Path of Destruction

Chapter Eleven

 A week passed and no one had brought up the incidents from that day. The day where Harry actually felt as though his secrets might all come unraveling. Harry realized that from an outside perspective things appeared to be perfectly normal, however, he knew that his band mates were acting differently. Everyone seemed on edge, like they were walking on eggshells. Harry observed how Liam panicked whenever Harry called his name, like he was afraid of what he was about to ask. He could tell that Louis was trying his best to act like nothing had happened, but Harry knew that on the inside he was worried sick, and this came through in his voice whenever he spoke. He sounded hesitant, it was like he had to formulate everything he said in a way that there was no possibility of it sounding offensive. Harry absolutely resented this. He was not a baby, nor was he insane. Louis didn’t have to talk to him like he was about to break at any moment. Harry was extremely curious as to why Niall had been acting the way he was acting. He was very standoffish and it was like he couldn’t look anybody in the eye; almost like he was ashamed.

Harry couldn’t help but wonder if his self harm and secret keeping had caused all of this. Was he to blame for all of this unnecessary tension?

Harry had seen Dr. Avery once over the course of the week. He talked to her about what was going on with his band mates, she advised that it would just take a while to adjust and that they would come around. She also told him that with the progress he was making it would only help for them to come to terms with the situation. This made Harry feel better, but it had been a week already, he began to wonder if things would ever go back to normal.

 Liam’s POV

I feel so guilty all the time. I can’t even look at Harry without thinking of what I’ve done. To make it even worse, I am almost positive that Harry has noticed. I don’t want him to feel bad about himself, like I can’t look at him the same way after what happened the other day. None of this is his fault; I need him to know that. I just can’t think of a way to tell him, what if he never speaks to me again?

 

Harry was alone. Louis was out on a date with Eleanor, and he had the whole apartment to himself. Harry couldn’t help but acknowledge the fact that Louis had told him he would be there for him and that he wouldn’t leave him alone, but now it was a mere week later and it was like the promise he had made was already forgotten. He left him for Eleanor. 

It was cruel irony.

Harry expected to just have a quiet night on the couch, watching films, and clearing his head. He had just put in ‘Love Actually’, when he heard a knock at the door. He had a glint of hope that maybe Louis had realized he needed to be there with him, but this hope faded away when he opened the door to find himself face to face with Liam.

“Ughh, hey Harry…mind if I come in?” None of the boys ever asked if it was okay to come in, they always just barged in like it was their apartment too. Harry wondered what was going on.

“Of course not Liam, come in.”

They both took a seat on the couch. “Do you want any food? I cooked up some pasta and it is pretty delicious if I do say so myself.”

“Umm, yeah sure that would be good, thanks.”

Liam had no intention of really eating the food, if he did he would probably throw up out of nervousness. He just agreed as a way to stall a bit longer. He had thought about what he was going to say all day, and he still wasn’t quite sure. It really all depended on Harry’s reaction.

Harry dished up the food and brought it to him along with a glass of water.

“Thanks a lot Harry, this looks really good.”

“Anytime…So what’s up?” Harry knew it wasn’t unusual for one of the boys to be bored and just show up, but this seemed different, Liam appeared to have something on his mind.

“I really don’t know how to say this. I have been trying to think of a way to tell you the whole week so that you won’t be upset. I don’t want to ruin our friendship; it means so much to me.”

“Liam! You don’t have to worry about ever losing me as a friend! You can tell me anything.” Harry said this with confidence, but he already knew what was coming. Zayn had obviously told him about his self harm and he was going to get another lecture.

“Okay if you say so…Well umm…the other day, you know that day, well…I came to call you for dinner, but you were in the shower…”

Harry nodded to show he was listening but he did not understand where Liam was going with this story.

“Well I saw that you were busy so I was just going to leave and come back when you were done…”

“And…?” Harry questioned. What was Liam getting at here? What had he found his stash of condoms? Harry snickered in his mind; however it quickly subsided when Liam began to talk again.

“Okay well, I saw something lying on your bed…under your pillow to be specific…”

This is when it registered in Harry’s mind. He had seen his journal.

Liam simply stared as he saw a look of realization sweep over Harry’s face. He saw panic in his eyes and his already white complexion becoming pale as the color drained from his face.

“What did you read…?” Harry asked slow but firmly.

“I only read one page, so you don’t have to worry about me reading the whole thing, I would never do that to you. I thought it was your songbook so I skimmed over the page that was left open, and as soon as I realized I stopped. I am so sorry Harry.”

Liam was rambling, but all of his words were a blur to Harry.

“What did you read?” Harry asked again. This time Liam could hear the urgency and rage building in his voice.

“I read the page where you said that you were in love with Louis.”

Harry was in complete shock. Fate worked in a cruel and horrible way; why did that have to be the page that was left open? Of all the pages in his journal, why did it have to be that one?

Liam noticed that his words instantly paralyzed Harry; so he took it as an opportunity to explain himself.

“You don’t have to worry about me telling anyone. I am just so sorry Harry, I didn’t mean to invade your privacy, and if I could take back what I did I would. Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you Liam.” Harry said this while staring straight ahead almost as if he was looking straight through Liam. His voice sounded flat and emotionless.

“Ugh…does anyone else know…you know that you feel this way?”

“No.”

“Oh… well this probably isn’t what you want to hear right now…or ever…, but I think that eventually you have to tell Louis.”

“Liam! I can’t! How could you even suggest that!? It would ruin everything!”

Before Liam even had the chance to respond, the door opened and Louis walked in.

Harry and Liam both instantly noticed the panicked look in his eyes, he seemed shocked. He looked like his mind was racing and that he was in complete disbelief.

Fuck. He heard everything.

Liam and Harry exchanged nervous glances.

Harry was about to explain himself, he opened his mouth to speak, but he was cut off.

“I broke up with Eleanor.”