Marmoris | Rabastan Lestrange [1] ✔︎

58 | GONE

Maureen had never experienced something worse than Will's funeral, not even his actual death had been as awful. People talked about him, pure-bloods who hadn't even known his real character traits, family members and friends. She didn't know what she was feeling although her emotions seemed to be consuming her. She gripped tightly onto her best friends' hands while she couldn't stop crying. There was this void inside of her, like her heart had been ripped out when Will fell and blood was dripping out of the wound. She was shaking with anger and sadness at the same time and when she had been asked to tell everyone about what a beautiful human being her boyfriend had been, she had broken down in front of everyone. But she didn't care. The world seemed to have lost all its colour without Will in it. He was not there to make her laugh or mock her with her clothing style which he would afterwards call 'the most beautiful art he had ever seen'. In fact, she would never hear him laugh again, never feel his warmth when he hugged her or his soft lips against hers.

Will was gone.

He would never come back and she saw no way to live without him. She wasn't sure if she had fully realised it until Damian had confessed Will's feelings to her on the platform in Hogsmead, but she did love him too. She still did and she doubted that she would ever be able to feel something like that for anyone ever again. She couldn't imagine that she would ever feel as safe and happy around somebody else as she had felt in Will's presence. She didn't want somebody to take his place.

She just wanted Will back.

★

Phoenix doubted that she could have managed Will's funeral without Rabastan. He had wrapped his arms around her body and pulled her closely to his chest from behind, linking one of his hands with hers. There was no doubt that he was seeking as much comfort in her touch as she did in his, as he more than once removed one of his arms to, as she supposed, brush away a tear. Only a few days prior she would have been insecure about showing her feelings towards him, especially because she wasn't sure if Regulus would be fine with the fact that his best friend might start to date his sister, but he had just shrugged it off with a grin. She was more than glad about that, as the speaker's words and Maureen's emotions seemed to be pushing her down to the ground.

When the torturous ceremony finally came to an end, she had to leave him, however, as she and Dawn nonverbally agreed to accompany Maureen in throwing blossoms on the coffin, considering their friend looked like she would fall on her way there. They only guided her near the open grave where Will's mother, a beautiful, dark-haired woman, pulled her into her arms and fulfilled the task with her. The scene warmed Phoenix' heart. Although Maureen and Will had only been together for a little while, his mother treated her like her own daughter. If only Will could have seen that.

Already standing halfway to the open grave, Dawn and Phoenix approached it after Maureen and Mrs. Nott had left. The blossom of a small sunflower in Phoenix' hand didn't seem to express enough gratitude in Phoenix' opinion, but she still let it fall, murmuring, "May we meet again."

Her mother had always scolded her a fool for believing that there had to be something after their deaths, but she couldn't help the urge to say those words at funerals. It had an oddly soothing effect on her.

★

The hot mug of tea in Maureen's hands had long turned cold while she had been sitting in the Nott living room, staring numbly at the hot drink, as everybody else was chatting and sharing stories. It hurt to hear stories about Will when she knew that he would never be able to create more of them. The thought caused her to shed more than one tear in silence. Her friends and Mrs. Nott had come to check in on her more than once, but she had never replied with more than a slow nod. She didn't have the energy to do more. Grief seemed to exhaust her more than she had ever imagined.

With her hand shaking slightly she took a sip of tea, which wasn't as cold as she had expected it to be, but had way too much sugar in it. She preferred it without sugar. Will would have known. Just like he would have known about any unimportant detail, which she had teased him with at times. Then she proceeded to stare at it, losing herself in her emotions.

She only realised that Damian was sitting next to her on the sofa, when he softly touched her shoulder. In fact, she didn't even look up and only recognised him by his voice when he remarked, "I'm pretty sure your tea has turned cold by now."

Maureen simply shook her head and the blonde boy sighed. "I've never told this to anybody before, but after Daphne's death I was a total wreck. I was embarrassed to tell anyone and tried to deal with it all by myself, I still kind of do, I guess. But let me tell you, it only makes matters worse. It's the path to self-destruction. Please, Maureen, talk to somebody about your feelings." He got up. "Nobody can deal with that weight alone."

Realising he was about to leave, Maureen caught his sleeve and looked up, her voice cracking as she asked, "How do you do it?"

"Do what?" he inquired, sitting back down and giving her a slightly worried look.

"How does grief not consume you?" she whispered.

It was only when their eyes met for a brief second before he looked down that she noticed the slight redness in his eyes. The void in her chest, however, didn't allow her to think about what he had to feel like. Her own grief was too heavy; she couldn't think about anyone else's as well.

"I miss him too, Maureen, a lot actually" Damian confessed and sighed once again. "But do you remember the time after Daphne passed away?"

"Of course I do," Maureen breathed, feeling like a knife in her heart was being turned around.

Daphne Greengrass had been a sweetheart, as much of a good person as Will had been. Damian explained, "Will was the only thing that kept me from falling apart completely. Although he was grieving as well, he stayed strong, but still didn't walk on eggshells around me. I'm trying to return that favour to the people he loved. I feel like I owe it to him."

Maureen sniffed ungracefully and buried her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking. Hearing things about Will was pure torture. She felt Damian draw her into a hug, and for the first time that day she allowed herself to cry on somebody's shoulder. "I miss him, Damian, and I just wish I could have said goodbye. Now he's gone without ever knowing that I loved him."

Damian softly brushed her hair with his hand. "But still he considered you the best thing that ever happened to him. He died happy, Reenie."