of her seemed to blur into a mix of different colours before it suddenly came back to normal. Rabastan was kneeling in front of her, his hand placed on hers, which she had placed in her lap without even realising it.

"Are you alright?" he asked over the loud music.

She stared at him, unable to find a proper answer. Are you alright? His words repeated in her mind. His icy blue eyes were searching hers and Phoenix believed to see concern flaming up in them. The thought disappeared almost immediately as she remembered how he had ignored her over the past week. He hadn't even cared to look at her and now he wanted her to believe he cared? Her senses came back to live and she spotted Cara standing behind Rabastan, her hands placed on her hips. She didn't look too pleased with the turn of events either. Phoenix gaze flickered back to Rabastan who squeezed her hands.

"Talk to me, Nix. Are you alright?" He begged but she pulled out of his grasp and jumped to her feet, obviously a little too fast as her sight turned a little blurry again and she stumbled.

"What do you care, Lestrange?"

Rabastan, still on his knees, looked hurt but in that very moment she couldn't control her feelings, just like she couldn't control her abilities. She stumbled away from him, causing Alexander, who just arrived with their drinks, to place them on a table and follow her back on the dancefloor. Phoenix resisted the urge to press her palms to her head as the headache grew stronger with every passing second as they moved to a slow song. Everything that happened around her seemed to fade and she couldn't quite make out other people's actions.

That was until she realised how close Alexander's face was to hers. It took her not even a second to realise what he was up to and it made her control crack fully. She pushed him back by his shoulders and stumbled backwards, crashing into another student. Disbelieve was written over his face, as if he had expected her to let him do whatever he wanted to do, but before he could say anything they heard crinkling from above. Although the music was way too loud, it managed to drown it out somehow and made all the students look up to the ceiling. Right in that moment the chandelier above the dancefloor burst into a thousand sharp pieces falling down on the students which burst out screaming. But somehow they never hit Phoenix while the people around her cried out in pain. Therefore, the realisation which hit her was even more painful; she had done this. She lowered her still outstretched hands and stumbled backwards before turning around pushing through the crowd to the entrance of the Great Hall.

By the time she finally reached the exit her eyes were burning with tears but she pushed them back. She wouldn't cry, not in front of the entire school. If they didn't know anything yet they would definitely realise if she did so. Instead she forced herself to keep going through various corridors, turning around corners without even knowing where she was going. The weight of all the different emotions was gone but instead there was something way worse. The feeling of guilt pushed down on her and made her surroundings vanish.

It took her several more steps to realise somebody was calling her name and the sound of footsteps following her.

"Phoenix," Rabastan called out once more finally making her stop but she didn't turn around.

Still she heard him stop behind her close enough to hear her whispering, "You were right I made a mistake."

Tears were burning in her eyes and she didn't even really know what she meant with her statement. If it was about her going with Alexander, attending the Yule Ball at all or simply believing her losing control would only hurt her and not affect any others.

"Look, I'm sorry about how I acted after detention." He told her, gently touching her shoulder.

"What?" Phoenix couldn't help but ask.

Rabastan Lestrange didn't apologize to people, at least she had never witnessed him doing so. He seemed to be confident with all his actions and didn't realise when he was the one doing something wrong but here they were with his apology still floating in the air between them.

"I said I'm sorry. I had no right to treat you in that way. It was stupid and selfish and I don't know why it took until tonight for me to realise it." He paused. "Ugh I don't know how to do these kind of things. I just want you to know I'm sorry, Nix."

Phoenix swallowed, tears still burning in her eyes. She glanced over her shoulder, not ready to turn around fully and let him see all the emotions written on her face. He was standing a short distance away from her, his almost white hair filled with sparkling splinters of the chandelier, his gaze focused on the floor in front of him.

"You were right. I made a mistake," she answered, her voice about to crack at any second.

She imagined him lifting his head as she stared down at her hands. A single tear escaped her eye, trailing down her cheek. She had hurt people – again. She was a monster.

Rabastan's voice was serious as he spoke again after a moment of silence. „We are teenagers, Nix. We're supposed to make mistakes, that's what we do. You don't have to be perfect, none of us is."

Phoenix turned around on her heels, not tryingto hide her feelings anymore. "Why don't you get it? I hurt people if I make a mistake. You have a choice, all of you do, but I don't, I never did. You don't know what it means, if I lose control for just a second, and I don't know either. I don't know what's wrong with me and I'm scared, okay?"