Path of Destruction

Chapter Six

Ch.6 

The rest of the week passed with normality. Harry continued to write down the triggers for his cutting and burning.

He had only one incident where he found his thoughts being overwhelmed with visions of things he and Louis could do as a couple. Harry picked up the razor and slid it down his wrist. However, he stopped abruptly when the words of Dr. Avery surfaced in his mind. Instead, he wiped away the little blood, and returned to his room to write down what had triggered the situation.

 However, Harry had come to realize, that most things in his life would never stay normal for long.

He had just spent the day with Niall as Louis had cancelled their plans in order to spend the day with Eleanor. At first this frustrated Harry to no end, but he had to keep telling himself; Eleanor is his girlfriend, he had every right no cancel. 

Harry had enjoyed his time with Niall but he could not help but let his mind wander. He was curious as to what Louis and Eleanor could possibly be doing. Why would Louis say yes to spend the day with Eleanor when they had already made plans?  Harry felt worthless. He felt like Louis didn’t need him anymore.

 Harry was used to these kinds of emotions, and he knew that the intensity level would decrease. He just needed to go back to his apartment and relax, maybe watch a film to get his mind off it.

He opened the door and his ears were immediately filled with the sounds of giggling.

Harry walked into the living room only to be faced with the sight of Louis and Eleanor cuddling on the couch.

His stomach dropped, and at first he was too shocked to even say anything.

He cleared his throat and quickly both sets of eyes met his. “I’m home,” Harry stated briefly.

“Oh hey Haz, umm, we were just watching a film, you could join if you want?”

Harry could feel the awkwardness in the air. Eleanor glanced at him and then quickly averted eye contact again. She then spoke, “yeah Harry, you’re welcome to come sit.” He could hear how hesitant her voice was.

“No, it’s okay, I am just going to go to my room, it’s been a long day and I’m exhausted. Thanks for the offer though.”

They seemed to be satisfied with his answer and Harry said goodnight before excusing himself from the room.

 He was furious. How could Louis not warn him that he was bringing Eleanor back to their place? Harry was beginning to get very worked up. He was frustrated with the whole situation. He knew that logically Louis had every right to bring his girlfriend to the apartment, but his heart was telling him differently. He wanted nothing more than to be cuddling with Louis on the couch. He wanted Louis to ruffle his curls and stroke his back. He just wanted Louis to be there for him.

Harry wrote in his journal and then got into bed. Tears started to fall; tears of sadness and frustration.

Harry cried himself to sleep that night with sounds of a giggling Louis and Eleanor slipping their way into the confines of his room.

Harry woke up feeling like shit. His eyes were red from crying and he had a terrible headache.

He was painfully hungry but feared that Eleanor stayed the night and he would come face to face with her again.

He had nothing against Eleanor personally, she seemed like a lovely girl, and she was always polite whenever they had spoken. But Harry knew that she would never know Lou like he knew him, she would never love Louis like he loved him.

 After Harry finally gained enough confidence, he made his way into the kitchen. He was grateful to find Louis sitting at the table. Alone.

“Morning Lou,… Eleanor didn’t stay the night?”

“Oh, morning Haz, no she didn’t she had to leave to be with her family early this morning.”

Harry watched Louis carefully as he talked. Something seemed off with him. He was determined to find out.

 There was a knock at the door and Harry opened it to find himself face to face with Zayn. They greeted each other and Harry let him inside.

“Okay boys just wanted to remind you that we have a meet and greet with the fans today until around two, and then we have the afternoon to ourselves. Niall figured it would be good for us to go out tonight so clear your schedules for this evening. We’re gonna have some fun!”

“Sounds good to me,” Louis replied. “I really need to get out and enjoy myself.”

Harry wondered what Louis meant by this, but his thoughts were interrupted by Zayn.

“Sound good to you Harry?”

“Yep, count me in.”

Niall and Liam showed up twenty minutes later and began a conversation with Louis. Zayn tried to get Harry’s attention. They finally made eye contact and he motioned with his eyes for Harry to follow him.

Harry casually left and followed Zayn down the hall until they made it to his room.

“Okay Harry I made another appointment for you this afternoon with Dr. Avery, so be downstairs and at the car by three. I am sure you can find an excuse if Louis asks where you are going. That is unless you finally want to tell him what’s going on?” Zayn questioned hopefully.

“I’ll pass on that. But yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Well that will do for now. Progress is progress.”

 Harry thought these words over. Had he really been making progress? I mean sure, he didn’t self harm to the extent that he used to, and yeah he was beginning to discover the triggers for it, but the real problem seemed to be as big as ever.

His feelings were never going away.