Path of Destruction

Chapter Twenty Two

Harry told the driver the directions and then sunk down into the leather seats. 

Life had no meaning anymore. He was now just the boy that everyone pitied. He felt as though he had no identity; no purpose. 

Harry sat quietly for the first hour and a half of the ride until he couldn’t contain himself any longer, he began to cry gently. The cab driver heard the stifled sobs and glanced into the rear view mirror. “You okay son?” 

Harry was surprised at the driver’s concern. “Just a lot going on; I feel like everything is falling apart around me and there is nothing I can do to stop it.” He couldn’t believe he was sharing this with a taxi driver. 

”It sounds like you need to take control of your own life again. Do what you need to do; don’t do what others expect from you, sometimes you just need to embrace what is best for yourself.”

Harry thought these words over. He needed to do what was best for him. He knew exactly what he needed to do; and this time he would do it the right way. 

Louis figured he was about 30 minutes behind Harry. He tried calling him multiple times. The first few times he simply rejected the call but after a while Harry turned his phone off altogether. 

Louis knew that Harry would go back to their building and probably talk to the rest of the boys. He figured that he could get there and explain himself, and then everything could just fall into place.

The way it was meant to be. 

Harry finally arrived at his destination. He thanked his driver and gave him a very generous tip. 

”Thanks a lot kid, and good luck with everything. Just remember, you’re in control of your own destiny.” 

Harry nodded and thanked him one more time before closing the door and heading into the building. 

He arrived at Liam’s room and knocked. There was no answer. He tried each of the boys rooms only to find the same thing. Harry looked at the time, it was half past 1 in the morning; they had obviously gone to bed already. 

Harry went to his apartment and opened the door. 

Things were exactly as he remembered. Louis’s scent hit him immediately. He let it flow into his body; and overwhelm his senses. He took a loot around and noticed it was definitely not as clean as usual. Harry was always cleaning up after Louis; he was one of the messiest people Harry had ever come across. However, he couldn’t think of anyone else he would rather share an apartment with.

 Harry knew Louis could be coming after him and that he might not have much time. 

He went into the cabinet and found just what he was looking for.

Harry took the bottle of pills into the bathroom along with a piece of paper and a pen. This was an all too familiar scene. His hands began to shake and his breathing became heavy. He picked up a pen barely being able to grip it properly. Tears were now starting to flow; they stained the paper as he began to write. He addressed the letter to the person he knew would find him first. 

Louis, 

       If you are reading this it means you have found me. I am sorry that you have to see me like this again; I know it must be hard for you. But Lou, you have to think about how hard it would be for you to face me everyday. I don’t regret telling you my innermost feelings, if anything I regret that it took me so long. 

I’m sorry for all the pain I have caused you, I never meant for it to be like this. I miss the old days where we could sit in the apartment, our apartment, and talk for hours about anything. I know that if I stayed things would never be the same, and that would absolutely destroy me, but I will hold onto the memories. The memories of your beautiful laugh, the laugh that gave me hope and often seemed like my only light in a time of complete darkness. 

Lou you just can’t ever blame yourself. I could never blame you for any of this. For so long it felt as though you were the only thing actually keeping me alive and for that I thank you. 

I planed on this being a short note but I just don’t think it can be. There is still so much I need you to understand. 

I need you to understand how much I love you. I truly love everything about you. I have loved you since the moment I met you on the X- Factor. I could tell right away how special you were. I bonded with you easier than I have ever bonded with anyone in my entire life. You are my best friend.

To me your voice was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. I could listen to you talk for an eternity. Your singing is unlike anything else in this universe, and if there’s one thing you could do for me it would be to never stop singing. I want you to stay in the band; I want all of you to stick together. You boys are the most incredible people I have ever met. You were all there for me during the hardest times of my life. I never had to ask, you were all just there, supporting me no matter what. I know the last few months could not have been easy for you all, but none of you ever complained, you just stuck with me, and for that I am incredibly grateful. I just want you all to know how sorry I am for the pain I am causing you and have already caused you. I don’t want you to have to go through this alone; you have to go through it together.

I am going to miss everything about you Lou. Every single little thing from the way your smile lights up a room, to the way your hair messily sticks out in all different directions when you wake up. Just don’t ever change. Don’t lose that smile. You truly deserve someone to love, someone that can bring you happiness for the rest of your life. I just can’t be around when you find that person. Seeing the person you love with someone else is just something I am not strong enough to handle. My body feels empty every time I see or hear about you with Eleanor. My heart physically hurts and I just can’t go through that kind of pain my whole life. You know every time I see you two together I feel like she doesn’t love you like you deserve to be loved. She doesn’t look at you like I do; she hasn’t been there for you like I have. I’m sorry if I sound like a jealous crazy person, I just want what’s best for you. I want you to find the love of your life and live happily ever after. 

I wish the same for the rest of the boys. I want you all to live your life to the fullest; do what makes you happy. 

Tell Liam that I am counting on him to keep you all together. He is always the one to keep the peace. He is so level headed and has an incredible way of dealing with things. I sometimes wish I could be like that. Make sure Niall keeps laughing. He has the most incredible laugh I have ever heard. He helped me so much and gave me so many enjoyable moments these last few months. Make sure Zayn doesn’t do anything to crazy. I know he sometimes does rash things when he is in pain, but just be there for him always; he is more sensitive than he lets on to be. He has truly been a rock for me these last few months. He was there through it all with a calm and judgment free attitude. I could never thank him enough. 

And as for you Lou, I know how hard you’ll take this, and I’m sorry. I don’t want you to ever lose your happiness. One of the things I loved about you was your ability to make the best of any situation.  Just know that I will be waiting for you. We will see each other again I promise you that. 

And if it’s not too much to ask, I ask that you and the boys be there for my family. I love them so much; I just need them to know that I can’t do it anymore. They gave me some of my happiest moments, but I just can’t do it anymore. I want them to know that it will be painless. There is no blood, just a quick escape from consciousness. There will be no suffering in my last minutes. 

I have just taken the whole bottle of pills. I am starting to feel fuzzy and dizzy. 

I guess this is where my note comes to an end. 

I love you all so much. 

I love you boobear. You are my everything. You always will be. I may not be with you physically but I will be with you mentally and emotionally, always. Keep me in your heart, and I look forward to the day we meet again; the day that I get to hold you in my arms and look into your beautiful blue eyes. 

I love you forever and always. 

- Harry