Marmoris | Rabastan Lestrange [1] ✔︎

49 | PLEASE

Although Phoenix felt much better in the afternoon, after Madame Pomfrey had given her a potion against the pain of her skin and muscle being mended back together, the healer wouldn't let her leave to her dormitory. The young girl had asked her if she could see one of her friends or her brother, but she had declined, saying that she wanted her side to be fully repaired first as stress could influence the healing process. Phoenix didn't dare to mention that Jack Avery's visit had been of much help in that case, as the young healer seemed to be fuming about his actions without her even mentioning his name. Since nobody had yet showed up to bring her a book or some other kind of entertainment, she spent a majority of the day lying on the soft bed and staring at the ceiling. She tried not to think about what had happened before she had blacked out, but it kept reappearing in her mind. At times she found herself at the verge of crying, both out of fear and out of sadness. She had no idea what had happened before she had entered the classroom and found Rabastan in a horrible state, but due to Jack's words when she had been trapped in her body, she was pretty sure that Rabastan had injured himself on purpose. But why? She had thought he was happy. Sure, his Quidditch-injury had made him feel vulnerable and weak, but when he got better he had regained his happiness. It was hard for her to believe that all of it had been nothing but a façade. However, apparently it was.

It was about time for dinner when she heard the door open. Phoenix lifted her head and caught sight of no other than the blonde boy entering the room. Rabastan wore an emotionless expression of his face as he walked over to her and sat down in the chair, Luke Avery had been sitting in previously that day. She expected him to say something, but he simply stared at the floor. She didn't know what to say either, so they sat in silence for a while before she asked in an attempt to make him talk, "Are you alright?"

She wanted to slap herself right after saying it. Of course he wasn't alright. He had tried to kill himself. Of all things she could have said she had picked the wrong sentence and she waited for his reaction, but there was none. He was simply sitting in the chair, with an absent expression lingering on his face.

She barely heard him when he finally whispered: "Why did you do it?" He looked up at her, his eyes filled with misery. "Why did you try to save me?"

The question shocked Phoenix. In fact, his words were like little knives being pushed into her heart. He really tried to end his life again. "You were hurting."

"I know, but why couldn't you just leave me there? You could have walked away or searched for a professor to help me. You wouldn't have had to risk your life to save mine. I am a screwed up wreck. Do you really think that's worth throwing away your life?" He took her hand and looked down at it.

Phoenix shrugged, still unsure of what to say. "Why does it matter? It's over, Rabastan. We can't change what happened."

He tightened his grip around her hand, not painfully, however. He looked up at her and she believed to see his eyes glimmer with a hint of tears. "It matters because I like you and I couldn't have lived with myself if you died saving me. In fact, I can't even stand the thought of you dying without me being able to do something and you know what? It scares me."

"Then why did you do it? Can you imagine how frightened I was when I realised that you were bleeding? I was terrified and now I have to find out that you have done this on purpose."

"What?"

Phoenix didn't answer as she knew he was only playing dumb. Her eyes were stringing with tears but she held them back. Crying wouldn't do any good. She swallowed and whispered: "I thought you were better. I thought you were happy."

"I am, Nix."

"That's not what you said when you were bleeding out," Phoenix countered. It was hard not to remember how he had told her about the sadness that he was unable to get rid of. "I... Why didn't you tell me earlier how you truly felt?"

"Do you really think it's that easy? I don't want to talk about it - I can't, because nobody would understand," Rabastan told her, his voice shaking with emotion.

Phoenix inched closer to him, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I could've tried, just like you tried to help me understand my powers although you knew nothing about them."

He shook his head. "I know, I... I didn't want you to look at me differently than you did at the beginning of the year."

"I wouldn't-"

"Everybody does as soon as they find out. It's nothing you can control." He brushed his thumb over the back of her hand. "See, I didn't want you to see my as some kind of a freak. Making you smile... it made me happy and I didn't want to lose that feeling."

Although Phoenix fought the urge to cry, a tear escaped her eye and trailed down her cheek as she asked, "So, why did you tell me about your first attempt?"

Rabastan shrugged, looking down at their hands. "I honestly don't know. I just wanted to make sure you knew you weren't alone."

"And you are not alone either", Phoenix told him, stretching out her arms in his direction. Fortunately, Rabastan understood her gesture. Without another word he closed the distance between them and hugged her to his chest. She expected the pain in her side to flame back up but as it didn't, she buried her head against his chest and inhaled his scent. It strangely calmed her as she felt his head rest against hers and she heard his heart beat rapidly.

"Please promise me to never scare me like thatagain," she whispered and she felt his arms tighten around her. He kissed thetop of her head but it couldn't keep her form noticing the fact that he didn'tanswer to her plea.