Path of Destruction

Chapter Four

Warning: This story contains scenes of self harm. 

Ch. 4 

 “Let me see your wrist Harry.”

There was nothing Harry could do. It was time to give in. Maybe this was what’s best; finally coming to terms and dealing with the issues that have been haunting him for so long.

Harry stepped forward toward Zayn and allowed him to move the bracelets. Zayn’s face twisted in horror as he caught sight of the blistering burn on Harry’s lower wrist. Zayn just stared for what seemed like an eternity, he seemed to be searching for the proper words to say. Slowly his eyes left the burn and glanced up towards Harry. Their eyes seemed to search one another, trying to discover what the other one was thinking.

Like usual, Zayn was the first to speak.

“You know Harry, I am going to keep my promise. You may not have been able to keep yours, but I am going to keep mine.”

“What?” Harry was shocked. This was not what he was expecting. “Zayn, are you serious?”

“Yes Harry, I am. I will not tell the other boys of this, because somehow I feel like that would only make things worse. But Harry, that doesn’t mean you are off the hook. I am taking you to get help. Professional help. If you won’t tell me what is bothering you, and you clearly don’t want to tell the rest of the boys, then maybe you will be able to speak to an outside source.”

“Don’t you think that is a little unnecessary Zayn?” “I mean it’s not as bad as you think.”

“HARRY ARE YOU MAD?” Zayn yelled in a whisper, the last thing he needed was for one of the other boys to wake up. “YOU HAVE BURNS AND CUTS ALL OVER YOUR WRIST, YOU HAVE BEEN DISTANT FOR MONTHS, AND YOU WON’T TELL ANYONE WHAT’S WRONG. SO YES HARRY, IT IS NECESSARY.”

Harry was taken aback by these words. Maybe it would be good to talk to someone who didn’t know him, didn’t know the rest of the boys, most importantly didn’t know Louis.

“Okay Zayn, fine, I will go.”

“Good, we have a day off tomorrow, so I can call in the morning and schedule you a session. Now go to sleep Harry, we can talk more later.” And with that he left. I guess you could say he was grateful for the way Zayn was handling the situation.

Harry hardly slept a wink that night, his mind was racing with fear and anticipation for what the next day would bring.

That morning Harry got up to find Zayn and Niall passed out on the sofa, while Louis and Liam were in the kitchen.

“Good morning Haz!” Louis greeted with a grin on his face.

“Morning Lou, morning Liam.” Harry answered back, not quite as chirpy as his older band mate.

“Harry could you make me some eggs and bacon pleaseee, it’s our day off and I would love a big breakfast” Louis had a pleading hopeful look in his eyes. “Ohh and maybe some pancakes as well!” “Please Hazzzz.” Louis went behind Harry and snaked his arms arounds his waist. Harry could feel Louis’s breath on his neck as he begged for him to make breakfast.

How could he resist?

“Sure, anything for you Boobear,” Harry responded with a smile playing at the end of his lips.

“Thanks pumpkin!” Louis teased back. “Oh and some tea would be lovely.”

Harry and Louis continued to flirt back in forth completely unaware that Liam was still in the room.

“Is this normal behavior?” Liam asked jokingly. “I feel like I have lost all sense of what’s normal since being in this band.”

Harry and Louis laughed, while Zayn walked in and said “And you love every moment of it Liam.”

“Yes, there is no denying that,” Liam answered back.

Zayn’s eyes then met Harry’s and Zayn nodded. That was his way of telling Harry that the appointment had been set. Luckilly the rest of the group didn’t notice this little exchange.

Nial entered the room and after greeting the rest of the group asked, “so what are we doing with our day off boys?” Louis and Liam suggested that they go shopping and the rest of the boys agreed.

Harry’s appointment had been scheduled for 3. So Zayn made a note in his mind that he would have to find an excuse to get back by then.

After a day of shopping the boys returned back to the apartment at around 2:30. Niall wanted to go see a movie at the cinema nearby. Louis and Liam both agreed, while Zayn and Harry both decided to stay home. The rest of the boys looked at them questioningly for a moment, but no one really pushed any further into the matter.

When the rest of the boys had left Harry and Zayn called the car to take them to the appointment. They figured as long as they were home between 4:30 and 5 the boys would never even know they were gone.

Upon arriving Zayn signed Harry in while the latter sat anxiously in the waiting room, Zayn returned and noticed the fear in Harry’s eyes.

“Harry, there is nothing to worry about. You are going to be alright, and I will be right out here waiting for you if you need anything.”

“Thank you Zayn. You know I haven’t really thanked you for how great you have –

He was interrupted. “Harry Styles!” “We are ready for you.”

One of the women at the front counter led him through a hallway and to a door near the back.  He went through the door and saw a woman seated at a desk.

“Hello, you must be Harry Styles. My name is Doctor Avery,” she smiled at him warmly and Harry felt at ease.

They walked over and Harry took a seat on a couch while she sat on a chair near to him.

“Your friend Zayn informed me on some of what is going on. He is very concerned for you Harry.” “I would like to hear what is going on from your perspective. Tell me how this all started, and remember Harry; nothing you say in this room will ever leave this room unless I feel as though your well-being is at risk.”

Harry was grateful for these words.

He hesitantly began to tell his story.

He told of being on the X Factor, of when he first met Louis. He spoke about how they immediately felt a connection, and how he could tell they would be great friends.

“When we got voted off the X Factor, I felt like I wasn’t good enough, like I could have done better. That is how it originally started. People kept telling me how great I had done, and that One Direction deserved to win. I know they meant well, but hearing someone say we deserved to win only made me more fed up with the situation. Throughout this time I really had the band to rely on for support, but especially Louis. We grew so close after the X Factor, and I just started to feel different kinds of emotions than what I used to feel. These..ugh.. emotions.. overwhelmed me. I didn’t know what to think, I didn’t know who I was or who I was becoming. These feeling were pushing me over the edge and it was like cutting was the only thing that could hold me back.” Harry hadn’t even noticed that he had began to cry. 

Doctor Avery listened intently while jotting something down on her notepad every so often. 

“Mr. Styles, in your opinion, of what significance do these feelings for your fellow band mate have on your self harm?” 

Harry could tell what she was trying to make him to. She wanted him to finally put his feeling into clear and precise words. 

“They are everything.”

Harry hesitated and tried to regain his composure, he left out a few choked sobs and then continued. 

“I am in love with my best friend.”